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Granny’s Got A Gun

This is one of those horrible news titles that I hate to admit made me laugh: Woman, 92, dies in shootout with police I instantly thought of one of my favorite South Park episodes "Grey Dawn" in which old people from the AARP commandeered the city aiming guns at all the citizens. One of the younger guys said, "You're bluffing" and an old lady immediately blew his head off (ok, so perhaps the humor is a bit lost in print but the scene is hilarious). I know some people think I'm a terrible person for finding humor in certain people's tragic deaths but come on, how often do you hear about a 92-year-old dying in combat? And think about how ineffective ...

This Isn’t The Pizza I Ordered

Grandma Drops Baby Off At Wrong Address Police received a call from a woman who said another woman she didn't know had driven up to her home, handed her a baby boy and a diaper bag and left. (Full story) The woman called the police because she had the baby in her possession. Maybe the old lady was a little senile but what's the woman's excuse? If a stranger shoved a baby in your arms wouldn't you tell the person, "This isn't my kid. I don't want it" BEFORE she left? I can't imagine granny dropped off the baby and zipped to her Oldsmobile with such swiftness she couldn't be caught. Very, very strange.

Rock On Granny

My mom wants to create a "Where's Waldo" book for my nephew by scanning an actual Waldo page then digitally superimposing my nephew as Waldo. But she's concerned she could get in trouble for copyright infringement. While I respect the high moralities of my parents, they're both retired now and I say it's time to live on the edge a little bit and finally throw caution to the wind: light up a doobie, give a cop the finger, go to a swingers party, get arrested, tell their younger daughter to "fuck off." You know, do all the things they've probably always wanted to do. When you reach a point in life where your actions can't really screw your future, why play ...

Anybody Seen Granny? (AKA What’s That Smell)?

From the "truth is stranger than fiction" files: The body of a Cincinnati woman spent the last couple years at home propped up in front of a tv, per her last wishes (making me wonder if her static viewing habits is the reason for ABC's dramatic ratings shift and why "The George Lopez Show" is still on the air). After the 61-year-old's death in August 2003, her caretaker left her upstairs in the home with the television and air conditioning running because she said, "Don't bury me. I'll be back." This alone makes the story of Terminator Granny fascinating, but there's more: Family members continued to live downstairs. Police went to the house last Wednesday after a relative who hadn't seen the lady ...

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