As a big "fuck you, you stupid ignorant fool" to Bush for his stem cell bill veto, I've decided to get pregnant and have an abortion. If anybody knows how I can contact George Clooney for assistance in this important political endeavor, please let me know. Also, if you haven't already seen video of Bush at the G8 summit dinner, it's below. I have absolutely no problem with our president cursing in front of other world leaders- in fact I like it. But you have to wonder about the sort of people Bush has surrounded himself by that apparently nobody has ever had the guts to say to him, "Dude, close your mouth when you eat. You look like a damn ...

...because the last line made me chuckle. AUSTIN - The reigning Miss Deaf Texas died Monday afternoon after being struck by a train, officials said. Tara Rose McAvoy, 18, was walking near railroad tracks when she was struck by a Union Pacific train, authorities said. A witness told Austin television station KTBC the train sounded its horn right up until the accident occurred. (Full story) [tags]deaf, train, miss deaf texas, railroad, Tara Rose McAvoy, horn[/tags]ping

I dared to buy deodorant at the 99 Cent Store. Big mistake. Not only did it fail to prevent odor, it CREATED a stank much worse than anything my body has ever produced on its own. And it just sort of crept up on me like a stink bomb had suddenly been released. Luckily I was at home and spared the embarrassment of public reekage but it made me realize that you have to have some serious olfactory problems to be oblivious to bad B.O. The next time I'm in close proximity to such an offender I don't think I'll politely ignore it because that's just rude on their part. Lesson for the kids: The 99 Cent Store is good for ...

As promised, I've thrown myself into the MySpace mix with guns blazing. I was really surprised how many of my close friends had MySpace pages and how many groups there are that cater to my very specific interests. I hope you'll check out my page and let me know what you think. I guess I should mention that the MySpace picture is a little more current than the photo on this site so it may come as a surprise to some of the regular readers: Jenée's MySpace page

I have to confess, I did something really stupid. I figured I'd give online dating a shot and decided to sign up at Match.com. I paid my non-refundable membership fees and waited for the emails to pour in. Apparently I didn't read the fine print and it turns out I signed up at misMatch.com. I don't want my money to go to waste so I've decided to make the best of it. Below are the profiles they sent me. Let me know if you think any would suit me. Bachelor #1 Bachelor #2 Bachelor #3 [tags]online+dating, internet+dating, personals, match, gag+profiles, bachelor, single, dating[/tags]

My mom wants to create a "Where's Waldo" book for my nephew by scanning an actual Waldo page then digitally superimposing my nephew as Waldo. But she's concerned she could get in trouble for copyright infringement. While I respect the high moralities of my parents, they're both retired now and I say it's time to live on the edge a little bit and finally throw caution to the wind: light up a doobie, give a cop the finger, go to a swingers party, get arrested, tell their younger daughter to "fuck off." You know, do all the things they've probably always wanted to do. When you reach a point in life where your actions can't really screw your future, why play ...

One piece of information my website keeps track of is the search strings people used to find my site. I pasted some of my recent favorites below. I don't know what's stranger: the fact that people searched for these particular word combinations or the fact that they found them in my blog. photos of protruding nipple hot pink fanny pack truth about supermodels ripped mole off sleep professional bum why cant you buy american idiot at walmart hot moms how to add more than eight friends myspace chapped bottom lip lip balm addiction i want a famous face jenee memoirs of a gay slut [tags]google, search+terms, search+words[/tags]

So today I hear on the news that the Xboxes, which retail for $299, are now going for well over $1000 on Ebay. This forces me to adjust some of the comments I made yesterday. I retract any criticsm toward the students who waited in line for the Xbox to make an $800+ return on their investment. There aren't a lot of college kids who can make that kind of scratch in one day unless they're peddling drugs or swinging from a pole. Now I have to figure out who's dumber: the people who braved the elements for two days to buy a $299 Xbox or the people who didn't wait but are now paying $1000+ for an item that will ...

Hundreds of video game fans camped out in New York's cold and rain to be among the first to buy the new Xbox released today. I blame Miss Liberty for requesting the "wretched refuse" instead of the "worthy achievers." Now before I begin my usual barrage of ridicule, my regular readers don't need to remind me that last week I waited in a long line for my little passion. But it was two hours in perfect 80 degree weather for a one-time-only event. I think that meets the criteria for mental stability. These fools risked pneumonia, muggings and possible inclusion in an Apprentice task to buy a stupid video game! Who are these people? I know it's not minors because all the ...

While shopping at the $.99 Store (because I make the big bucks), I noticed they have a gift card available for purchase. Now first of all, I think receiving any gift card is a little awkward. It's as if the giver is saying, "I have absolutely no idea what you like, but I'm afraid you'd spend cash on booze and gambling." But a gift card to the $.99 Store just says, "I have absolutely no idea what you like, but I know you don't mind crap." So of course I had to buy one for my friend- and I only wanted to put $.98 on it. The problem is, you have to buy it for $9.99 so I tried explaining to the ...

My four-year-old nephew got a Power Rangers costume for Halloween that he's been wearing for the last month or so. He has no idea how fortunate he is to have a costume he can enjoy for more than one night. When I was a kid, Dad used to take us to Thrifty's where we had about 10 minutes to decide which $1.99 piece of splendor it would be that year. I don't even know if they still make those costumes, the ones with the hard plastic mask and painted apron. Those costumes brought a lot of excitement to Halloween. Would this be the year I suffocate trying to breathe out the pin-sized hole? Would the slightest spark to the apron ...

My website keeps track of some non-essential information about my visitors and occasionally I check it out to see what new random site is linked to mine. While doing so today, I noticed I had some lengthy visits by people from Nigeria and Iran. It's somewhat rewarding to know that despite the political and social turmoil these people experience every day, they recognize the importance of what I had to say about Britney Spears in the "Fashion Police" column. [tags]britney+spears, fashion+police, website+search[/tags]

I'm on hold while I write this. My friend called me about 10 minutes ago (well past midnight, which is actually a pretty good time to call me) then told me she had another call and asked me to hold. It just occurred to me that I don't even know how my call waiting option works. It's not because I'm a technological idiot. In fact, I'm the rare geek who actually reads the manual before using a new electronic gadget. I don't know how to use the call waiting function because I never bother with it. Most of the time I'm on the phone, I just wanna get off (and I don't mean that in a 1-900, $.99 a minute ...