I found this image almost as startling as the Britney Spears statue so I thought I’d pass it on. This is Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher kissing American Idol cheeseball, Ryan Seacrest. I don’t know which excuse is better for her: The fact that she’s a 40ish woman and he’s 10 years her junior or the fact that she was molested as a child. Either way, some serious pyschological issues seem to be impeding her better judgment.

I’m not going to go the hacky route and say he’s gay because the truth is, I don’t even think he’s human. The guy hosts a radio show five days a week and the number one tv show two nights a week. He also hosts a couple more programs I only know about because his billboards are on more corners in this town than Starbucks. Even if he had the talent to justify that many shows, no mortal being could maintain that kind of pace and keep up with the needs of a 40-year-old woman. Although, judging by the tight-lipped kiss, it appears the only person’s needs he’s fulfilling is his publicist’s.

I’ve already expressed my complete lack of understanding as to why I and 30 million other people watch American Idol each week. The only logical answer is that it’s some sort of massive mind control experiment and Ryan Seacrest was created as a way to make middle America comfortable with metrosexuals, which will eventually clear the way for homosexuals. The guy even speaks like a robot. I remember seeing him on an episode of Blind Date years ago and he talked in that phony radio voice even when he didn’t have a microphone in front of him. That’s just not normal.

I do have to say that as lame as I think Ryan Seacrest is, he’s still a better catch than Paula Abdul’s choice of younger men, Corey Clark. Each week you can see Paula kicking herself for not holding out for major stud, Ace. Last night when she told Ace, “You’ll have to tell me about that scar sometime,” Simon had to practically force her back onto her seat as her excitement caused her to slide off it. Or maybe it was the alcohol. She’s seemed pretty plastered on most of the shows this season.

Anyhooo…with Hatcher dating Seacrest, it begs the question, “Whatever happened to her and George Clooney?” Supposedly the two of them were an item just a few weeks ago. Apparently both sides are keeping mum about whether they had any sort of relationship. Hatcher even said, “If I went on a date with George Clooney I would not be talking about it.” That statement right there suggests that she too is a robot because any red-blooded woman would shout it from the mountain tops if she had a date with Clooney. Plus, witnesses to her date with Seacrest said she was laughing at his jokes. I think that pretty much confirms her cyborg status. Whatever those two are made of, all I ask is that they keep it inside from now on.