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Afghanistan ‘08- Day Two

I'm finally in Afghanistan! We left Germany at 6 am on a gigantic C-5 airplane. Crew: 8, passengers: 2. Does that qualify as flying on a private jet? I sat in the cockpit during takeoff with several hotties, which provided further confirmation to my belief that the Air Force is the best looking branch of the military (of course, when I perform for the Army I have to tell them they're the best looking). ...

Afghanistan ‘08- Day One

Actually, day one was mostly spent on (or waiting for) planes. I flew from LA to NY then transferred to a flight from NY to Frankfurt with ridiculously small seats. My seating companion on the latter flight was a wannabe Borat who liked to chat. Luckily, the only open seat on the flight happened to be next to his buddy so he spent most of the flight there, giving me some room to stretch out. He returned toward the end and said, "I like make present for beautiful woooman" and gave me a box of chocolates. I thought it was kind of strange that he happened to have an extra box of chocolates on him, even more strange when he ...

And The Winner Is… Me!

For the last five years I've bartended at the Academy Awards without having seen many (some years, any) of the best picture nominees beforehand. This year I decided to make the event more interesting by watching them all so that I wouldn't accidentally shoo away another best actor nominee. I got through four of the five pictures when, naturally, something better came along and now I won't be working the Oscars- that's because I'm going to Afghanistan instead! Ok, so "better" is a matter of perspective. This is something I begged to do the day after 9/11 (otherwise known as 9/12) but the company I've done overseas gigs for in the past never booked any tours in the area. ...

Bombs For North Korea With My Name On Them

Five a.m. rolled around and one of the guys asked, "You wanna paint a bomb?" I had absolutely no idea what that meant so I quickly said, "YEAH!"

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