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I Kissed A…Great Opportunity Goodbye

I have to hand it to singer Katy Perry for her insanely infectious tune, "I Kissed a Girl," which has rocketed to #1 on the singles charts. The title alone guaranteed it would be a hit and I'm disappointed that I wasn't as clever as Katy. See, I've never kissed a girl, a fact that I regret because I believe that if I had done so in my prime, I'd be far richer and more successful today. In my youth I was not aware that two girls kissing possessed more power than a nuclear explosion or that it was as effective at granting wishes ...

Signs My Date Is Too Young For Me

The first time I ever heard of The Jonas Brothers was on Christmas, when my niece-in-law (is that a term? It's my brother-in-law's niece) was bopping around to their music on her mp3 player so I had a listen. They sing that freakishly catchy music that I'll never seek out but if I ever hear it on the radio I'm sure I'll find myself singing it for hours afterward. Since then, I've come across several pictures of the teenyboppers and I'm afraid to find out how old they are because the future hotness potential of the middle one makes me a little warm. Is it wrong to have impure thoughts about a youngun' as ...

Cash For Trash

I thought I was done with Paris Hilton for awhile then along comes a story like this: LOS ANGELES (AP) -- An empty can of gourmet dog food taken from Paris Hilton's trash fetched $305 in an eBay auction. The sellers were from the Web site HollywoodStarTrash.com, which also listed several other Hilton items for sale on eBay. A used toothbrush sold for $305; two envelopes sent to her while she was in jail sold for $510; and a Coke can pulled from her trash went for $51. It kind of scares me that there are people in this world with free access to the Internet who can spare $300 on an empty can of dog food. WHY???? What's the plan? Will ...

American Idol Finale

Since I wrote about the Heroes finale I should probably discuss the American Idol finale as well (and maybe some others in the next couple days). I mentioned I dropped a few shows so it may come as a surprise that this wasn't one of them. I'm telling you, it's some sort of mind control they have. I can't even explain why I watch it. I just do. The fact is, it's been a rather boring season. Boring enough that I never watched any of the results shows and honestly considered dropping the show altogether ...

From Film To Television

With Oscar madness over, my site not functioning and winter finally making an appearance in So Cal, I spent the last few days catching up on a couple weeks' worth of tv. Yes, I watch some bad reality shows but I've got my remote skills honed to the point I can plow through most of them without ever having to hear the host's voice. Some thoughts and questions about what's happening on the small screen: American Idol- Is Kelamari Pickler for real?? Seriously. I strongly suspect she's a character from a new FOX sitcom and American Idol is merely a platform to promote it. Nobody is that much of a caricature of the stereotypical backwards hick. The only detail they skipped is the missing teeth. I have to agree with Simon that she is very likeable... in 30 second clips. But if I had to spend any more than a few minutes with her, I'd be shoving scones, falafel and other food items she's never heard of down her throat just to shut her up. My early predictions: Bucky, Kevin and the scratchy-voiced girl will be the next three to go. The sexy bald guy is my favorite performer but the wife and stepkids will make him seem like too much of an adult to the teenyboppers who actually call and vote so he'll probably only make it halfway. Ace, Lisa and Kelli will make final four. In the end, I think the fans will pick Kelly Clarkson Version 2: Katharine. But what do I know? And for the love of God, why do I care??? 24- I'm still about three hours behind on 24 but if the show is staying true to past years' form, I'm sure I can guess what's happening: Tony Almeida has probably already recovered from the morning's blast and is back at CTU with just a Snoopy bandage as proof of the explosion that killed his wife and nearly killed him. Jack's daughter Kim has returned only to fall prey to some creepy guy while wearing a tank top with no bra. Jack has uttered the phrase, "I'm the only person who can do this!" for the hundredth time and Chloe has scrunched her face for the millionth time. To celebrate the occasion, all CTU phones rang in unison: dee dee...duh nah. Am I right? Shhh. Don't tell me. There's been a burning question in my head for the last five seasons that I must ask: What is "division" and if it's so important that it has to send people in and handle the big decisions, why doesn't it run the whole show?

I Admit, I Watched “It”

Like 38 million other Americans, I tuned in to the premiere of American Idol. No, I wasn't forced to watch the program by the Bad Taste Society- I actually did so of my own free will. I realize this admission hurts my credibility when it comes to discussions of quality television, but I do have a good excuse. One of my poker buddies co-hosted the show the first season and I used to watch it just to give him some support. I didn't even like it enough to tune in every week but somewhere around the time Justin Guarini asked the crowd to tell him how much they loved him (consequently landing him in the bottom three the next night), ...

Eat Junk, Lose Weight!

I read a news article yesterday that makes me think I missed my bestseller opportunity. A science professor has introduced a no-diet diet he calls "intuitive eating." Basically, he says that if you only eat when you're hungry and don't eat to the point of fullness, you can eat whatever you want. He used this approach to lose 50 pounds and keep it off for five years. I'm telling you...It's true! I struggled with my weight most of my life. I was never fat or even chubby, just heavy enough to get the "You have a pretty face" compliments while my friends were off winning bikini contests. I tried all the diets and constantly fretted about my size. I spent way too ...

Reality Check

The MySpace situation I wrote about yesterday reminded me of a site that used to be popular called "Am I Hot or Not?" (I just checked and it's still around). People submit their photos and visitors rate them on a scale of 1 to 10. Most people seem to send in their best pictures as if their decision on whether or not to move to the Big Apple to pursue a career in modelling all hinges on the votes of a bunch of Internet dweebs. The majority of posted scores do not accurately reflect their real world rating but rather seem to indicate their beer goggle rating (which is about 2-3 points higher). This leads me to believe that ...

Just “1 Friends” On MySpace

A couple weeks ago, my friend Doug invited me to join MySpace.com. Normally I'd disregard such an invitation because I got my fill of instant messages from creepy strangers in the early days of AOL. But for some reason, Doug sent my invite to an old email address I'd all but forgotten about and I happened to check it and find Doug's invite the same day Green Day was premiering their "Jesus of Suburbia" video only on MySpace. I figured it must be some sort of sign I was supposed to be a part of the MySpace community and joined. I thought MySpace was a place to meet and interact with new people. I quickly learned it's some sort of sick ...

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