When I returned from my Afghanistan/Paris trip, I mentioned here that I'd never been so happy to come home and I wasn't joking when I followed that by saying within 24 hours I was trying to get back out again. I contacted a friend who not only books monthly comedy tours in Iraq, he performs on each one. He happened to be in Iraq at the time I emailed him so he sent a brief response that we would do a tour together but didn't give any specifics. I got really excited about the prospect and especially going with him because I know we'd have a blast. He's the only person I've ever taken a true spur-of-the-moment road trip to ...

It seems only fitting that I should finally finish this on Memorial Day with some tributes to the soldiers. I met many awesome soldiers in Afghanistan and Kyrgyzstan who went out of their way to try and make me as comfortable and the trip as enjoyable as possible. And I felt kind of guilty when people asked where I was going next and I told them I was heading to Paris. So I decided that with every cocktail I'd say a little toast to a soldier I'd met along the way. I didn't take pictures of every drink I had, partly because my camera disk only holds 4GB and partly because I sometimes felt awkward sitting alone and taking pictures ...

Before I get to the European portion of my trip, there are some things I left out of my other recaps for various reasons and I'll include them here. One aspect of military tours I really love is getting to do things I never would have had the opportunity to do otherwise. Probably the coolest experience for me this time around was shooting an M4 semi-automatic weapon. A can was set up about 30 yards away and I plugged away at it, hitting it on each of ...

Our stop at Manas Air Base in Kyrgyzstan was supposed to be a brief one. We arrived after midnight and thought we'd be on a plane back to Germany the next day. No such luck. We weren't greeted by MWR people so we handled the lodging arrangements on our own. There was a problem involving Ira's Visa that I was stuck dealing with and it got me to bed quite late. I finally crashed in my windowless room, figuring someone would wake me when it was time to go. After almost three days with little more than cat naps, I slept until after noon then tried to figure out what the situation was. The situation was Ira managed to book ...

This morning we flew back to Bagram then caught a flight to Jalalabad. This first picture is of the airport just outside the base limits and the second is an aerial view of the first grass I’ve seen since I’ve been here. If you look closely you can see that every section of land is cordoned off by a wall- it’s like that all over Afghanistan. Some of these lots have properties on them but most don’t and I can’t quite figure out why so many barren sections of land have walls around them. On some flights they ask us what ...

Yesterday we rode in a convoy back to Bagram then hopped on a plane to Kandahar. Kandahar is farther south than the other bases we’ve been to and the daytime weather was in the 70’s so I was able to trade my heavy coat for my sarong and flip flops. I’m sure all the soldiers in their heavy gear hated me. I was given a driving tour of the base by some of the MWR (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) folks. They’re the ones who organize the shows and are sort of stuck babysitting us while we’re on their base. The highlight of the tour was their poop lake. Yes, it’s literally a lake of poop and as pleasant as it ...

Today we rode in a convoy to Camp Blackhorse, another small base around Kabul. The only live entertainment they’ve had in the last year was a military band that played Celtic music so, needless to say, we were well received. Prior to the show I joined one of the soldiers and a local interpreter for a traditional Afghan meal. The food didn’t scare me- it was actually quite good- and it was great to learn about the culture from a native. Not only that, he was seriously hot in a sweet, smart, has-no-idea-how-much-pussy-he-could-get-in-America kind of way. He told us how ...

After two days of flight delays, we finally got out of Bagram via convoy. I was excited to check out the countryside only to have the driver instruct us to keep an eye out for a particular Toyota Corolla suspected of being an IED (improvised explosive device). Nice- I travel halfway around the world only to be told to keep my eyes peeled for a car I can see every day back home. As we drove past little kids they’d give us a thumbs up, which I thought was really cool. Apparently some of them flash other fingers as well. ...

The Internet speed has been unbelievably slow at the last few bases- it takes about five minutes to load ONE page- so I'm going to have to hold off on uploading photos and updates until I have a better connection. Just thought I'd send a note to let you all know I'm alive and having a great time.

This being my third overseas tour, I’m quite familiar with the military’s “Hurry up and wait” operating procedure. I really think they need to change that slogan from “We do more before 9 am than most people do all day” to “We do more waiting before 9 am than most people do all day.” Today we checked in at 5:30 am for our 7 am flight and I was quite pleased that it was actually on time. We took off in an eight seater plane for a ride I was told would take about 10 minutes. Twenty minutes later we landed- at the same place we’d just left. Apparently there were some mechanical problems so we were told we’d have ...

I'm finally in Afghanistan! We left Germany at 6 am on a gigantic C-5 airplane. Crew: 8, passengers: 2. Does that qualify as flying on a private jet? I sat in the cockpit during takeoff with several hotties, which provided further confirmation to my belief that the Air Force is the best looking branch of the military (of course, when I perform for the Army I have to tell them they're the best looking). ...

Actually, day one was mostly spent on (or waiting for) planes. I flew from LA to NY then transferred to a flight from NY to Frankfurt with ridiculously small seats. My seating companion on the latter flight was a wannabe Borat who liked to chat. Luckily, the only open seat on the flight happened to be next to his buddy so he spent most of the flight there, giving me some room to stretch out. He returned toward the end and said, "I like make present for beautiful woooman" and gave me a box of chocolates. I thought it was kind of strange that he happened to have an extra box of chocolates on him, even more strange when he ...

For the last five years I've bartended at the Academy Awards without having seen many (some years, any) of the best picture nominees beforehand. This year I decided to make the event more interesting by watching them all so that I wouldn't accidentally shoo away another best actor nominee. I got through four of the five pictures when, naturally, something better came along and now I won't be working the Oscars- that's because I'm going to Afghanistan instead! Ok, so "better" is a matter of perspective. This is something I begged to do the day after 9/11 (otherwise known as 9/12) but the company I've done overseas gigs for in the past never booked any tours in the area. ...