This reads like something out of The Onion, but it's legit. From the AP: The nation's Roman Catholic bishops adopted new guidelines for gay outreach Tuesday that are meant to be welcoming, while also telling gays to be celibate since the church considers their sexuality "disordered." [snip] The statement, "Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual Inclination," was adopted by a 194-37 vote, with one abstention, at a meeting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. Let me start with the title, "Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual Inclination." It sounds like something right out of the 1950's, kind of like "Rehabilitation for Wayward Young Women" or "Tolerance Toward Those Exhibiting Negroid Tendencies." With a title like that, you can be sure ...

Two ways to tell if a guy is gay: 1) He says he's gay 2) He's a political or religious leader who's vehemently opposed to gay marriage. "I bought (meth) for myself but never used it." "I got a massage from a male prostitute in a seedy hotel but we didn't have sex." People thought Bill Clinton's "I didn't inhale" was laughable. Thanks for the chuckles Reverend Ted Haggard! [tags]bill clinton, reverend ted haggard, homosexuality, gay marriage, meth[/tags]

Sometimes my responses to comments left for posts require a little more attention than the comments section provides so I've decided to reply to one comment for "All Work No Pray" in this post. "Orthodox Apprentice" wrote:

On the last episode of The Apprentice, two guys sat out a task in order to observe Dreidel Day or Buy A Baldie A Yarmulke Day or something like that. There are so many holidays, I can't keep track. Another Jewish guy, Lenny, showed up to do the job he beat out thousands of others to do. The team lost the task and when it came time to choose people to bring into the board room for firing, the project manager brought in Lenny but not the two absentees. After some debate, the project manager was fired but she should have been cut loose the second she decided not to bring in the two slackers, who should have been canned ...

From the "truth is stranger than fiction" files: The body of a Cincinnati woman spent the last couple years at home propped up in front of a tv, per her last wishes (making me wonder if her static viewing habits is the reason for ABC's dramatic ratings shift and why "The George Lopez Show" is still on the air). After the 61-year-old's death in August 2003, her caretaker left her upstairs in the home with the television and air conditioning running because she said, "Don't bury me. I'll be back." This alone makes the story of Terminator Granny fascinating, but there's more: Family members continued to live downstairs. Police went to the house last Wednesday after a relative who hadn't seen the lady ...

On Thursday night, I saw my first preview for The Book of Daniel, a quirky new dramedy about an Episcopalian priest and his dysfunctional family. I thought it looked interesting but I probably wouldn't have sought out the program. Then I read that several NBC affiliates had removed the show from their schedules in response to some boohooing from religious groups. That got my attention. No matter what the critics or fans say about a show, nothing is more likely to get me to tune in than hearing the Religious Right has a problem with it. I think they should do away with the current stars and thumbs in ratings and implement a system of crosses for each cult, I ...

I had lunch with Dad yesterday and he mentioned he had to pick Mom up from the hospital later in the afternoon. "Mom's in the hospital?" I asked. He answered, "Oh, thought I told everybody. She's been in since we got back from our trip." Nice to know how easily I'm forgotten in the information loop. It reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry's mom died and nobody notified him because they didn't want to ruin his trip to New York. Then they told him how great the funeral was! Hilarious. Whether Dad not telling me was accidental or intentional, I really can't blame him. The last time Mom was in the hospital I didn't know about it for several ...

I got into a newsgroup discussion with a guy named Douglas who wrote, "I'm not overly discriminative..." My response to him was, "The fact that you used the word 'overly' makes you overly discriminative in my book." Douglas took offense to my comment and countered with this giant leap for the civil rights movement: I am not going to lie to you that I dont check my locks when a black man walks near my car in the middle of a parking lot. At the same time I would defend that black man if he was being treated harshly due to racism. I wonder how Douglas would defend him? I suppose he would drive a safe distance across the lot then roll ...