… Pastels, which is why I finally changed my site’s design.

… When strangers tell me to smile. I used to weakly oblige but now I tell them, “I just lost my job, smashed my car and my dog died.” Sometimes they’ll give a “Well, things will get better” but usually they just mutter a “Oh, sorry” and run away. And that ends up making me smile.

… When people in a crosswalk decide that rather than walk between the two painted lines, they’re going to go the “shortest distance between two points is a single line” route and veer off into the driving lane. So now I’ve got to wait an extra five minutes to complete my right turn. I believe that once they leave the borders of the crosswalk, they should be fair game.

… When someone who isn’t involved in a discussion tries to end it because it’s getting heated or he or she doesn’t like the subject matter. You get a pass if we’re in the car and you’re driving. Otherwise, just walk away and let us finish our conversation.

… When someone asks if they can slobber all over something I plan to put in my mouth. Well, the actual question is “Can I have a sip/taste of that?” I’m not a germaphobe but why share spit when it’s unnecessary? The question annoys me because it forces me into an uncomfortable situation for which I’ve yet to come up with a reasonable refusal. If you’re not family or a hottie I want to suck face with, I’d rather you didn’t ask. If you want to taste some of my dinner, then take the portion you want before you dig into your meal. If you want a sip of my drink, at least drink from the side of the glass rather than using my straw and forcing me to continue drinking your backwash. Better yet, just consume whatever you ordered.

… When I go out to dinner with a group of friends and at the end some moron (usually the one person I don’t know) says, “Let’s just make it easy and split it 23 ways.” It’s always the asshole who ordered two bottles of wine, three appetizers and steak and lobster who just wants to “make it easy.” And it always seems to be on the nights when I wasn’t all that hungry and ordered something like a cracker. And the idiot has the nerve to say, “Where’s your $89, Jenée?” There have been too many times in the past when I put in way more than I should have but from now on, I’m paying just for what I ordered, tax and a generous tip. Because to me, a little math really isn’t that difficult.

… When buying rounds of drinks gets out of hand. This is the beverage version of my last complaint. When I offer to buy someone a drink, there’s no strings attached. Enjoy your drink- you don’t have to buy me one. My issue is when someone says, “Let me buy that Diet Coke for you” and I say, “Thanks” and then the next time we go to the bar he or she says, “It’s your round” and then proceeds to order the “Monster Patron Margarita (for four).” Fuuuuck you. Don’t tell me when it’s “my round” and don’t think that a soda equates to a coma-inducing cocktail. Oh, and upgrading your drink when someone else is buying? So tacky.

… Waiting. Actually it’s not waiting that I mind so much, it’s waiting because of someone else’s inefficiency that drives me nuts. That includes going out with people who are never ready on time or watching a cashier work at a snail’s pace even though there are 10 people in line. This is why I think all people who work jobs that involve lines should be tipped. There needs to be some incentive for them to move faster.

More to come. MANY more to come.