Feb

The Second Annual Oscar Barkeep Awards

Posted in Academy Awards, Blog, Celebrities, Movies

My Oscars recap just keeps getting longer and longer so I decided I’ll finish that later and get to what little good stuff I have to share on this year’s ceremony. So here it is,

The Second Annual Oscar Barkeep Awards

Favorite Academy Awards bar quotes: “Can I just get tap water? I don’t have any money” and “Do you have Jessica Biel’s credit card?” I don’t know why, but for some reason that just sounded funny being asked that.

Best tipper: Steve Carrell (Diet Coke). BTW- he was accompanied by the woman who recently played his girlfriend on “The Office” (the one who broke up with him after he sent out a Christmas card in which he’d Photoshopped his face over her ex-husband’s on a ski trip with her and her two kids- I chuckle again just remembering it). Apparently she’s his real wife. They make a much better looking couple when he isn’t playing such a dufus.

Ghastliest outfit: Meryl Streep (gin tonic). She came to the bar just as we were shutting down for the start of the ceremony. We had to move to the front of the bar to turn away latecomers so I used the opportunity to get a close-up look. Her Flavor Flav-sized orange necklace appeared to be some sort of hideous junior high school shop class creation. I think the outfit was taffeta and looked like culottes. I guess when you’ve been nominated as many times as she has, you don’t mind going straight to the Oscars from Tae Kwan Do class. Runner up: Nicole Kidman. I mentioned previously that a few years ago I realized I’d entered with a bar knife in my bag and at the time thought, “I could stab Nicole Kidman right now if I wanted to.” I would have liked to have taken that knife to that goiter on her neck this year.

Thirstiest nominee: Clint Eastwood. Right after we closed his wife literally ran up to the bar begging for “A glass of champagne for Clint Eastwood.” I told her we were closed for the time being and I couldn’t serve anything (which is bartender code for “Show me a big bill.” She didn’t). But since it was Clint and since there happened to be a manager nearby I deferred to him. I think he walked away without giving her a “Hang on” and by the time he’d covertly arranged for a glass, they had disappeared inside.

Most in need of a sandwich: Cate Blanchett. She walked in with both hands hanging on to some woman’s arm, probably because she couldn’t hold herself up on her own. Runner up: Portia DeRossi (white wine). She looked great otherwise, but she was just skin and bones and stood with her shoulders so hunched over that even with my back pain (more on that later), I couldn’t help but stand up straighter every time I looked at her.

Biggest size surprise: Sascha Baron Cohen. The guy has to be at least 6′4″ (while his fiance probably can’t even ride the teacups at Disneyland).

Lobby sound alerts: Biggest gasp went to the supporting actor announcement, biggest cheers went to Scorsese (followed closely by Forest Whitaker and Jennifer Hudson), biggest silence went to Helen Mirren. I don’t think anybody even bothered to look up when the announcement was made. As attendees made their way from the theatre to the Governors Ball, Al Gore received a round of applause.

Wealthiest star working free drinks: Kirsten Dunst (Coke). Well, I don’t know if she was working it, she might have known the guy. But it sounded to me like he was gushing, then she sounded way too appreciative of a simple Coke then she threw out the “I have to get back to my seat” line. Excellent drink ‘em and ditch ‘em style on her part.

Oldest star who’s still got it: Faye Dunaway. The very long, very blond hair she was sporting was probably too young for her but it somehow worked and certainly got the attention of at least one much-younger guy who tried flirting with her.

Oldest star who may have lost it: Peter O’Toole who was sort of wandering around the end of the bar alone not long before the Best Actor announcement.

Biggest let-down: No George Clooney sightings- AGAIN. And I wasn’t the only one looking. One guy said he was on George Clooney alert for his wife. Now that’s a good husband.

(Last year’s Academy Awards recaps)