I spent so much time finishing my travelogue that I haven’t talked tv in awhile so here’s the season wrap up:
Lost- Four seasons and it’s as strong as ever. I made nine predictions about the finale and I was thrilled to get eight of them correct. Ok, they weren’t exactly tough (Sawyer calls somebody by a nickname, Jack barks orders at someone, Kate gets rescued by either Sawyer or Jack, Hurley drips sweat, Sayid repairs something, Desmond says “brother,” Aaron cries, Michael dies and the one I missed, Locke rubs his head) but it always fun to guess anything correctly with this show. Actually, some earlier predictions of mine also came to fruition, namely that Locke was in the casket and that Penny would rescue the O6 (though, I thought Desmond would die minutes before that happened), so it wasn’t the sort of shocking season finale I’ve become accustomed to with Lost. But I’m glad to see the future of the show will apparently include Ben because he seriously rocks.
The Bachelor- I thought this guy was the best bachelor ever. He was a real-life Mr. Big- a tall, gorgeous, international financier. Seriously dreamy. But, not surprisingly, he chose the blonde sex kitten (who happens to be Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter) over the funny chick. I thought blondie was all right but I would have thought their hometown date with her mother would have scared him. It was a frightening glimpse into what she was going to look like in 25 years, that is, unless the surgeon who mutilated her mother’s face is put behind bars as he should be. Even though I don’t think he made the right choice, I do think these two will get married. But I also think they’ll get divorced soon after popping out a couple of freakishly beautiful children.
Survivor- I love it when a show can bring one of its best seasons ever in its 16th season. And Survivor succeeded in doing this, at least for the second half of the game. Watching all these boys stumble over their erect penises was awesome. And Erik… OH. MY. GOD. Earlier in the season I thought he was destined to be one of those quickly forgotten players, remembered only as “the dude with the awful Leif Garrett hairdo.” Little did I know. As much as I love a good blindside, I have to admit that watching the ladies devour him the way they did was actually painful for me. I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I would have with a guy who wasn’t so damn nice. But it frightens me that people as dumb as Erik are allowed to move freely about this country and even worse, vote. I thought Cirie played a great game her first time around and an even better one this time so she was my favorite to win but I think Parvati played the second-best game so I was happy to see her rewarded over Amanda “The Doe-Eyed Choker.”
American Idol- The finale answered the burning question: who is the worst dancer in the world, David Archuleta or Brooke White (answer: Brooke White by a mile-long moonwalk).The fact that David Cook won over the heavy favorite David Archuleta has restored a little bit of my faith in America’s taste (or maybe it just confirmed America’s sheep-like mentality when it comes to Simon Cowell, who made no secret about his desire for Cook to win). Don’t get me wrong, little David is a great singer and he’s unbelievably adorable. In fact, I want two David Archuleta dolls, one at his current size, the one where I pull the string when I’m feeling down and he says, “Aw, shucks. Life is just so wonderful,” which is the one I would have been all googly over at age 12. I’d also like the full size David A. doll, aged by about 20 years because I know it would look seriously hot on my bed. But I’m pleased with David Cook’s win because he’s only the second contestant (after Chris Daughtry) and the first winner ever whose music I would actually seek out. And first on the list will be his covers of “Hello” and “Billie Jean” which I thought were incredible.
The Hills- A few months ago I joked that a guy was too young for me if he’d ever watched The Hills. I honestly didn’t even know what The Hills was, just that it was on MTV. Then while I was traveling I read a bunch of magazines and every other page seemed to mention somebody from the show. Even John McCain said he never missed an episode and that Heidi was a great “actress.” It got to the point that I had to know if I was on Team Lauren or Team Speidi. Thanks to the raping this tv season took due to the writers’ strike, I had some room in my viewing schedule to check it out. Holy shit it’s addicting, mostly because it’s supposed to be a reality show but every scene is so obviously staged that it’s a complete train wreck. Basically, it’s a female version of Entourage except the stories primarily focus on a group of girls who repeatedly return to some pathetic excuses for men. It’s worth tuning in just to find out what a Justin Bobby is. But there’s also Spencer Pratt. What a piece of work this one is. He is the epitome of lameness and the saddest part is that because he’s good looking and on television, he’ll always be able to get laid despite his lameness. So whose team am I on? I’d probably be on Team Heidi if she showed enough sense to drop that fool Spencer. Lauren’s all right but she needs to learn how to let go of a grudge, particularly over something as insignificant as a little rumor. Whitney seems like a nice girl, though someone needs to teach her that words that end with a “g” END with a “g” and not with a “guh” (like “bringuh” or “thinguh”). Yeah, it’s nitpicky but it kinda bugs me. Audrina is just plain vapid so that leaves me on Team Lo, the girl who shoots her mouth off without really thinking. She sort of reminds me of somebody…
(Oh, and if you’re planning on voting for McCain, watch The Hills and tell me if a guy who claims to never miss an episode is someone you want to have access to the red button).
I think I’ve mentioned this here before that whenever I’ve flown over the last couple of years I’ve glanced around at the other passengers and compared them with the hotties on Lost‘s flight 815. And every time it’s been quite clear that if we were all stranded together, island pregnancies would not be an issue. This time I got a little proof of the kind of stud I’d be running from Smokey with:
Come to think of it, he kind of looks like he’s preparing for some island inseminations- assembly line style.
The “fall season” of Lost has come to an end. Sniff. While the six episodes we’ve seen so far have been a bit up and down, Lost at its worst is still better than anything else on the tube these days (Faith and Kanye aside). My thoughts/questions on this episode:
- It was great seeing Kate and Sawyer doing what could only be called in their current cleanliness states “the nasty.” That’s two women in two months for Sawyer. For being stranded on an island, he’s not doing too bad in that department. These people should consider themselves lucky that they have plenty of hotties to choose from. The last time I flew, I compared the people on my flight to the people on Flight 815 and all my options looked a lot more like Hurley, Ben and Bernard than Jack, Sawyer and Sayid.
- What was the deal with Alex using a slingshot against guys with guns? I guess she missed the news reports on how well that method worked for the Palestinians. And what’s her relationship with Ben? Adopted daughter? Teen bride?
- I think to be on Lost‘s usual par, the last two episodes should have been combined. They should have done Eko’s backstory (Kate’s seemed pointless) and death, the discovery of Patch, Jack and the videotape, Sawyer and Kate getting it on, Jack watching their nookie action and then Jack operating on Ben. But if would have been a better cliffhanger if they’d closed the episode either with the observation of Patch or with the gun to Sawyer’s head: “This is for Colleen…see ya in three months.”
- Jack, gun, what happened?
- Some Lost fans are complaining that so many regular characters are MIA and that we never witnessed Sayid report back to the other Losties about what happened with the boat. This omitted scene could shed some light as to why some characters have been relegated to mere guest appearances:
Sayid: We have no idea what happened to Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Michael and Hurley.
Locke: Hurley’s back and already filled us in.
Sayid: Oh, well, you know more than we do I guess. One more thing, I had a really bad plan to trap the Others and they ended up stealing the boat.
Hurley: Bummer dude.
Paolo: Should we send out another search party?
Sayid: Who the hell are you?
Paolo: I’m the lame-but-hot new guy who will probably be killed off before the season’s over and go back to a soap opera where I belong.
Claire: Aaron’s crying. I better feed him.
Charlie: I better help Claire.
Jin: Ã«â€šËœÃ¬ÂËœ Ã«Â°â€Ã¬Â§â‚¬Ã¬â€¢Ë†Ã¬â€”ÂÃªÂ³ Ã«Â¬Â¼.
Sun: Yes, what my husband said.
Desmond: I see dead people.
[Cut to "poof" with Lost logo]
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I am a happy, happy woman today now that Lost is back, albeit temporarily. Some comments on last night’s episode that nobody else will care about:
– First and foremost, could there have been any more commercials??? At first I thought, “Wow- this show is so great the time is just flying by.” Then I realized, no, there were actually commercials every 6-7 minutes. I think this was the first time I ever watched the show live and it will most likely be the last time.
– LOVED the opening. I tried hard to figure out who’s backstory that woman was from and never saw it coming that she was an Other. Seeing the plane break up from their perspective was awesome. Juliet’s facial expressions/tears in response to the lyrics in “Downtown” and her comment that “I thought free will still existed on this…” just before the earthquake were both very interesting. Does she really want to be there and does she even have a choice?
– The Hydra’s an underwater hatch. I wonder just how big it is…?
– Zeke commented to Kate, “You’re not my type.” I’m guessing he’s gay. Any importance?
– Are the Others playing with their minds or what? Their respective “prisons” were tailor made for them. Kate was given what every woman would want after a couple months on an island: to feel pretty. Then they plopped her in her lovely dress across from Sawyer to see what happens (I’m curious what could have caused the injuries on her wrists and what an “unpleasant next two weeks” means). Sawyer’s Pavlovian experiment tested his need (and possibly aptitude) for getting around the system. I wonder if “Chachie” (I love Sawyer’s nicknames- I melted once again from his sweet “Freckles” when he gave Kate the biscuit) is one of the Tailies who was captured early or if he’s an Other and the escape was all a setup? The look on Sawyer’s face when Zeke told him the (polar?) bears figured out the feeding contraption in only two hours was priceless. Jack was tested to see if he could abandon his trust and control issues. I don’t think they were ever in danger for their lives in that tank. I believe the flood was totally planned and was an attempt to make him trust Juliet when she helped him and to teach him that when they say not to do something, don’t do it. I wonder if the strong resemblance Juliet bears to his ex-wife is the reason why she’s the one dealing with Jack?
– Does Juliet actually know there’s a strong resemblance to Jack’s ex-wife? At first I thought the Others must have access to the outside world but then it occurred to me that all that information she provided could have been gleened while Henry/Ben was in custody or while Jack was under sedation.
– Anybody else think the way Jack slammed Juliet against the table and then held the taser to her throat was kinda hot? I’m not some kind of freak; If Hurley had done it, not hot. But from the good doctor, kinda hot.
– Speaking of Hurley, I did miss him, Locke and Sayid (not so much anybody else). I’m looking forward to next week’s episode to find out what happened with Locke, Eko and Desmond in the hatch and to find out what sort of plans the rest of the Losties have for rescuing their friends. I wonder how long we’ll have to wait to learn the fate of Michael and Walt and to find out what exactly those two guys on the Arctic boat discovered…?
I have been the major slacker blogger lately but with sweeps month ending, I should be a lot better (or not). Before I get to my recaps, I’ll mention that I’ve noticed I seem to have the same reactions each week at the end of most of the shows I watch. They are:
24- “Oh my God!” (often it’s also followed by “I can’t believe they killed…”)
American Idol- “Why do I watch this show?”
The Apprentice- “Moron.”
Lost- “What the hell was that???!!”
CSI- “I gotta stop watching this when I’m eating.”
The Sopranos- (this season) “That sucked.”
Desperate Housewives- “I need to work out.”
Now for the finale recaps:
Lost- I’ll start with the best show on television, Lost. Even though it’s coming back next season (temporarily- seven episodes in the fall then the rest straight through in the winter), I have that same feeling I had after the series finale of Seinfeld. Kind of like, “How will I survive without it???” Honestly, I’d give up every other show if they’d make this two nights a week instead of just one. I’m thrilled they answered some of the major questions (why they crashed, whether entering the numbers is necessary, where Desmond disappeared to, whether the others would learn Michael shot Ana Lucia and Libby and how the map was drawn on the blast door). And of course, I’m stoked they opened up a whole bunch more: Where’s Michael headed and why wouldn’t he be able to return to the island? What’s the deal with Desmond’s girlfriend tracking magnetic activity? As Widmore’s daughter, does she know he’s there? Did Desmond, Locke and Mr. Ecko survive? What’s going to happen to Jack, Kate and Sawyer? Who exactly are the Others? How much weight will Hurley gain on that long walk back? As for the “Lost Experience,” turns out it’s not as easy as following a few clues on television. It takes a team of about 100 scientists to interpret binary codes and crack websites. People are spending a serious amount of time on this. Even though they should probably be working on more important issues like cures for Cancer and global warming, hallelujah to them for devoting their energies to this! (BTW- a great resource for all the clues is http://thelostexperienceclues.blogspot.com)
24- What a closer that was! After three seasons, we finally saw Chloe smile (albeit in a picture) then Jack outright murdered a guy, surely to the cheers of all viewers. He didn’t even do that to Nina when he had the chance and she killed his wife! But Nina’s crimes didn’t compare to Henderson’s; Anybody who kills a guy as gorgeous as Tony Almeida deserves to die a gruesome death…. Did I miss something or did they totally forget about the president’s accomplice with the Bluetooth earpiece? That guy was awesome as Dr. Romano on ER. I was disappointed we didn’t get a little more from him but perhaps he’ll be back… but how? With Jack enjoying a lovely Carnival cruise to China where he’ll be tortured with knives, electric shock waves and the singing and dancing of Kathie Lee Gifford, things aren’t looking good for our favorite saver-of-the-universe. I suspect when we see him next he’ll have been brainwashed by the Chinese government and be working for them. But since he managed to kick his heroin addiction in about two hours, the brainwashing should be a piece of cake to overcome. I just hope Chloe’s transferred to CTU Hong Kong so he can get a little help.
Desperate Housewives- Half the amusement of the episode was picturing Nicollette Sheridan’s face when she received the script for the two hour finale and discovered she wasn’t in it for a second. It’s too bad, actually, as I would have liked to have seen her arrival on Wisteria Lane…. I’d particularly like to thank the writers for the flashback sequences so we could enjoy one more tryst between Gabrielle and young Jesse. He can mow my… hey now… Does a guy who didn’t know he had a kid for 12 years really have to pay back child support? If so, that’s fucked up. If not, Lynette and her hubby are fools. They shouldn’t have given that crack whore a dime.
Grey’s Anatomy- Is Meredith really all that? I mean, she’s got a hot surgeon, a hot vet and an insecure-but-means-well intern all in love with her. I don’t get it. She’s a homely Renee Zellweger ripoff with a Cindy Brady lisp. Ok, that’s catty and I’m sure a lot of people think she’s very pretty. But she’s neurotic and weird too. I know she’s just a character but the writer’s must think she’s something special. I just don’t buy that McDreamy is so enraptured with Meredith over his own stunning wife. Granted, Mrs. McDreamy did cheat on him, but did you see the guy she cheated with? Even Mother Theresa would have tapped that if she had a chance… Where’s the lovin’ for Christina? (Besides what she gets from her incredibly sexy Cardiothorasic surgeon boyfriend). But that’s only one guy. Her character is hilarious and she has the best hair on television. I guess the writers don’t think a smart, funny, independent Asian chick with a bunch of suitors is believable. But they do think having her cry in front of the chief is. Big misstep there. She would never, ever, ever cry in a situation like that… Poor Izzy lost her man but she’s a doctor who’s a former model. She won’t be lonely for long. In fact, she’ll probably be helped out of that prom dress by the second coming of JFK Jr.
Survivor- I thought Cirie was hilarious and once I saw she was really playing the social game, I was rooting for her but I knew she wouldn’t make it to the end. I really liked the hidden immunity idol concept and I’m glad they’re bringing it back next year. Hopefully it will actually be used. Best line of the finale: Right after Aras won the million when Jeff said to him, “Don’t forget to pay your taxes.”
American Idol- I like both Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee but I still think Chris Daughtry was robbed! He’s the only contestant who’s ever been on the show who made me feel like I wasn’t a ‘tard for watching it. I think the lack of a catch phrase like “Soul Patrol” and “McPheever” did him in. If he’d only come up with “The Bald Bunch” he might have had a chance. Oh, and my guess for Paula’s blood-alcohold content for the finale: .12%- probably as sober as we’ll ever see her.
The Amazing Race- I think this was the first season when there weren’t any teams in the final three to root against so it was a no-lose situation. I was happy the hippies won though I certainly wouldn’t have minded the frat boys. They cracked me up quite a bit and I loved it when they cancelled the other teams’ taxis (even though it backfired). What can I say? I love funny dirty players.
The Sopranos- I don’t know how many episodes are left until the season’s finale, but they might as well end the show now if this is the best they can do. They had 16 months between seasons and something went terribly wrong in that time. It’s turned into a bunch of 10 second scenes that don’t connect and don’t go anywhere. I know, I know, I should just stop watching it but I’m very loyal. And hopeful. Maybe a bit stupid.
How does Lost do it each week? Every time the show answers a few questions, it opens up even more. I love it. I’m very intrigued by Miss Klugh (Clue?)’s question whether or not Walt has appeared in unexpected places. And Sawyer’s really taken over Hurley’s role as comic relief. Between his neverending nicknames (this week I only caught “Captain Arab” for Sayid) and his referring to sex with Ana Lucia as being “caught in a net” (does he think Jack and Kate had sex too?), he’s just as easy on the ears as on the eyes.
Well this week’s “Lost Experience” clue was letyourcompassguideyou.com/. I went to the site, which features a compass you can move with your mouse. After spinning it like a jackass for 10 minutes, I discovered a link in the lower right corner and, when I clicked it, an image flashed on the screen quickly. I clicked on it, which opened another screen. That screen contains some text then asks, “Are you one of the good ones [Y/N]?” I inserted “Y” and the screen swirled and closed. I have no idea what it means but I did get screen caps, which are linked below. I also returned to thehansofoundation.org and saw there’s a new press release regarding “Bad Twin” and there’s a link on Alvar Hanso’s page with some more info. from Persephone, commenting that Alvar Hanso hasn’t been seen in public since 2002.
I haven’t pieced it all together and could probably just go to one of the thousands of sites where people already have, but it’s kind of fun finding this stuff on my own (and then ruining it for any visitors who also want to do it on their own). I think what we’ll learn from the “Lost Experience” at the end of the summer is that we’re all guinea pigs, clicking websites (all of which seem to contain some actual product promotions, like Sprite’s connection to the subLYMONal.com ad- lymon= limon) and watching commercials we’d normally skip to find more clues. And I’m as big a sucker as anybody.
For those playing along with the “Lost Experience,” tonight’s clue said to go to sublymonal.com. I clicked on each of the glowing boxes until I received the code, “Heir Apparent.” I went back to thehansofoundation.org and entered the code into a space on Thomas Mittlewerk’s page. The following image appeared:
I still don’t know what it all means. I like this scavenger hunt they’ve set up but they’re going to have to make it a little more exciting to tide me over in the summer months without Lost.
Global Welfare Consortium
Rue Grande 1623
1221 Geneva 27
19 September 2005
To: Dr. Roderick Johnson, M.D., Ph.D, Clinical Director Centers for Disease Control
From: GWC Executive Committee
RE: Violation of Ethical Guidelines / The Hanso Life Extension Project
CC: Mr. Peter Thompson, Vice President, General Counsel, The Hanso Foundation; Hugh McIntyre, Vice President and Communications Director, The Hanso Foundation.
We have received word of an unfortunate and most alarming issue in the past days concerning research operations by the Hanso Foundation in the sub-Saharan region of Africa. Sadly we have exhausted our mandate as a watchdog organization and must petition you for a formal investigation.
It has come to our attention that a new strain of meningococcal disease has been reported in the villages of the United Republic of Tanzania. This strain is particularly alarming in that it has successfully breached the simian/homo sapiens barrier.
As the enclosed documentation and correspondence demonstrate, we have repeatedly asked the executive board of the Hanso Foundation for assistance in determining the possible correlation between the outbreak of this transgenic disease and the research being conducted on primates in their Experimental Station in Zanzibar. As our requests have been met with utter and complete disregard, we feel we have no other choice than to demand your immediate intervention.
As the Hanso Foundation is using primates to research gene therapies intended for human use, the correlation should be obvious.
Considering the alarming nature of this outbreak and the mounting death toll, it is imperative that The Hanso Foundation immediately open the doors of their Experimental Station for inspection and, should a link be found between their work and this disease, cease and desist their activities immediately.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
Lives are at stake.
(Signed) James Maillot
(Click for next letter)
Global Welfare Consortium
Rue Grande 1623
1221 Geneva 27
25 September 2005
To: Dr. Roderick Johnson, M.D., Ph.D, Clinical Director Centers for Disease Control
From: GWC Executive Committee
RE: The Hanso Life Extension Project
Please consider this a formal apology for the heated and alarmist tone of our previous correspondence, as well as a formal request for the withdrawal of former Director General Jacquest MaillotÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s request for an intervention into the affairs of The Hanso Foundation.
In the time since Monsieur MaillotÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s letter, GWCÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s inspection team has been welcomed with open arms into The Hanso FoundationÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Experimental Station in Zanzibar. Our thorough examination of the Station has made it clear that the benign, non-invasive research being conducted there could not possibly have resulted in the outbreak of a transgenic virus.
Because we appreciate the CDCÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s willingness to intervene when lives are at stake, the last thing we want is to abuse our close relationship with your organization Ã¢â‚¬â€œ or sound alarms before the need is absolutely clear. Once again, please accept our apologies, and our appreciation or your diligent response to our correspondence.
(Signed) Peter Thompson
Mr. Peter Thompson, Acting Director General Global Health Consortium
(NOTE: ThompsonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s signature is circled in red. Click on it and youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll see a note in red ink said aloud by a woman: “The Hanso Foundation setting world speed records for subverting authority”).