I was purchasing alcohol in a store and the cashier asked me, “How old are you?”
I said, “21.”
With a surprised look he responded, “Really? No you’re not.”
I asked, “Do you think I’m younger?”
He said, “No, older.”
I replied, “Then why are you asking me my age? Just sell me the booze.”
While exiting 7-11, I waited a few extra seconds to hold the door for a guy who was entering. Not only didn’t he thank me, he didn’t even acknowledge my existence in any way, as if I was the official 7-11 doorman and I might expect a tip if he looked at me.
Standing in line at a store, a guy said to me, “You’re freakishly tall.” I’m 5’10″, which is tall but it’s a good inch or two from “freakishly” tall. Then again, he’s hovering around that questionable mark for riding Space Mountain, so to him I probably do seem freakishly tall. But I can’t figure out why a guy so short would even make that comment. It’s like he was looking for a fight. I should have patted him on the head and said, “Don’t worry, you’ll probably sprout up once you hit puberty.”
I’m starting to understand the appeal of QVC.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2006. |
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I was purchasing alcohol in a store and the cashier asked me, “How old are you?”
I said, “21.”
With a surprised look he responded, “Really? No you’re not.”
I asked, “Do you think I’m younger?”
He said, “No, older.”
I replied, “Then why are you asking me my age? Just sell me the booze.”
While exiting 7-11, I waited a few extra seconds to hold the door for a guy who was entering. Not only didn’t he thank me, he didn’t even acknowledge my existence in any way, as if I was the official 7-11 doorman and I might expect a tip if he looked at me.
Standing in line at a store, a guy said to me, “You’re freakishly tall.” I’m 5’10″, which is tall but it’s a good inch or two from “freakishly” tall. Then again, he’s hovering around that questionable mark for riding Space Mountain, so to him I probably do seem freakishly tall. But I can’t figure out why a guy so short would even make that comment. It’s like he was looking for a fight. I should have patted him on the head and said, “Don’t worry, you’ll probably sprout up once you hit puberty.”
I’m starting to understand the appeal of QVC.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2006. |
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Lesson for the kids: The 99 Cent Store is good for items like shaving cream and pens- maybe even a six pack of Guatemalan beer when times are tough- but it’s best not to skimp when it comes to the essentials. I can only wonder how many unwanted children are a result of 99 Cent Store condoms.
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Lesson for the kids: The 99 Cent Store is good for items like shaving cream and pens- maybe even a six pack of Guatemalan beer when times are tough- but it’s best not to skimp when it comes to the essentials. I can only wonder how many unwanted children are a result of 99 Cent Store condoms.
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I figured the numerical coincidence was a sign that I should buy a lottery ticket. Gamblers always see weird things as lucky signs. One time, my friend and I drove to Vegas and passed a burning car along the way. For some reason we were certain that was a lucky sign (nobody headed to Vegas sees anything as an unlucky sign). As it turned out, we lost our asses.
Before heading home, we tried to eat our “free” breakfast that cost enough to feed several third world countries for a year, but it’s hard to swallow when there’s a knot of suicidal intentions stuck in your throat. Then we got really stupid, yanked out some more cash and hit the tables again. The pitboss arranged to extend our room several hours. With five minutes to go until lockout, we’d both won ALL our money back! We literally ran to the elevators and desperately yelled, “Hold the door!!” The guy did and my friend and I turned into a couple of blathering idiots speaking 1000 words a minute:
“Omigod-we-were-up-all-night-and-we-lost-all-our-money-and-then-we-went-
back-to-the-tables-and-we-won-it-all-back…!”
for 20 floors. The guy smiled and said, “Right on.” All cool from Mr. Cool himself, Peter Fonda. Even though we didn’t actually win money on the trip, coming back from where we’d been felt unbelievably lucky, so now we always hope to see disasters on the road to Vegas.
Back to the 7-11. I bought a ticket and scratched it right there. I’ve learned not to take those home with me because when I do and win, it takes me about six months to finally turn it in. All the while it’s positioned in a prominent spot on my desk at least six inches from any other objects like it’s the Holy Grail and I’m terrified any clutter will cause me to throw it out by mistake. All that even though the most I ever won was $10 (once).
My sign recognition was once again on the money… I won $2 (off a $2 scratcher). I proudly handed the cashier the ticket and he ran it through the computer. Then he asked me, “How do you want it?”
I stood there staring at him with my mouth agape for a good 10 seconds. How do I want it? Hmmm, I don’t know…in gold bullion? Or maybe on one of those big checks from Ed McMahon. Better yet, throw it into a high yield cd, let it roll over and in a year I’ll have a nickel to toss to the homeless guys who accost me every time I walk in the joint.
How many options are there for two dollars? Maybe some people like to splurge and spend it all at once on Slurpees but I’ve learned my lesson and took the cold hard cash.
Another break-even victory for me!
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2006. |
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I figured the numerical coincidence was a sign that I should buy a lottery ticket. Gamblers always see weird things as lucky signs. One time, my friend and I drove to Vegas and passed a burning car along the way. For some reason we were certain that was a lucky sign (nobody headed to Vegas sees anything as an unlucky sign). As it turned out, we lost our asses.
Before heading home, we tried to eat our “free” breakfast that cost enough to feed several third world countries for a year, but it’s hard to swallow when there’s a knot of suicidal intentions stuck in your throat. Then we got really stupid, yanked out some more cash and hit the tables again. The pitboss arranged to extend our room several hours. With five minutes to go until lockout, we’d both won ALL our money back! We literally ran to the elevators and desperately yelled, “Hold the door!!” The guy did and my friend and I turned into a couple of blathering idiots speaking 1000 words a minute:
“Omigod-we-were-up-all-night-and-we-lost-all-our-money-and-then-we-went-
back-to-the-tables-and-we-won-it-all-back…!”
for 20 floors. The guy smiled and said, “Right on.” All cool from Mr. Cool himself, Peter Fonda. Even though we didn’t actually win money on the trip, coming back from where we’d been felt unbelievably lucky, so now we always hope to see disasters on the road to Vegas.
Back to the 7-11. I bought a ticket and scratched it right there. I’ve learned not to take those home with me because when I do and win, it takes me about six months to finally turn it in. All the while it’s positioned in a prominent spot on my desk at least six inches from any other objects like it’s the Holy Grail and I’m terrified any clutter will cause me to throw it out by mistake. All that even though the most I ever won was $10 (once).
My sign recognition was once again on the money… I won $2 (off a $2 scratcher). I proudly handed the cashier the ticket and he ran it through the computer. Then he asked me, “How do you want it?”
I stood there staring at him with my mouth agape for a good 10 seconds. How do I want it? Hmmm, I don’t know…in gold bullion? Or maybe on one of those big checks from Ed McMahon. Better yet, throw it into a high yield cd, let it roll over and in a year I’ll have a nickel to toss to the homeless guys who accost me every time I walk in the joint.
How many options are there for two dollars? Maybe some people like to splurge and spend it all at once on Slurpees but I’ve learned my lesson and took the cold hard cash.
Another break-even victory for me!
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2006. |
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So my first attack of 2006 shall be against my piece of crap web hosting company who likes to periodically screw with my email. First they removed my email catch-all a few months ago without notifying me, causing me to lose a lot of letters. Basically, what the catch-all does is forward all email sent to my domain to my main email account. The problem for me is that I make up new email addresses all the time. For instance, if I go to a company’s website and have to submit a valid email address I’ll put in the company’s name followed by “@jenee.net” so that I can keep track of who’s whoring my address. For three days, I had to keep filling out support tickets to get the stupid customer service reps to understand that I don’t need their assistance in blocking spam if it means I’m missing important emails. My letters started out very cordial, with “please” and “thank you” and eventually degenerated to “DON’T FUCK WITH MY MAIL EVER AGAIN.” Sadly it was the latter approach which finally worked and my catch-all was reinstated.
Then recently, I noticed I was receiving drastically fewer emails. It went from about 80 pieces per day to about 10. I couldn’t figure it out. I spent way too much time adjusting my Outlook settings and sending myself emails trying to determine where all the mail had gone but I was stumped. Then an incident occurred where I had to write to my poker site about a problem and didn’t receive a response. They’re always awesome about replying quickly so I sent them a few more letters over the next few days (no degeneration this time because they’re very cool). They made a couple of bonus deposits to my account, which was great, but I still wanted an answer to my inquiry. I finally got one when I accidentally wrote to them from a different email address and they told me that they’d done some investigating and learned my web host had added Spam Cop to my site. It blocks certain content and IP addresses that it has determined sends spam. But neither I nor the sender is notified the mail isn’t being delivered.
I was absolutely furious when I learned this. I couldn’t believe my hosting company implemented something like this without telling me. Was I not clear when I wrote, “DON’T FUCK WITH MY MAIL EVER AGAIN?” The support tickets started again and I didn’t even attempt to be polite. In their responses, they insisted that Spam Cop is necessary (though I really don’t understand how it affects them). I explained that receiving my email is necessary and that I’ve got all kinds of junk mail filters in place. I even directed them to their own terms of service which essentially says that they don’t touch customers’ email. I got nowhere. These bastards refuse to remove their little spam nazi.
The most frustrating aspect of the whole situation is that they’re a pretty cheap company so when problems occur, I’ve got no leverage. I can’t threaten to take my business elsewhere because they’ll just say, “Oh no! Guess we’ll have to order a medium pizza instead of a large for the next company party.” They probably giggle about their “99.9% uptime guarantee” knowing that even though they’re closer to 85%, what are the customers going to do about it? I only have two paid months left and I considered staying with them just because they promised me another two free months for all the emails I lost when they removed the catch-all. The stubborn side of me wants to get everything they owe me but then I realized sticking it to them for $6-8 won’t exactly sting.
In the process of writing this post I got so annoyed that I moved my domain over to the reseller account I just purchased where I’m the boss and can host as many domains as I want. Unfortunately, I screwed something up and now my homepage doesn’t work properly. And the worst part is, now I’ve got nobody I can complain to!
Great start for the new year.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2006. |
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So my first attack of 2006 shall be against my piece of crap web hosting company who likes to periodically screw with my email. First they removed my email catch-all a few months ago without notifying me, causing me to lose a lot of letters. Basically, what the catch-all does is forward all email sent to my domain to my main email account. The problem for me is that I make up new email addresses all the time. For instance, if I go to a company’s website and have to submit a valid email address I’ll put in the company’s name followed by “@jenee.net” so that I can keep track of who’s whoring my address. For three days, I had to keep filling out support tickets to get the stupid customer service reps to understand that I don’t need their assistance in blocking spam if it means I’m missing important emails. My letters started out very cordial, with “please” and “thank you” and eventually degenerated to “DON’T FUCK WITH MY MAIL EVER AGAIN.” Sadly it was the latter approach which finally worked and my catch-all was reinstated.
Then recently, I noticed I was receiving drastically fewer emails. It went from about 80 pieces per day to about 10. I couldn’t figure it out. I spent way too much time adjusting my Outlook settings and sending myself emails trying to determine where all the mail had gone but I was stumped. Then an incident occurred where I had to write to my poker site about a problem and didn’t receive a response. They’re always awesome about replying quickly so I sent them a few more letters over the next few days (no degeneration this time because they’re very cool). They made a couple of bonus deposits to my account, which was great, but I still wanted an answer to my inquiry. I finally got one when I accidentally wrote to them from a different email address and they told me that they’d done some investigating and learned my web host had added Spam Cop to my site. It blocks certain content and IP addresses that it has determined sends spam. But neither I nor the sender is notified the mail isn’t being delivered.
I was absolutely furious when I learned this. I couldn’t believe my hosting company implemented something like this without telling me. Was I not clear when I wrote, “DON’T FUCK WITH MY MAIL EVER AGAIN?” The support tickets started again and I didn’t even attempt to be polite. In their responses, they insisted that Spam Cop is necessary (though I really don’t understand how it affects them). I explained that receiving my email is necessary and that I’ve got all kinds of junk mail filters in place. I even directed them to their own terms of service which essentially says that they don’t touch customers’ email. I got nowhere. These bastards refuse to remove their little spam nazi.
The most frustrating aspect of the whole situation is that they’re a pretty cheap company so when problems occur, I’ve got no leverage. I can’t threaten to take my business elsewhere because they’ll just say, “Oh no! Guess we’ll have to order a medium pizza instead of a large for the next company party.” They probably giggle about their “99.9% uptime guarantee” knowing that even though they’re closer to 85%, what are the customers going to do about it? I only have two paid months left and I considered staying with them just because they promised me another two free months for all the emails I lost when they removed the catch-all. The stubborn side of me wants to get everything they owe me but then I realized sticking it to them for $6-8 won’t exactly sting.
In the process of writing this post I got so annoyed that I moved my domain over to the reseller account I just purchased where I’m the boss and can host as many domains as I want. Unfortunately, I screwed something up and now my homepage doesn’t work properly. And the worst part is, now I’ve got nobody I can complain to!
Great start for the new year.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2006. |
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With the stores already closed, I’m second-guessing some of my gift selections. In the past, shopping for my nephews was always a breeze. This year while cruising the kiddie aisles I struggled to find anything they don’t already have. What do you get the pre-schoolers who have everything? I ended up getting them soccer boppers even though the box says they’re for ages seven and up. I figured, how dangerous can they be? Then I told a friend about the gift and he said years ago his drunk dad and uncle brawled with soccer boppers and his uncle broke his dad’s nose. That really doesn’t tell me if soccer boppers are too dangerous for a two and four-year-old just that they probably shouldn’t be used while intoxicated. So instead of returning the gift, I think I’ll just add a breathalyzer to it.
For my parents, I purchased Sirius satellite radio for their car. I don’t think they’re big radio people but I know Dad will love all the sports coverage and Mom will enjoy the Martha Stewart channel. Plus, it sounds like they plan to make frequent trips to Arizona next year and after 40 years together, I’m sure they welcome anything other than conversation to pass the time. But I just saw a commercial for the Playboy channel and discovered it costs exactly the same per month as the satellite radio subscription. And I realized that after 40 years together, THAT’s probably what they’d welcome more than anything. However, my parents are the type who repeatedly comment on the last gift you gave them. I don’t think I could bear to hear them tell me how much they enjoyed Memoirs of a Gay Slut and The Liar, the Bitch and the Whore Probe. Satellite radio it shall be.
Maybe next year, I’ll save myself some trouble and give the present everybody can use: gift cards to the 99 cent store. Then my parents can tell me how much they love using their new shampoo and toothpaste and impress me with all the Spanish they learned in the process.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2005. |
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With the stores already closed, I’m second-guessing some of my gift selections. In the past, shopping for my nephews was always a breeze. This year while cruising the kiddie aisles I struggled to find anything they don’t already have. What do you get the pre-schoolers who have everything? I ended up getting them soccer boppers even though the box says they’re for ages seven and up. I figured, how dangerous can they be? Then I told a friend about the gift and he said years ago his drunk dad and uncle brawled with soccer boppers and his uncle broke his dad’s nose. That really doesn’t tell me if soccer boppers are too dangerous for a two and four-year-old just that they probably shouldn’t be used while intoxicated. So instead of returning the gift, I think I’ll just add a breathalyzer to it.
For my parents, I purchased Sirius satellite radio for their car. I don’t think they’re big radio people but I know Dad will love all the sports coverage and Mom will enjoy the Martha Stewart channel. Plus, it sounds like they plan to make frequent trips to Arizona next year and after 40 years together, I’m sure they welcome anything other than conversation to pass the time. But I just saw a commercial for the Playboy channel and discovered it costs exactly the same per month as the satellite radio subscription. And I realized that after 40 years together, THAT’s probably what they’d welcome more than anything. However, my parents are the type who repeatedly comment on the last gift you gave them. I don’t think I could bear to hear them tell me how much they enjoyed Memoirs of a Gay Slut and The Liar, the Bitch and the Whore Probe. Satellite radio it shall be.
Maybe next year, I’ll save myself some trouble and give the present everybody can use: gift cards to the 99 cent store. Then my parents can tell me how much they love using their new shampoo and toothpaste and impress me with all the Spanish they learned in the process.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2005. |
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Huh? A home pregnancy test???
Yes, the brilliant minds at Sav-on determined that EPT Plus fits into the category of “impulse buy” (and/or “stocking stuffer”). Don’t they realize a pregnancy test is always the first item on the shopping list and never an afterthought? No woman gets in line, sees the boxes of EPT and says to herself, “Come to think of it, my belly’s getting quite large and I haven’t had my period in six months. Maybe I should buy this.”
A home pregnancy test is one of those items a person goes to the story specifically to buy, like Depends or Kaopectate. And nobody wants to pick up these products with a bunch of other shoppers watching. They want to find them on the middle shelf of an empty aisle so they can throw them in the basket quickly. Then they find wrapping paper, balloons, a card and a rubber chicken so it looks like some elaborate gag gift. At least, that’s what I’d do, because with my luck, I’d grab one of these items then run into some guy I’d been dating for only a week.
If they’re going to display a home pregnancy test as an impulse buy, the least they should do is fill another basket with condoms. That way, if any of the tests come back negative, maybe the store will get some repeat business from the ones who “learned their lesson.”
I’m tempted to return to the store and purchase 10 boxes of EPT. When the cashier shoots me the inevitable look, I’ll give her a wink and say, “Thanks for the reminder to load up before spring training begins. This could be my last year to nab a pro.”
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Huh? A home pregnancy test???
Yes, the brilliant minds at Sav-on determined that EPT Plus fits into the category of “impulse buy” (and/or “stocking stuffer”). Don’t they realize a pregnancy test is always the first item on the shopping list and never an afterthought? No woman gets in line, sees the boxes of EPT and says to herself, “Come to think of it, my belly’s getting quite large and I haven’t had my period in six months. Maybe I should buy this.”
A home pregnancy test is one of those items a person goes to the story specifically to buy, like Depends or Kaopectate. And nobody wants to pick up these products with a bunch of other shoppers watching. They want to find them on the middle shelf of an empty aisle so they can throw them in the basket quickly. Then they find wrapping paper, balloons, a card and a rubber chicken so it looks like some elaborate gag gift. At least, that’s what I’d do, because with my luck, I’d grab one of these items then run into some guy I’d been dating for only a week.
If they’re going to display a home pregnancy test as an impulse buy, the least they should do is fill another basket with condoms. That way, if any of the tests come back negative, maybe the store will get some repeat business from the ones who “learned their lesson.”
I’m tempted to return to the store and purchase 10 boxes of EPT. When the cashier shoots me the inevitable look, I’ll give her a wink and say, “Thanks for the reminder to load up before spring training begins. This could be my last year to nab a pro.”
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2005. |
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Now I have to figure out who’s dumber: the people who braved the elements for two days to buy a $299 Xbox or the people who didn’t wait but are now paying $1000+ for an item that will be restocked in mid December. Tough one. Kid turning down the opportunity for a 4-500% profit or buyer paying a 4-500% markup.
I can’t decide. But I wouldn’t be opposed to a fight-to-the-death between the groups to determine who’s the lesser moron. Either way, society wins.
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Now I have to figure out who’s dumber: the people who braved the elements for two days to buy a $299 Xbox or the people who didn’t wait but are now paying $1000+ for an item that will be restocked in mid December. Tough one. Kid turning down the opportunity for a 4-500% profit or buyer paying a 4-500% markup.
I can’t decide. But I wouldn’t be opposed to a fight-to-the-death between the groups to determine who’s the lesser moron. Either way, society wins.
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Now before I begin my usual barrage of ridicule, my regular readers don’t need to remind me that last week I waited in a long line for my little passion. But it was two hours in perfect 80 degree weather for a one-time-only event. I think that meets the criteria for mental stability. These fools risked pneumonia, muggings and possible inclusion in an Apprentice task to buy a stupid video game!
Who are these people? I know it’s not minors because all the kids who were raised by the kind of parents that would allow them to camp out a couple days for a game will just steal the Xboxes from those who did wait. And any grown-up video game addicts will purchase their Xboxes from the little thieves an hour later (at half the retail price). That leaves a small segment of the population: the college students. On reading more about the release, I learned that Peter Gonzalez, 19, who waited for nearly 30 hours, said he would stay up all night playing games before heading to classes in the morning. I always wondered what the “liberal arts” college major meant and now I’m certain it means “mental deterioration on Daddy’s dollar.”
It’s just plain stupid to wait hours or days for something that will be available to the public without delay in another week. Who cares who got a game or saw a movie on day one? Anybody whose friends are impressed or jealous of the fact that they were among the first to buy an Xbox would be smarter to spend that time hitting some bars and trying to get laid. I think it’s safe to assume they’d be first among their friends to do that.
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Now before I begin my usual barrage of ridicule, my regular readers don’t need to remind me that last week I waited in a long line for my little passion. But it was two hours in perfect 80 degree weather for a one-time-only event. I think that meets the criteria for mental stability. These fools risked pneumonia, muggings and possible inclusion in an Apprentice task to buy a stupid video game!
Who are these people? I know it’s not minors because all the kids who were raised by the kind of parents that would allow them to camp out a couple days for a game will just steal the Xboxes from those who did wait. And any grown-up video game addicts will purchase their Xboxes from the little thieves an hour later (at half the retail price). That leaves a small segment of the population: the college students. On reading more about the release, I learned that Peter Gonzalez, 19, who waited for nearly 30 hours, said he would stay up all night playing games before heading to classes in the morning. I always wondered what the “liberal arts” college major meant and now I’m certain it means “mental deterioration on Daddy’s dollar.”
It’s just plain stupid to wait hours or days for something that will be available to the public without delay in another week. Who cares who got a game or saw a movie on day one? Anybody whose friends are impressed or jealous of the fact that they were among the first to buy an Xbox would be smarter to spend that time hitting some bars and trying to get laid. I think it’s safe to assume they’d be first among their friends to do that.
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It really is amazing to me that America, the land of the free, still has such screwed up priorities. Howard Stern has been practically forced off the public airwaves, while Tom Leykis gets to propagate misogynism to young impressionable men because he’s a bit more proficient with euphemisms. Connoisseurs of comedy have to pay to watch a quality sitcom like Curb Your Enthusiasm just because it contains a few naughty words while Joey rapidly contributes to the dumbing down of Americans on network television.
It’s not that I particularly like profanity. In fact, when someone uses it excessively they just sound ignorant. But even worse are the people who can never say a so-called “dirty word” or they use it in a censored fashion. Do people really think they’re somehow classier for saying, “the f word” instead of saying, “fuck?” I cringe when I see somebody write “n*gger” when what they mean is “nigger,” as if it’s the letter “i” that has oppressed black people all these years and a cute little asterisk somehow softens the word.
A woman I know told a tale about how upset her friend became when a guy called her “the c word.” Give me a break. You walk up to any woman and say, “You’re the c word” and she’ll be laughing too hard to get offended. Tell me he called her a “cunt” and maybe I’ll sympathize with her (unless, of course, she is one). Otherwise, don’t bother telling a story if you can’t tell it accurately.
I remember my sophomore English teacher telling the class, “Instead of calling somebody an ‘asshole,’ call him a ‘dolt’ or ‘dullard.’” That’s one hell of an English teacher who instructs his class to water down their statements with ineffectual words. Sadly, I think his message reflects the backward mentality of too many Americans: it’s perfectly fine to express a negative sentiment as long as you use an acceptable combination of letters.
I know I’m not saying anything new or profound here, I just really can’t comprehend the hang up people have with certain words. Let’s get the proper perspective on the problems that actually harm our society. But leave the vowels alone.
Frankly, I’m glad that I was unable to purchase American Idiot, an album that deals so much with the bullshit and hypocrisy in America, at Wal-Mart. Those sanctimonious assholes don’t deserve my 14 bucks.
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It really is amazing to me that America, the land of the free, still has such screwed up priorities. Howard Stern has been practically forced off the public airwaves, while Tom Leykis gets to propagate misogynism to young impressionable men because he’s a bit more proficient with euphemisms. Connoisseurs of comedy have to pay to watch a quality sitcom like Curb Your Enthusiasm just because it contains a few naughty words while Joey rapidly contributes to the dumbing down of Americans on network television.
It’s not that I particularly like profanity. In fact, when someone uses it excessively they just sound ignorant. But even worse are the people who can never say a so-called “dirty word” or they use it in a censored fashion. Do people really think they’re somehow classier for saying, “the f word” instead of saying, “fuck?” I cringe when I see somebody write “n*gger” when what they mean is “nigger,” as if it’s the letter “i” that has oppressed black people all these years and a cute little asterisk somehow softens the word.
A woman I know told a tale about how upset her friend became when a guy called her “the c word.” Give me a break. You walk up to any woman and say, “You’re the c word” and she’ll be laughing too hard to get offended. Tell me he called her a “cunt” and maybe I’ll sympathize with her (unless, of course, she is one). Otherwise, don’t bother telling a story if you can’t tell it accurately.
I remember my sophomore English teacher telling the class, “Instead of calling somebody an ‘asshole,’ call him a ‘dolt’ or ‘dullard.’” That’s one hell of an English teacher who instructs his class to water down their statements with ineffectual words. Sadly, I think his message reflects the backward mentality of too many Americans: it’s perfectly fine to express a negative sentiment as long as you use an acceptable combination of letters.
I know I’m not saying anything new or profound here, I just really can’t comprehend the hang up people have with certain words. Let’s get the proper perspective on the problems that actually harm our society. But leave the vowels alone.
Frankly, I’m glad that I was unable to purchase American Idiot, an album that deals so much with the bullshit and hypocrisy in America, at Wal-Mart. Those sanctimonious assholes don’t deserve my 14 bucks.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2005. |
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But a gift card to the $.99 Store just says, “I have absolutely no idea what you like, but I know you don’t mind crap.”
So of course I had to buy one for my friend- and I only wanted to put $.98 on it. The problem is, you have to buy it for $9.99 so I tried explaining to the Mexican cashier that I wanted to use up all but $.98 on the card. It took me a good five minutes just to get her to understand how to charge $9.01 to the card, but she never got the joke.
I guess some things just don’t translate well.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2005. |
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8 comments |
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But a gift card to the $.99 Store just says, “I have absolutely no idea what you like, but I know you don’t mind crap.”
So of course I had to buy one for my friend- and I only wanted to put $.98 on it. The problem is, you have to buy it for $9.99 so I tried explaining to the Mexican cashier that I wanted to use up all but $.98 on the card. It took me a good five minutes just to get her to understand how to charge $9.01 to the card, but she never got the joke.
I guess some things just don’t translate well.
© Jenée for Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots, 2005. |
Permalink |
8 comments |
Subscribe to this post's comments