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Cash For Trash

I thought I was done with Paris Hilton for awhile then along comes a story like this: LOS ANGELES (AP) -- An empty can of gourmet dog food taken from Paris Hilton's trash fetched $305 in an eBay auction. The sellers were from the Web site HollywoodStarTrash.com, which also listed several other Hilton items for sale on eBay. A used toothbrush sold for $305; two envelopes sent to her while she was in jail sold for $510; and a Coke can pulled from her trash went for $51. It kind of scares me that there are people in this world with free access to the Internet who can spare $300 on an empty can of dog food. WHY???? What's the plan? Will ...

Things That Make You Go…Hummer

You don't offer some random teenager sex advice. Besides, what could she possibly cover in just two minutes? "He's in, he's out, he's gone, you're crying. Get the camisole."

Don’t Touch Me

Why are they so anxious to touch it? For all they know, that might not be a dab of ranch dressing or a stray eyelash on my cheek.

Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, Britney Squeezing One Out

Since my eyes have been permanently scarred by this image, I felt the evil need to force it upon others. In case it’s not clear, this is a statue of Britney Spears. Giving birth. On a bearskin rug. Doggy style.

Premature Jacked Elation

I had zero interest in the Olympic games until I heard about the gold medal peformance for stupidity. This newest entry to the "Agony of Defeat" reel occurred during the women's snowboard cross finals. It plays out like a laughably unrealistic scene from a bad movie: The race begins with four women vying for the three medals. At least they tell us those are women tearing down the mountain at warp speed but it's hard to tell with the baggy clothes and helmets. Actually, even without the helmets it's kind of hard to tell if some of them are really women. About 10 seconds into the race, one contender literally flies off the screen into no man's land and she's ...

Drunk Paris Nights

(9-7-06: NEW BLOG ON PARIS' ARREST click here) I returned home last night to find several new headlines on my home page: Suicide Bombings Kill 57 at Jordan Hotels Two Suicide Bombers Kill 33 in Iraq Feds Indict 2 in Missile-Smuggling Scheme Hilton's Hollywood Smash-Up I'm somewhat ashamed to admit the first one I read was the Paris Hilton story (I guess you can take the girl out of US Magazine, but you can't take US Magazine out of the girl). I'm sure you all read this story of global importance, but to recap: America's favorite debutante/amateur porn star was in a fender bender with her new Greek shipping heir boyfriend, Stavros (not to be confused with her old Greek shipping heir boyfriend, Paris. For ...

Members Only

Last night I went dancing at a club on 80's music night and noticed a hot guy. The attraction soon ended when I spotted him on the dance floor. Now, maybe I could forgive the fact that he danced the same way most 14-year-old boys danced back in the 80's but then I made the horrific discovery he was wearing a turquoise Members Only jacket. I realize it's shallow to judge somebody harshly because of their appearance. But come on- it was a Members Only jacket. And it was turquoise. How much depth is one mere mortal expected to have? He approached me, which I had anticipated, because really hot guys always seem to want to talk to me about two ...

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