Living The Dream
"Bite me Alan Lambert"
Over the last week, I’ve come across multiple articles (and a South Park nod) about some 47-year-old, unemployed spinster named Susan Boyle who auditioned for the show Britain’s Got Talent. I finally had to see what the hype’s about and I have to say it’s well deserved. The top YouTube clips (which have amassed a ming-boggling 70 million hits in just two weeks) don’t allow embedding but it’s worth clicking the link to watch her rendition of “I Dreamed A Dream.” It makes me realize it’s never too late to achieve your dreams and there’s still a chance I could fulfill mine of being an Olympic gymnast. If this doesn’t give you goose bumps, you must have a heart of Cheney.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY
The Louse Of The Year
Maybe Jason is reconsidering his third choice, Jillian.
Of course I have to comment on the “most dramatic finale ever” of The Bachelor. Just to recap what I’ve written about recent seasons of The Bachelor/ette: first we had Brad Womack, the tool who told the final two contestants that he could see each of them as his wife then he proceeded to dump both of them in the end. So then reject Deanna Pappas got her “second shot at love” and her final two choices were crazy snowboarder Jesse and divorced father Jason. She chose Jesse but not before letting Jason get down on his knees to propose to her. Then this season, reject Jason Resnick was picked to be The Bachelor and get his “second third shot at love.”
I didn’t like the selection from the beginning. The Bachelor is supposed be a sort of fantasy guy and Jason’s just average in every way. But that didn’t stop 25 women from wanting to be the stepmother of his child before they ever met him. I’d love to see them attempt to do The Bachelorette with a single mother. It would last all of one episode as the guys would all hightail it out of there the second they heard about her bundle of joy.
I had long expected his final choices would be Jillian and Melissa so I was a little surprised when he dumped Jillian for Molly but I was still certain he’d pick Melissa in the end. So it was Melissa and Molly who got to meet his son Ty and his family who drilled both women about the heartache Jason’s been through and whether or not they would put him through that again. ‘Cuz Jason’s such an “amazing” (Jason must have uttered that word 1000 times this season) guy. But then (gasp!) Deanna shows up at Jason’s door because she just happened to be in the neighborhood of New Zealand where filming was taking place. The moment responsible for the show’s resurgence in ratings had finally arrived! And it ended with a quick plunk. Deanna said she’d made a mistake choosing Jesse and she should have chosen Jason instead. Jason essentially responded with, “Thanks for coming, put me down for two of whatever you’re selling and get out of here before little Ty sees you and gets even more confused about who his new Mommy is going to be.”
At the final rose ceremony, a tortured Jason chose Melissa, once again getting down on one knee but this time without being told to get back up again. He swung Melissa in his arms as they kissed and shouted their love for each other then the two of them, along with Ty, jumped with their fancy clothes on into an eternity pool. Unfortunately, an inflatable wading pool (with a tear in it) would have been a better symbol of their relationship to come.
In the “dramatic” After the Rose special, Jason said he’d given it a go with Melissa (for all of about a month) but decided he was really in love with Molly. Even better, he hadn’t officially dumped Melissa yet because heaven forbid he should do anything in his love life without the cameras rolling. So he broke up with Melissa (who constantly reminded us throughout the season how she’s always the dumpee) during the taping.
The most painful part of the episode was watching Melissa return the ring. I was fairly certain there weren’t any women on the closed set because if there were, I’m sure we would have heard at least one yell, “NOOOOO!!!!” Poor Melissa apparently doesn’t know the rule about engagement rings: if the girl breaks the guy’s heart, she returns the ring. If the guy is a douchebag like Jason, she sells the ring and uses the money for plastic surgery so she can find a new man (and from what I’ve heard, that was a $65,000 ring, which could keep her swimming in Restylane injections and breast implants for a long time).
Two minutes after dumping his fiancee, Jason asked Molly for another shot and she said yes and they slobbered all over each other, presumably with Melissa’s down payment for a house ring still in his pocket.
Look, I have no problem with Jason deciding Melissa wasn’t the one and wanting another chance with Molly. It’s the fact that he did it all on tv when it was completely unnecessary to do so that was just completely classless. And he seemed oblivious about how selfish his behavior was, saying that he had to follow his heart. Sure, when it’s Jason whose feelings get stomped upon, he spends six months on television telling the world he deserves better but the first chance he gets he breaks a girl’s heart and humiliates her in front of the whole nation.
I’m not surprised that third place finisher Jillian was anounced as the next Bachelorette but the way these rejects are going the second time around, I won’t be surprised if she ends up choosing married host Chris Harrison to be her guy.
AI Tunes
Every May when the winner of American Idol is announced, I swear it’s the last season I’ll watch this piece of garbage. Then January rolls around and it somehow ropes me back in. I lose a part of my soul with every season and I fear that if I keep watching, by season 12 I’ll be laughing at prop comics and attending Celine Dion concerts with a fanny pack around my waist.
This year, the show is back with a fourth judge, Kara Dioguardi, whose name Simon still can’t pronounce correctly. I’m used to people butchering my name and I rarely correct them but I think if I had 30+ million people watching I’d want my co-workers to get it right. She needs to use a mnemonic system to help him with it. I go with “Renée with a J,” which usually seems to help and I think she should go with “I don’t Karabout British douchebags who can’t pronounce my name.” She had no qualms about sticking up for herself when she felt threatened by Bikini Girl, even going so far as to prove her singing skills. I was embarrassed for her that she felt she needed to do that and I was amused that Bikini Girl wasn’t the slightest bit impressed, which clearly riled Kara. A fourth judge really isn’t necessary but at least she brings something to the show that Paula doesn’t: coherence.
Last night the top 36 were revealed and here are just a few comments on the selections:
Best decision by the judges: Keeping Norman and Tatiana. Norman is the guy who does the Richard Simmons type character, a choice that could have seemed painfully derivative but he keeps it just subtle enough to be funny. Then there’s Tatiana who is the epitome of the term “hot mess.” I loved it when Simon said to her, “Just try for a moment not to be annoying,” which is impossible for her to do. She’s a complete nightmare and both she and Norman will infuriate the uber fans who take this show way too seriously but they’re sheer entertainment so of course I hope they both go far.
Worst decision by the judges: Sending home the black guy who’s best friends with the dude whose wife died. I thought he was one of the best in the competition and should have gone forward.
Most predictable decision by the judges: Keeping the sweet blind dude. The guy is a good singer but not nearly as good as some of the rejects and his position probably should have gone to the guy above. I just hope Simon won’t pull any punches with him. That means he needs to rip him on his style and his bug-eyed stare like he would anybody else. Fair is fair.
Shark Week!
It’s that glorious time of year known as Shark Week on the Discovery channel. I missed the premiere episode so I went to their website to find out if the videos are available online. They’re not but I did stumble upon their “Shark Yourself” feature and of course I had to waste my time playing with it. I like the first one better- I really think some shark teeth covered in bling bling is the right look for me. As for the second photo, it’s the closest anybody will ever come to seeing me eat fish without gagging.
My Hand, My Wishes
On Monday’s finale of The Bachelorette, a big deal was made over her suitors asking for her father’s permission to propose to her, an archaic tradition I can’t believe is still practiced. It made sense back in olden days when a marriage meant the loss of a good farmhand or butter churner but in today’s age of food processors and women living on their own for a good while before marrying, it’s rather insulting to the woman.
Asking for the father’s permission suggests that the father has control over his daughter’s life and subsequently, the husband will be in control. Fuck that. I don’t want anybody thinking he’s the boss of me and I have no interest in a henpecked little man who thinks he needs to ask permission for anything. Asking for the father’s permission also makes him the boss of his future son-in-law, as exemplified on the finale when Sean Penn’s request was followed by the father’s order that he cut his hair. While I agree that he’d look better with shorter hair, I don’t want my dad thinking he can give style orders to somebody I’ll be appearing in public with.
It’s one thing for a guy to tell the parents (not just the father, you misogynistic bastards), “I’m going to ask your daughter to be my wife and I hope you’re okay with that… but if you’re not, tough shit.” But asking for permission is ridiculous because what if the parents say no? Would the guy back off from the woman he loves? Of course not, which makes it an empty courtesy. Granted, it would never go down like that in my household because if I ever brought a guy home to my parents it would be my dad who would beg the guy to marry me before I could even make the introductions.
Now The TV Finales
I spent so much time finishing my travelogue that I haven’t talked tv in awhile so here’s the season wrap up:
Lost- Four seasons and it’s as strong as ever. I made nine predictions about the finale and I was thrilled to get eight of them correct. Ok, they weren’t exactly tough (Sawyer calls somebody by a nickname, Jack barks orders at someone, Kate gets rescued by either Sawyer or Jack, Hurley drips sweat, Sayid repairs something, Desmond says “brother,” Aaron cries, Michael dies and the one I missed, Locke rubs his head) but it always fun to guess anything correctly with this show. Actually, some earlier predictions of mine also came to fruition, namely that Locke was in the casket and that Penny would rescue the O6 (though, I thought Desmond would die minutes before that happened), so it wasn’t the sort of shocking season finale I’ve become accustomed to with Lost. But I’m glad to see the future of the show will apparently include Ben because he seriously rocks.
The Bachelor- I thought this guy was the best bachelor ever. He was a real-life Mr. Big- a tall, gorgeous, international financier. Seriously dreamy. But, not surprisingly, he chose the blonde sex kitten (who happens to be Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter) over the funny chick. I thought blondie was all right but I would have thought their hometown date with her mother would have scared him. It was a frightening glimpse into what she was going to look like in 25 years, that is, unless the surgeon who mutilated her mother’s face is put behind bars as he should be. Even though I don’t think he made the right choice, I do think these two will get married. But I also think they’ll get divorced soon after popping out a couple of freakishly beautiful children.
Survivor- I love it when a show can bring one of its best seasons ever in its 16th season. And Survivor succeeded in doing this, at least for the second half of the game. Watching all these boys stumble over their erect penises was awesome. And Erik… OH. MY. GOD. Earlier in the season I thought he was destined to be one of those quickly forgotten players, remembered only as “the dude with the awful Leif Garrett hairdo.” Little did I know. As much as I love a good blindside, I have to admit that watching the ladies devour him the way they did was actually painful for me. I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I would have with a guy who wasn’t so damn nice. But it frightens me that people as dumb as Erik are allowed to move freely about this country and even worse, vote. I thought Cirie played a great game her first time around and an even better one this time so she was my favorite to win but I think Parvati played the second-best game so I was happy to see her rewarded over Amanda “The Doe-Eyed Choker.”
American Idol- The finale answered the burning question: who is the worst dancer in the world, David Archuleta or Brooke White (answer: Brooke White by a mile-long moonwalk).The fact that David Cook won over the heavy favorite David Archuleta has restored a little bit of my faith in America’s taste (or maybe it just confirmed America’s sheep-like mentality when it comes to Simon Cowell, who made no secret about his desire for Cook to win). Don’t get me wrong, little David is a great singer and he’s unbelievably adorable. In fact, I want two David Archuleta dolls, one at his current size, the one where I pull the string when I’m feeling down and he says, “Aw, shucks. Life is just so wonderful,” which is the one I would have been all googly over at age 12. I’d also like the full size David A. doll, aged by about 20 years because I know it would look seriously hot on my bed. But I’m pleased with David Cook’s win because he’s only the second contestant (after Chris Daughtry) and the first winner ever whose music I would actually seek out. And first on the list will be his covers of “Hello” and “Billie Jean” which I thought were incredible.
The Hills- A few months ago I joked that a guy was too young for me if he’d ever watched The Hills. I honestly didn’t even know what The Hills was, just that it was on MTV. Then while I was traveling I read a bunch of magazines and every other page seemed to mention somebody from the show. Even John McCain said he never missed an episode and that Heidi was a great “actress.” It got to the point that I had to know if I was on Team Lauren or Team Speidi. Thanks to the raping this tv season took due to the writers’ strike, I had some room in my viewing schedule to check it out. Holy shit it’s addicting, mostly because it’s supposed to be a reality show but every scene is so obviously staged that it’s a complete train wreck. Basically, it’s a female version of Entourage except the stories primarily focus on a group of girls who repeatedly return to some pathetic excuses for men. It’s worth tuning in just to find out what a Justin Bobby is. But there’s also Spencer Pratt. What a piece of work this one is. He is the epitome of lameness and the saddest part is that because he’s good looking and on television, he’ll always be able to get laid despite his lameness. So whose team am I on? I’d probably be on Team Heidi if she showed enough sense to drop that fool Spencer. Lauren’s all right but she needs to learn how to let go of a grudge, particularly over something as insignificant as a little rumor. Whitney seems like a nice girl, though someone needs to teach her that words that end with a “g” END with a “g” and not with a “guh” (like “bringuh” or “thinguh”). Yeah, it’s nitpicky but it kinda bugs me. Audrina is just plain vapid so that leaves me on Team Lo, the girl who shoots her mouth off without really thinking. She sort of reminds me of somebody…
(Oh, and if you’re planning on voting for McCain, watch The Hills and tell me if a guy who claims to never miss an episode is someone you want to have access to the red button).
I’m Fucking Matt Damon
I can’t stop singing this damn song so I’m passing it along in the hope that infecting others will help me return to my usual tune, “I’m fucking George Clooney.”
(FYI- It was a gift from Sarah Silverman to her man Jimmy Kimmel for the fifth year anniversary of his show).
Oh No He Di’int
Tonight I watched the season finale of The Bachelor, the show that loves to promise “The most dramatic [rose ceremony] [finale] [commercial break] ever!” and rarely delivers. But this time they got me when the bachelor ended up ditching BOTH women in the end. Frankly, I thought it should have been the other way around. The guy is good looking with a killer body and a fat wallet but he has less personality than a booger. And that monotone voice of his would put me in a coma on the first date. In fact, the last few bachelors have been disappointing and when they’re the best a team of casting directors scouring the nation can find, what hope do I have?
I’ve always thought there was something screwed up about the guys who proposed in the end considering they were macking on other chicks just a couple nights before. But there’s something even more screwed up about a guy that declares a woman has every quality he could possibly want in a wife then he dumps her. Perhaps DeAnna just didn’t have that elusive je ne sais penis that so many men are looking for these days.
Luckily I watched the episode in time to learn that a follow-up episode was airing tonight, which I caught as well. Clearly the two women have completely given up as they both appeared in shapeless sack dresses. That’s not the way to rub a guy’s nose in the fact that he screwed up. The way you rub someone’s nose in something is to utter a phrase like host Chris Harrison did when he said to Jenni, “You took a huge leap of faith when you said you loved him and he rejected you” to which she responded matter-of-factly, “Yeah, I know that.” It could only have been better if she’d said, “No duh, you prick.”
I will give bachelor Brad a little credit for being brave enough to appear before an audience full of angry women and it took real balls for him to proclaim that he was as hurt as anybody by what happened. He should probably thank the top notch security at ABC studios that he didn’t end up with a shiv in his throat or a compact to the noggin after that comment. I wonder if you have to go to Mexico to get that kind of clueless pill or if Jessica Simpson has her signature line available on QVC?
In the end, two great girls were left miserable by a lousy dude. Twenty bucks says he’ll be the one to fall in love first.
“I’m not superstitious…
… but I’m a little stitious.”
–Michael Scott
Oh how I missed The Office.
Is It…Tax Evasion?
Good ol’ Corey Clark- he of the Paula Abdul cougar love- is back in the news. I love it when you can just look at someone’s mugshot and know exactly what he was busted for. If the D.A. can’t get a conviction on this one, it’s time to hang up his legal briefs.
The Sopranos’ Final Jerkoff
Can I sue a tv show for wasting my time? No, this isn’t another American Idol post; I’m talking about Sopranos. What was once a great show ended with a pathetic final season and the worst finale in the history of television. Shows that have been suddenly cancelled have had better send-offs. So why did I watch the full season if it was so bad? Simply put, I was duped (is dupage a valid reason for legal recourse)? Allow me to explain the Sopranos’ trickery:
The first half of the season aired about 10 years ago and the format had changed drastically from previous seasons. The episodes featured a bunch of choppy scenes that were virtually unrelated and didn’t go anywhere. I gave the writers a pass that they hadn’t caught their stride after the long hiatus from season five (which aired about 20 years ago). By the time I realized they were sticking with this format for awhile, I was already halfway through the half-season and stuck with it out of loyalty.
When the second half of the season rolled around a couple months ago, I hoped they’d learned from the mistakes of the previous half and the show would get back to being its old self. The first episode started out all right, with sweet Bobby making his first kill on a guy folding his tighty whities. I thought, “All right! Action! Bloodshed! Will Bobby get caught? What’s going to happen to him???” Turns out, nothing. His kill was never mentioned again. In fact, nothing of any interest was mentioned for the next few episodes. The show was so bad that I made a call to animal control and asked if they could please put this beast down. I really wanted it over already but after five and a half seasons, I had to stick it out to the end.
Then nothing else happened for a few episodes until Christafuh killed that dude from Wings. Then the next episode, Christafuh himself ate it when Tony gave him a no-blow job (you’d think with a shnoz like Christafuh’s, he’d have reserves of air to last a little longer than he did).
In the penultimate episode we finally got a little action: New York was blowing the crap out of New Jersey. It looked like the series was set to end on a bang. Instead what we got was a whimper. A.J.’s whimpering to be specific. Half the episode was about him. Of all the great characters who got killed off over the years- Ralphie, Adriana, Christafuh- why did they let that whiny bitch A.J. live??
The finale was dullsville and I kept checking the clock to see how much time was left for a big climax. With little time to spare, we finally got the big series-ending action scene we were all waiting for: 10 minutes of Meadow trying to parallel park her car in a 50 foot space. I’ll give 100 Shrute dollars to anybody who can explain to me what the point of that was and why it necessitated more than five seconds of screen time. And what was the significance of playing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” to close out the show? Obviously the point of the last scene was that Tony will always have to watch who’s coming through the door, so wouldn’t the perfect choice have been Springsteen’s “Born to Run?” C’mon- Springsteen’s a Jersey boy, the lyrics are relevant and it would have been a little wink to dying Sil’s E. Street days.
Finally, I’ll give a million Stanley nickels to anybody who can explain what the purpose of the closing blackout was. Was it a big joke to make millions of viewers yell in unison, “MY FUCKING TIVO CUT OUT TOO EARLY!!?”
In the end, Tony’s alive and free with a peace accord with New York. Zzzzzz… After six loooooong seasons, the biggest mystery the show closed with was what was the reason behind that look on Meadow’s face as she ran into the restaurant? Was someone chasing her or was her doctor out of the pill???!!! We’ll never know.
I don’t know what the hell happened to this show but I’m bitter and angry and first thing tomorrow I’m filing a class-action lawsuit against HBO and the creator of Sopranos. I’ll be requesting reparations in the form of a season six do-over, one in which Adriana, Christafuh and Bobby don’t die, in which A.J. knows how to properly measure a length of rope and in which shit actually happens. I encourage all fans to join this suit so we can send a message to all television show creators that if they’re going to start out making a quality program, they need to finish with a quality program. If they can’t do that, they should stick to making shows like According to Jim so that nobody’s disappointed in the end.
I’m So Depressed
I’m pretty buzzed right now so excuse me if I ramble on and make a bunch of typos. But I really am more depressed than I’ve been in a long time so I did a few shots of Jaeger. In my early 20′s I used to do about five shots of Jaeger just to get the night started but it’s been several years since I’ve done even one. I have to admit I gagged doing them tonight. Guess I’m out of practice. And no, the depression is not because Lost had its season finale and it will be nine months until there’s a new episode. I’m actually trying to hold off on watching the finale as long as humanly possible (which will probably only be another 15 minutes).
In order to explain my depression I have to first make a confession: I attended the American Idol finale. In fact, I’ve attended every AI finale except the Ruben/Clay showdown. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve bartended at the last five Academy Awards ceremonies, all of which have been held at the Kodak Theatre- like the American Idol finales. The way it works at the Kodak is there is an online availability system, so basically, if there’s an event I want to attend I can just sign myself up as available.
As I’ve also mentioned, the reason I ever even started to watch AI is because one of my weekly poker buddies co-hosted the show the first season. And toward the end of it, he started sending me the scripts to do punchups on them (he was given some seriously ghastly lines). I didn’t make any major rewrites, just your basic punchup stuff. So it was actually somewhat amusing to me that I’d contributed to the number one tv show in America, but the only way I could attend the finale was as a bartender. But I did. On a side note, I’d told my friend that I’d be at the finale and that I’d try to find him. I couldn’t locate him so I slid a note under his dressing room door. I wrote something like, “You’re so cute and you’re a much better host than Ryan. You’re the greatest! All my love, Becca. P.S.- Nobody plays Network Executive like you do.” Becca was some girl on the American Idol forum who was totally obsessed with my friend. But Network Executive was the name of a goofy poker game we used to play. So I thought he would know the note was a joke from me. He didn’t. The next time I saw him I asked if he got my note. He said, “That was from YOU? I seriously thought Becca was stalking me.” When a comic causes such unnecessary stress to a regular person then the comic apologizes. When a comic does such a thing to another comic, then the comic laughs his (or in this case, MY) ass off.
Fast forward. The reason I didn’t admit that I’ve attended the AI finales is that I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed that I even watch the show, I don’t want to seem like some crazed fan because I’m really more of an unhappy addict. Honestly, I’ve never called in to vote for any of the contestants. Ok, that’s a lie. I did call and vote for Kelly Clarkson in the finals. And I hit redial twice. Then I realized how insignificant my three measly votes were and decided that was stupid. Apparently I forgot about how insignificant my votes were two years later as I once again called to vote for Fantasia. Just one vote though, because I remembered she was competing against Diana DeWhocares and she would do just fine without my votes. That’s the last time I voted. I swear. Not even for Chris Daughtry.
Whereas bartending at the Oscars is actual work, bartending for AI isn’t. I go in for three or four hours and for only an hour I do what could barely be considered labor. I pre-pour about 100 complimentary sodas from- who else?- Coke. Then I server a bunch of cocktails to celebrities who are only there in the hopes of getting two seconds of face time before 30 million viewers. Like the Oscars, we’re supposed to shut down 15 minutes before the show starts but with AI, there’s a little more leeway for serving the latecomers I want to siphon money from (like Teri Hatcher) while seconds later refusing those I’m hoping will throw a tantrum (like David Hasselhoff- I didn’t even ask what he wanted before telling him “no.” He came back later for a Diet Coke, which I now realize I should have spiked just for entertainment’s sake). Afterwards I can go in and watch as much of the show as I want. I mention all this to make it clear that I’m not putting in a ton of effort just so I can go to the stupid AI finale. It’s just hard to pass up a show that’s right around the corner for which I can actually get paid to be at. Comprende?
My American Idol finale presence miserably explained, on to the depression part. While breaking down the bar I caught some of the notable performances on the lobby tv, such as from Gwen Stefani, Gladys Knight and Smokey Robinson. I told the other bartender I didn’t really care to go in and see any of them. The only performers I’d rush in for would be Green Day and there’s no way they’d be on a show like this. I added that American Idol always features solo artists rather than bands anyway.
Not ten minutes later I heard Ryan introduce Green Day.
Anybody whose read my blog for any length of time should know I really like Green Day. It borders on the creepy way that a lot of people like American Idol. In fact, Green Day was indirectly responsible for me even starting this blog and my first post was about them. I’ve been waiting over two years for a new album and tour but have had to settle for just one televised performance from them in the last year (with U2 at the re-opening of the Louisiana Superdome last September). And their next scheduled appearance is in the “Simpsons” film. In animation. Not the same thing.
As soon as Ryan uttered the word “Green” I bolted. The last time I moved that fast was probably at the Green Day concert at the Wiltern when Billie Joe invited more people to come down to the pit. Nothing lights a fire under me more than Green Day does. I entered the door in the orchestra section so I’d be right next to the stage. But I couldn’t see the band. There was a scaffolding blocking my view somewhat so I moved around a little bit. Still couldn’t see them. Then a security guard who had witnessed my mad dash to the theatre came in and told me that Green Day had taped their performance just before the show. A two-hour live finale and the only two taped segments were the Ford video and Green Day’s performance. Unfuckingbelievable. So then I asked what time they taped their set. The guy told me it was around 3:30, just about the time I came in for the day. That’s when I almost lost consciousness. After arriving, I had entered the theatre for a little while to check out the rehearsals and saw the performances of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, massive curlers in their hair and all. But apparently, for some “let’s fuck Jenée” reason, when I went to set up the bar, the feed to the theatre was turned off ONLY for the taping of the Green Day segment. I was fifty feet away from having a semi-private Green Day performance and didn’t even know it. I could have ambushed them at their dressing rooms but I didn’t even know they were in the building. Why is life so cruel?
After the show, I exited through the backstage area and passed all the idol contestants, including Jordin and Blake. I wanted to hug Blake and tell him I understood the disappointment he was feeling because I was feeling a disappointment of a similar kind. (Admittedly, when it comes to Green Day, my perspective on things may be a bit skewed).
Now for some weird little coincidences in the situation… Earlier in the afternoon one of the bartenders reminded me that I had sung the praises of Green Day’s “American Idiot” album a while back and had promised to burn copy of it for him to check out. I had made him the cd but then I didn’t see him for a long time and completely forgot about it. When he mentioned it, it occurred to me that I might still have the disc in my bag, which I did and gave it to him. I made the disc about a year and a half ago and I’ve seen him several times since yet he happened to pick today to bring it up and chat a bit about the band.
The second coincidence is that on the way to the Wiltern Theatre show in October ’05, my tire blew out on the freeway. Last night, I started to pull out of my parking space and discovered one of my tires was suddenly completely flat. Two flats in my entire life and both were right before opportunities to see Green Day. I’m getting all new tires tomorrow but I swear, the next time I get a flat, the very first thing I’m doing is checking on the whereabouts of Green Day.
*UPDATE A FEW HOURS LATER*- My major disappointment in missing Green Day’s set is because they’re such amazing performers. I just saw their set on the show and they did nothing. I mean, they barely even moved. So that makes me feel much better that I didn’t miss much and you should be happy to know the razor blades have been returned to their proper locations.
American Idol Finale
Since I wrote about the Heroes finale I should probably discuss the American Idol finale as well (and maybe some others in the next couple days). I mentioned I dropped a few shows so it may come as a surprise that this wasn’t one of them. I’m telling you, it’s some sort of mind control they have. I can’t even explain why I watch it. I just do.
The fact is, it’s been a rather boring season. Boring enough that I never watched any of the results shows and honestly considered dropping the show altogether (as if it was even in my power to do so). However, with 30 million people watching it each week I’m forced to stick with it so I won’t be the fool in a discussion who thinks a Sanjaya is the newest burrito wrap from Taco Bell.
There was some great singing this season but very few memorable performances. And America actually got the elimination order right for the first time so there was no drama from an upset. The only elimination that differed from my list was of the aforementioned Sanjaya, whom I wanted to finish third. If you gasped at that statement, that’s part of the reason why. The sadist in me got a real kick out of the way his continued survival in the competition infuriated the people who take this show way too seriously (perhaps different people get different doses of the mind control). He was awful but it was in a “What will he do next?” kind of way. We used to get that from Paula but it appears she finally decided to stop hitting happy hour on her way to the broadcast. I’m sure a lot of male viewers got their kicks trying to catch glimpses of Haley’s underwear as her skirts got smaller and smaller but that just didn’t do it for me so Sanjaya was my little treat each week.
I was particularly surprised that the voters got the elimination of judge-favorite Melinda correct. I expected her to go to the finale with Jordin but I’m glad she didn’t. She’s probably the best singer ever on the show but, like 4th place finisher Lakisha, she looks and sounds about 40 years too old. I can’t imagine being interested in any album that either of them puts out. Plus I didn’t like her from the onset. She always had this shocked expression every time the judges complimented her (which was always). I find it hard to believe that someone that talented doesn’t know it. So she’s either a phony or she’s completely clueless, two qualities I just can’t support.
Now we’re down to Blake and Jordin, my two early favorites. Simon summed them up pretty well: she’s a better singer, he’s a better performer. I want Blake to win. His rendition of “You Give Love A Bad Name” was awesome, which was particularly satisfying after Jon Bon Jovi arrogantly speculated people loved the original so much they probably wouldn’t accept a new version. We did. I also love Blake’s little dance moves, though I’m not sure if it would be a good or bad thing if the guys in America attempted to emulate them. The judges have praised Blake for being current, which I have to disagree with. He’s soooo 80′s. But I love 80′s music, which is why I’m rooting for him. He’s like, totally gnarly.
Even though I want Blake to win, I know Jordin will. She’s just fits the image of an American Idol better. Unfortunately, it’s the same image and sound as every other female pop star right now so I doubt I’d recognize her on the radio. Then again, the only American Idol contestant ever that I recognize on the radio and actually like is Chris Daughtry (whose album is great, by the way). So I suppose it really doesn’t matter who wins. I’ll just be glad when it’s all over so I can begin my American Idol resistance therapy and be done with this crappy show for good.
Or at least until next January.
