Now The TV Finales
I spent so much time finishing my travelogue that I haven’t talked tv in awhile so here’s the season wrap up:
Lost- Four seasons and it’s as strong as ever. I made nine predictions about the finale and I was thrilled to get eight of them correct. Ok, they weren’t exactly tough (Sawyer calls somebody by a nickname, Jack barks orders at someone, Kate gets rescued by either Sawyer or Jack, Hurley drips sweat, Sayid repairs something, Desmond says “brother,” Aaron cries, Michael dies and the one I missed, Locke rubs his head) but it always fun to guess anything correctly with this show. Actually, some earlier predictions of mine also came to fruition, namely that Locke was in the casket and that Penny would rescue the O6 (though, I thought Desmond would die minutes before that happened), so it wasn’t the sort of shocking season finale I’ve become accustomed to with Lost. But I’m glad to see the future of the show will apparently include Ben because he seriously rocks.
The Bachelor- I thought this guy was the best bachelor ever. He was a real-life Mr. Big- a tall, gorgeous, international financier. Seriously dreamy. But, not surprisingly, he chose the blonde sex kitten (who happens to be Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter) over the funny chick. I thought blondie was all right but I would have thought their hometown date with her mother would have scared him. It was a frightening glimpse into what she was going to look like in 25 years, that is, unless the surgeon who mutilated her mother’s face is put behind bars as he should be. Even though I don’t think he made the right choice, I do think these two will get married. But I also think they’ll get divorced soon after popping out a couple of freakishly beautiful children.
Survivor- I love it when a show can bring one of its best seasons ever in its 16th season. And Survivor succeeded in doing this, at least for the second half of the game. Watching all these boys stumble over their erect penises was awesome. And Erik… OH. MY. GOD. Earlier in the season I thought he was destined to be one of those quickly forgotten players, remembered only as “the dude with the awful Leif Garrett hairdo.” Little did I know. As much as I love a good blindside, I have to admit that watching the ladies devour him the way they did was actually painful for me. I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I would have with a guy who wasn’t so damn nice. But it frightens me that people as dumb as Erik are allowed to move freely about this country and even worse, vote. I thought Cirie played a great game her first time around and an even better one this time so she was my favorite to win but I think Parvati played the second-best game so I was happy to see her rewarded over Amanda “The Doe-Eyed Choker.”
American Idol- The finale answered the burning question: who is the worst dancer in the world, David Archuleta or Brooke White (answer: Brooke White by a mile-long moonwalk).The fact that David Cook won over the heavy favorite David Archuleta has restored a little bit of my faith in America’s taste (or maybe it just confirmed America’s sheep-like mentality when it comes to Simon Cowell, who made no secret about his desire for Cook to win). Don’t get me wrong, little David is a great singer and he’s unbelievably adorable. In fact, I want two David Archuleta dolls, one at his current size, the one where I pull the string when I’m feeling down and he says, “Aw, shucks. Life is just so wonderful,” which is the one I would have been all googly over at age 12. I’d also like the full size David A. doll, aged by about 20 years because I know it would look seriously hot on my bed. But I’m pleased with David Cook’s win because he’s only the second contestant (after Chris Daughtry) and the first winner ever whose music I would actually seek out. And first on the list will be his covers of “Hello” and “Billie Jean” which I thought were incredible.
The Hills- A few months ago I joked that a guy was too young for me if he’d ever watched The Hills. I honestly didn’t even know what The Hills was, just that it was on MTV. Then while I was traveling I read a bunch of magazines and every other page seemed to mention somebody from the show. Even John McCain said he never missed an episode and that Heidi was a great “actress.” It got to the point that I had to know if I was on Team Lauren or Team Speidi. Thanks to the raping this tv season took due to the writers’ strike, I had some room in my viewing schedule to check it out. Holy shit it’s addicting, mostly because it’s supposed to be a reality show but every scene is so obviously staged that it’s a complete train wreck. Basically, it’s a female version of Entourage except the stories primarily focus on a group of girls who repeatedly return to some pathetic excuses for men. It’s worth tuning in just to find out what a Justin Bobby is. But there’s also Spencer Pratt. What a piece of work this one is. He is the epitome of lameness and the saddest part is that because he’s good looking and on television, he’ll always be able to get laid despite his lameness. So whose team am I on? I’d probably be on Team Heidi if she showed enough sense to drop that fool Spencer. Lauren’s all right but she needs to learn how to let go of a grudge, particularly over something as insignificant as a little rumor. Whitney seems like a nice girl, though someone needs to teach her that words that end with a “g” END with a “g” and not with a “guh” (like “bringuh” or “thinguh”). Yeah, it’s nitpicky but it kinda bugs me. Audrina is just plain vapid so that leaves me on Team Lo, the girl who shoots her mouth off without really thinking. She sort of reminds me of somebody…
(Oh, and if you’re planning on voting for McCain, watch The Hills and tell me if a guy who claims to never miss an episode is someone you want to have access to the red button).
The Plane Truth
I think I’ve mentioned this here before that whenever I’ve flown over the last couple of years I’ve glanced around at the other passengers and compared them with the hotties on Lost‘s flight 815. And every time it’s been quite clear that if we were all stranded together, island pregnancies would not be an issue. This time I got a little proof of the kind of stud I’d be running from Smokey with:
Come to think of it, he kind of looks like he’s preparing for some island inseminations- assembly line style.
The Fall Of Lost
The “fall season” of Lost has come to an end. Sniff. While the six episodes we’ve seen so far have been a bit up and down, Lost at its worst is still better than anything else on the tube these days (Faith and Kanye aside). My thoughts/questions on this episode:
- It was great seeing Kate and Sawyer doing what could only be called in their current cleanliness states “the nasty.” That’s two women in two months for Sawyer. For being stranded on an island, he’s not doing too bad in that department. These people should consider themselves lucky that they have plenty of hotties to choose from. The last time I flew, I compared the people on my flight to the people on Flight 815 and all my options looked a lot more like Hurley, Ben and Bernard than Jack, Sawyer and Sayid.
- What was the deal with Alex using a slingshot against guys with guns? I guess she missed the news reports on how well that method worked for the Palestinians. And what’s her relationship with Ben? Adopted daughter? Teen bride?
- I think to be on Lost‘s usual par, the last two episodes should have been combined. They should have done Eko’s backstory (Kate’s seemed pointless) and death, the discovery of Patch, Jack and the videotape, Sawyer and Kate getting it on, Jack watching their nookie action and then Jack operating on Ben. But if would have been a better cliffhanger if they’d closed the episode either with the observation of Patch or with the gun to Sawyer’s head: “This is for Colleen…see ya in three months.”
- Jack, gun, what happened?
- Some Lost fans are complaining that so many regular characters are MIA and that we never witnessed Sayid report back to the other Losties about what happened with the boat. This omitted scene could shed some light as to why some characters have been relegated to mere guest appearances:
Sayid: We have no idea what happened to Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Michael and Hurley.
Locke: Hurley’s back and already filled us in.
Sayid: Oh, well, you know more than we do I guess. One more thing, I had a really bad plan to trap the Others and they ended up stealing the boat.
Hurley: Bummer dude.
Paolo: Should we send out another search party?
Sayid: Who the hell are you?
Paolo: I’m the lame-but-hot new guy who will probably be killed off before the season’s over and go back to a soap opera where I belong.
Claire: Aaron’s crying. I better feed him.
Charlie: I better help Claire.
Jin: 나ìÂËœ ë°â€Ã¬Â§â‚¬Ã¬â€¢Ë†Ã¬â€”Âê³ 물.
Sun: Yes, what my husband said.
Desmond: I see dead people.[Cut to "poof" with Lost logo]
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Lost Is Back!
I am a happy, happy woman today now that Lost is back, albeit temporarily. Some comments on last night’s episode that nobody else will care about:
– First and foremost, could there have been any more commercials??? At first I thought, “Wow- this show is so great the time is just flying by.” Then I realized, no, there were actually commercials every 6-7 minutes. I think this was the first time I ever watched the show live and it will most likely be the last time.
– LOVED the opening. I tried hard to figure out who’s backstory that woman was from and never saw it coming that she was an Other. Seeing the plane break up from their perspective was awesome. Juliet’s facial expressions/tears in response to the lyrics in “Downtown” and her comment that “I thought free will still existed on this…” just before the earthquake were both very interesting. Does she really want to be there and does she even have a choice?
– The Hydra’s an underwater hatch. I wonder just how big it is…?
– Zeke commented to Kate, “You’re not my type.” I’m guessing he’s gay. Any importance?
– Are the Others playing with their minds or what? Their respective “prisons” were tailor made for them. Kate was given what every woman would want after a couple months on an island: to feel pretty. Then they plopped her in her lovely dress across from Sawyer to see what happens (I’m curious what could have caused the injuries on her wrists and what an “unpleasant next two weeks” means). Sawyer’s Pavlovian experiment tested his need (and possibly aptitude) for getting around the system. I wonder if “Chachie” (I love Sawyer’s nicknames- I melted once again from his sweet “Freckles” when he gave Kate the biscuit) is one of the Tailies who was captured early or if he’s an Other and the escape was all a setup? The look on Sawyer’s face when Zeke told him the (polar?) bears figured out the feeding contraption in only two hours was priceless. Jack was tested to see if he could abandon his trust and control issues. I don’t think they were ever in danger for their lives in that tank. I believe the flood was totally planned and was an attempt to make him trust Juliet when she helped him and to teach him that when they say not to do something, don’t do it. I wonder if the strong resemblance Juliet bears to his ex-wife is the reason why she’s the one dealing with Jack?
– Does Juliet actually know there’s a strong resemblance to Jack’s ex-wife? At first I thought the Others must have access to the outside world but then it occurred to me that all that information she provided could have been gleened while Henry/Ben was in custody or while Jack was under sedation.
– Anybody else think the way Jack slammed Juliet against the table and then held the taser to her throat was kinda hot? I’m not some kind of freak; If Hurley had done it, not hot. But from the good doctor, kinda hot.
– Speaking of Hurley, I did miss him, Locke and Sayid (not so much anybody else). I’m looking forward to next week’s episode to find out what happened with Locke, Eko and Desmond in the hatch and to find out what sort of plans the rest of the Losties have for rescuing their friends. I wonder how long we’ll have to wait to learn the fate of Michael and Walt and to find out what exactly those two guys on the Arctic boat discovered…?
Season Finales
I have been the major slacker blogger lately but with sweeps month ending, I should be a lot better (or not). Before I get to my recaps, I’ll mention that I’ve noticed I seem to have the same reactions each week at the end of most of the shows I watch. They are:
24- “Oh my God!” (often it’s also followed by “I can’t believe they killed…”)
American Idol- “Why do I watch this show?”
The Apprentice- “Moron.”
Lost- “What the hell was that???!!”
CSI- “I gotta stop watching this when I’m eating.”
Survivor- “Morons.”
The Sopranos- (this season) “That sucked.”
Desperate Housewives- “I need to work out.”
Now for the finale recaps:
Lost- I’ll start with the best show on television, Lost. Even though it’s coming back next season (temporarily- seven episodes in the fall then the rest straight through in the winter), I have that same feeling I had after the series finale of Seinfeld. Kind of like, “How will I survive without it???” Honestly, I’d give up every other show if they’d make this two nights a week instead of just one. I’m thrilled they answered some of the major questions (why they crashed, whether entering the numbers is necessary, where Desmond disappeared to, whether the others would learn Michael shot Ana Lucia and Libby and how the map was drawn on the blast door). And of course, I’m stoked they opened up a whole bunch more: Where’s Michael headed and why wouldn’t he be able to return to the island? What’s the deal with Desmond’s girlfriend tracking magnetic activity? As Widmore’s daughter, does she know he’s there? Did Desmond, Locke and Mr. Ecko survive? What’s going to happen to Jack, Kate and Sawyer? Who exactly are the Others? How much weight will Hurley gain on that long walk back? As for the “Lost Experience,” turns out it’s not as easy as following a few clues on television. It takes a team of about 100 scientists to interpret binary codes and crack websites. People are spending a serious amount of time on this. Even though they should probably be working on more important issues like cures for Cancer and global warming, hallelujah to them for devoting their energies to this! (BTW- a great resource for all the clues is http://thelostexperienceclues.blogspot.com)
24- What a closer that was! After three seasons, we finally saw Chloe smile (albeit in a picture) then Jack outright murdered a guy, surely to the cheers of all viewers. He didn’t even do that to Nina when he had the chance and she killed his wife! But Nina’s crimes didn’t compare to Henderson’s; Anybody who kills a guy as gorgeous as Tony Almeida deserves to die a gruesome death…. Did I miss something or did they totally forget about the president’s accomplice with the Bluetooth earpiece? That guy was awesome as Dr. Romano on ER. I was disappointed we didn’t get a little more from him but perhaps he’ll be back… but how? With Jack enjoying a lovely Carnival cruise to China where he’ll be tortured with knives, electric shock waves and the singing and dancing of Kathie Lee Gifford, things aren’t looking good for our favorite saver-of-the-universe. I suspect when we see him next he’ll have been brainwashed by the Chinese government and be working for them. But since he managed to kick his heroin addiction in about two hours, the brainwashing should be a piece of cake to overcome. I just hope Chloe’s transferred to CTU Hong Kong so he can get a little help.
Desperate Housewives- Half the amusement of the episode was picturing Nicollette Sheridan’s face when she received the script for the two hour finale and discovered she wasn’t in it for a second. It’s too bad, actually, as I would have liked to have seen her arrival on Wisteria Lane…. I’d particularly like to thank the writers for the flashback sequences so we could enjoy one more tryst between Gabrielle and young Jesse. He can mow my… hey now… Does a guy who didn’t know he had a kid for 12 years really have to pay back child support? If so, that’s fucked up. If not, Lynette and her hubby are fools. They shouldn’t have given that crack whore a dime.
Grey’s Anatomy- Is Meredith really all that? I mean, she’s got a hot surgeon, a hot vet and an insecure-but-means-well intern all in love with her. I don’t get it. She’s a homely Renee Zellweger ripoff with a Cindy Brady lisp. Ok, that’s catty and I’m sure a lot of people think she’s very pretty. But she’s neurotic and weird too. I know she’s just a character but the writer’s must think she’s something special. I just don’t buy that McDreamy is so enraptured with Meredith over his own stunning wife. Granted, Mrs. McDreamy did cheat on him, but did you see the guy she cheated with? Even Mother Theresa would have tapped that if she had a chance… Where’s the lovin’ for Christina? (Besides what she gets from her incredibly sexy Cardiothorasic surgeon boyfriend). But that’s only one guy. Her character is hilarious and she has the best hair on television. I guess the writers don’t think a smart, funny, independent Asian chick with a bunch of suitors is believable. But they do think having her cry in front of the chief is. Big misstep there. She would never, ever, ever cry in a situation like that… Poor Izzy lost her man but she’s a doctor who’s a former model. She won’t be lonely for long. In fact, she’ll probably be helped out of that prom dress by the second coming of JFK Jr.
Survivor- I thought Cirie was hilarious and once I saw she was really playing the social game, I was rooting for her but I knew she wouldn’t make it to the end. I really liked the hidden immunity idol concept and I’m glad they’re bringing it back next year. Hopefully it will actually be used. Best line of the finale: Right after Aras won the million when Jeff said to him, “Don’t forget to pay your taxes.”
American Idol- I like both Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee but I still think Chris Daughtry was robbed! He’s the only contestant who’s ever been on the show who made me feel like I wasn’t a ‘tard for watching it. I think the lack of a catch phrase like “Soul Patrol” and “McPheever” did him in. If he’d only come up with “The Bald Bunch” he might have had a chance. Oh, and my guess for Paula’s blood-alcohold content for the finale: .12%- probably as sober as we’ll ever see her.
The Amazing Race- I think this was the first season when there weren’t any teams in the final three to root against so it was a no-lose situation. I was happy the hippies won though I certainly wouldn’t have minded the frat boys. They cracked me up quite a bit and I loved it when they cancelled the other teams’ taxis (even though it backfired). What can I say? I love funny dirty players.
The Sopranos- I don’t know how many episodes are left until the season’s finale, but they might as well end the show now if this is the best they can do. They had 16 months between seasons and something went terribly wrong in that time. It’s turned into a bunch of 10 second scenes that don’t connect and don’t go anywhere. I know, I know, I should just stop watching it but I’m very loyal. And hopeful. Maybe a bit stupid.
Lost Experience #3
How does Lost do it each week? Every time the show answers a few questions, it opens up even more. I love it. I’m very intrigued by Miss Klugh (Clue?)’s question whether or not Walt has appeared in unexpected places. And Sawyer’s really taken over Hurley’s role as comic relief. Between his neverending nicknames (this week I only caught “Captain Arab” for Sayid) and his referring to sex with Ana Lucia as being “caught in a net” (does he think Jack and Kate had sex too?), he’s just as easy on the ears as on the eyes.
Well this week’s “Lost Experience” clue was letyourcompassguideyou.com/. I went to the site, which features a compass you can move with your mouse. After spinning it like a jackass for 10 minutes, I discovered a link in the lower right corner and, when I clicked it, an image flashed on the screen quickly. I clicked on it, which opened another screen. That screen contains some text then asks, “Are you one of the good ones [Y/N]?” I inserted “Y” and the screen swirled and closed. I have no idea what it means but I did get screen caps, which are linked below. I also returned to thehansofoundation.org and saw there’s a new press release regarding “Bad Twin” and there’s a link on Alvar Hanso’s page with some more info. from Persephone, commenting that Alvar Hanso hasn’t been seen in public since 2002.
I haven’t pieced it all together and could probably just go to one of the thousands of sites where people already have, but it’s kind of fun finding this stuff on my own (and then ruining it for any visitors who also want to do it on their own). I think what we’ll learn from the “Lost Experience” at the end of the summer is that we’re all guinea pigs, clicking websites (all of which seem to contain some actual product promotions, like Sprite’s connection to the subLYMONal.com ad- lymon= limon) and watching commercials we’d normally skip to find more clues. And I’m as big a sucker as anybody.
See also:
Transcript of first week’s hidden letter
Image/info from second week’s clue
Lost Experience #2
For those playing along with the “Lost Experience,” tonight’s clue said to go to sublymonal.com. I clicked on each of the glowing boxes until I received the code, “Heir Apparent.” I went back to thehansofoundation.org and entered the code into a space on Thomas Mittlewerk’s page. The following image appeared:
(Click for larger image)
I still don’t know what it all means. I like this scavenger hunt they’ve set up but they’re going to have to make it a little more exciting to tide me over in the summer months without Lost.
See also:
Transcript of first week’s hidden letter
Lost Experience Letter #1
GWC
Global Welfare Consortium
Rue Grande 1623
1221 Geneva 27
Switzerland
19 September 2005
To: Dr. Roderick Johnson, M.D., Ph.D, Clinical Director Centers for Disease Control
From: GWC Executive Committee
RE: Violation of Ethical Guidelines / The Hanso Life Extension Project
CC: Mr. Peter Thompson, Vice President, General Counsel, The Hanso Foundation; Hugh McIntyre, Vice President and Communications Director, The Hanso Foundation.
Dr. Johnson:
We have received word of an unfortunate and most alarming issue in the past days concerning research operations by the Hanso Foundation in the sub-Saharan region of Africa. Sadly we have exhausted our mandate as a watchdog organization and must petition you for a formal investigation.
It has come to our attention that a new strain of meningococcal disease has been reported in the villages of the United Republic of Tanzania. This strain is particularly alarming in that it has successfully breached the simian/homo sapiens barrier.
As the enclosed documentation and correspondence demonstrate, we have repeatedly asked the executive board of the Hanso Foundation for assistance in determining the possible correlation between the outbreak of this transgenic disease and the research being conducted on primates in their Experimental Station in Zanzibar. As our requests have been met with utter and complete disregard, we feel we have no other choice than to demand your immediate intervention.
As the Hanso Foundation is using primates to research gene therapies intended for human use, the correlation should be obvious.
Considering the alarming nature of this outbreak and the mounting death toll, it is imperative that The Hanso Foundation immediately open the doors of their Experimental Station for inspection and, should a link be found between their work and this disease, cease and desist their activities immediately.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
Lives are at stake.
(Signed) James Maillot
(Click for next letter)
***************
GWC
Global Welfare Consortium
Rue Grande 1623
1221 Geneva 27
Switzerland
25 September 2005
To: Dr. Roderick Johnson, M.D., Ph.D, Clinical Director Centers for Disease Control
From: GWC Executive Committee
RE: The Hanso Life Extension Project
Dr. Johnson:
Please consider this a formal apology for the heated and alarmist tone of our previous correspondence, as well as a formal request for the withdrawal of former Director General Jacquest Maillot’s request for an intervention into the affairs of The Hanso Foundation.
In the time since Monsieur Maillot’s letter, GWC’s inspection team has been welcomed with open arms into The Hanso Foundation’s Experimental Station in Zanzibar. Our thorough examination of the Station has made it clear that the benign, non-invasive research being conducted there could not possibly have resulted in the outbreak of a transgenic virus.
Because we appreciate the CDC’s willingness to intervene when lives are at stake, the last thing we want is to abuse our close relationship with your organization – or sound alarms before the need is absolutely clear. Once again, please accept our apologies, and our appreciation or your diligent response to our correspondence.
(Signed) Peter Thompson
Mr. Peter Thompson, Acting Director General Global Health Consortium
(NOTE: Thompson’s signature is circled in red. Click on it and you’ll see a note in red ink said aloud by a woman: “The Hanso Foundation setting world speed records for subverting authority”).
Hopelessly Lost
I’ve officially joined the ranks of major Lost geeks. I’d heard that the producers were going to reveal insights to the island’s mysteries over the summer in something called “The Lost Experience,” and they began with a commercial during last night’s episode. I called the number from the commercial and transcribed the whole phone tree (which I pasted below). Yes, I’m a dork.
But first, some comments/questions on last night’s episode:
Ok. I know I’m just talking to myself here. But damn I love this show.
Transcription of messages at 1-877-hansoorg:
(Woman’s Voice): “The Hanso Foundations, reaching out to a better tomorrow. If you know your party’s extension you may enter it now.”
(Music in another language plays while the calls are transferred. There’s an English ad that says, “Post your resume on Monster.com you’re twice as likely to…” and the messages are prefaced with, “Welcome to Verizon’s voice messaging service.” I guess ABC realized they could make more money advertising real companies).
EXT 1- General Information-
(Woman’s voice): “The Hanso Foundation is located at 544 ??? BK 1604 Cophenhagen V and on the world wide web at thehansofoundation.org. Here you can read about our diverse programs, view our television advertisement, get to know our executives and catch up on recent company news. Thank you for your interest in the Hanso Foundation. Namaste.â€Â
EXT 2- Alvar Hanso-
(Woman’s voice): “You’ve reached the office of Alvar Hanso, President and CEO of the Hanso Foundation.”
(Different woman’s voice with a bit of an echo, like she’s on speaker phone across the room): “Where is Alvar Hanso? What have they done with him? Who is in charge here?â€Â
Disconnects
EXT 3- Thomas Mittelwerk-
(Man’s voice): “You’ve reached the office of Dr. Thomas Mittelwerk, Senior Vice President, COO and Chief Technologist of the Hanso Foundation. I will be unreachable for the next three weeks however for those employees of Paik Heavy Industry and Widmore Corporation engaged in active projects I will be continuously updating the confidential information line. Please refer to your project manual for hotline access instructions. Thank you and namaste.”
EXT 4- Hugh Mcintyre-
(Man’s Voice): “Hi, this is Hugh McIntyre, VP and Communications Director of the Hanso Foundation. I’ll return to the office in two weeks. If you’re calling about the inquiry into our Korean offshore project, please hang up and contact our legal department. To hear more information about Joop, the world’s oldest orangutan, please refer to our website, thehansofoundation.org. Thank you and namaste.â€Â
(Automated female voice): “Message one:†(Mail voice): “Hugh, Thomas. Just got the changes. Good work. We should go ahead and rename the accelerated remote training facility as well. We’ve got to try and put a public face on all this. Call me.â€Â
(Automated female voice): “Message two:†(Female voice): “Hugh, it’s Starla- I need to talk to you about Sri Lanka. This just isn’t right.â€Â
(Automated female voice): “End messages. Good bye.â€Â
EXT 5- Peter Thompson -
(Woman’s voice) “Hello, you’ve reached the office of Peter Thompson, Vice President, General Council and Secretary of the Hanso Foundation. Mr. Thompson is not available to take your call. If this is regarding an inquiry into the Korean offshore project, we must regretfully decline to comment… (choking sound)â€Â
(Man’s voice): Give me the phone, Irene. Give me the…Give me it! This is Peter Thompson, as chief legal officer I wish to remind those who wish to make threats against me and my colleagues or any representatives of Widmore Corporation or Paik Heavy Industry, that these acts are criminal. Make no mistake we will locate and prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. That’s a promise. Namaste.”
ADDITION #1: There’s an interruption in the recording that doesn’t occur with every phone call (apparently the people at Verizon and Monster.com want you to keep calling). It took several attempts before I heard it and recorded it. There’s suddenly static on the line and a woman breaks in saying, “Don’t listen to their lies. This is Persephone. I don’t have much time. None of us do. If you want to know the truth about the Hanso Foundation, the real story, then remember, a (about four words- something something tightened up?) will always snap under the breaking strain. Use this password on the website- breaking strain. They’re coming!”
ADDITION #2: I went to the website and, where you can send a message to Joop, the orangutan, I wrote the password “breaking strain” and was taken to a diagram that featured several circles. I clicked on each circle as it popped up and was taken to a page with a letter. After that I found another letter. The transcription of the letters can be found at http://jenee.net/lost-experience-letters.
Other Lost and “Lost Experience” posts
Looking For “Lost”
All Lost junkies had to be blown away by the last episode (and if you don’t watch Lost, you’re depriving yourself of some quality entertainment).
I learned a while back that if you only watch the show, you’re probably missing out on half the action. The creators do an amazing job each week of tucking details in the background and intertwining the characters’ backstories. It’s too much for the average viewer to catch so you have to enlist the aid of the uber-fans in the newsgroups/discussion boards. I swear, some of these people are nuclear physicists analyzing the show frame-by-frame and presenting complex mathematical algorithms explaining everything that happens. Meanwhile, all I have to offer is, “That bar in the flashback is Murphy’s in downtown Honolulu. I used to get shitfaced there in college.”
I love all the extra tidbits I pick up on the boards. For instance, I didn’t realize that the woman whose house Locke inspected last week was Nadia, Sayid’s ex-lover. And I don’t pay attention to the appearances of the numbers in every episode. Luckily, these obssessed freaks, I mean helpful contributors, do catch all that. The only problem is, all of the discussion boards I’ve found get about a thousand posts a day making it impossible to really follow any discussions. So I’m asking for help in finding a good board that only gets about 100 posts a day but still has a healthy share of Lost geeks who know all the miniscule details. Can anybody recommend one? Or maybe a site with a nice compilation of all the “extras”? I’d settle for any suggestions on how I can inject this show directly into my bloodstream. It’s that damn good.
Here I’ve published the photo of the map for anybody who’s interested (click to enlarge). This particular version has all the comments typed out so it’s easy to read (I believe the original came from EW while the comments were added by Stylez. I should say, it’s easy to read if you have the Image Zoom extension in Firefox). You can also find an excellent copy of the map with the original writing here. Finally, I added a few Lost links to my blogroll. I highly recommend checking out The Lost Notebook- it’s a cool looking site that has all the basic information about the show and the characters neatly organized. It’s a great resource for regular viewers and essential for new viewers.
So fess up- how many Lost fans here? And can you hook a junkie sistah up?
From Film To Television
With Oscar madness over, my site not functioning and winter finally making an appearance in So Cal, I spent the last few days catching up on a couple weeks’ worth of tv. Yes, I watch some bad reality shows but I’ve got my remote skills honed to the point I can plow through most of them without ever having to hear the host’s voice. Some thoughts and questions about what’s happening on the small screen:
American Idol- Is Kelamari Pickler for real?? Seriously. I strongly suspect she’s a character from a new FOX sitcom and American Idol is merely a platform to promote it. Nobody is that much of a caricature of the stereotypical backwards hick. The only detail they skipped is the missing teeth. I have to agree with Simon that she is very likeable… in 30 second clips. But if I had to spend any more than a few minutes with her, I’d be shoving scones, falafel and other food items she’s never heard of down her throat just to shut her up. My early predictions: Bucky, Kevin and the scratchy-voiced girl will be the next three to go. The sexy bald guy is my favorite performer but the wife and stepkids will make him seem like too much of an adult to the teenyboppers who actually call and vote so he’ll probably only make it halfway. Ace, Lisa and Kelli will make final four. In the end, I think the fans will pick Kelly Clarkson Version 2: Katharine. But what do I know? And for the love of God, why do I care???
24- I’m still about three hours behind on 24 but if the show is staying true to past years’ form, I’m sure I can guess what’s happening: Tony Almeida has probably already recovered from the morning’s blast and is back at CTU with just a Snoopy bandage as proof of the explosion that killed his wife and nearly killed him. Jack’s daughter Kim has returned only to fall prey to some creepy guy while wearing a tank top with no bra. Jack has uttered the phrase, “I’m the only person who can do this!” for the hundredth time and Chloe has scrunched her face for the millionth time. To celebrate the occasion, all CTU phones rang in unison: dee dee…duh nah. Am I right? Shhh. Don’t tell me. There’s been a burning question in my head for the last five seasons that I must ask: What is “division” and if it’s so important that it has to send people in and handle the big decisions, why doesn’t it run the whole show?
The Bachelor- I’m particularly embarrassed to admit I watch this garbage but what can I say? I’m a sucker for fake romance. Plus it only lasts about 6 episodes so the dirty feeling passes quickly. Naturally the hunky doctor chose the prissy kindergarten teacher. Did he really think he would ever find passion with a woman who pulls out that stupid thumb dance every chance she gets? Then again, his alternative seemed like a cool chick early on but got a little too Fatal Attractionish toward the end. I believe a whole hour passed between the disclosure of the winner and the announcement of the breakup so he’s back on the market. He needs to find a woman like, well, me. If anybody knows him, please send him my way.
CSI- Nick Stokes is having serious hair issues this year. First there was the bushy moustache, now there’s the long feathered combover. I’m beginning to wonder if he supplements his CSI income by acting in retro-style pornos. Perhaps Catherine does too, thus the need for the plumped-up lips. As much as I like her character, nobody whose job involves crawling around gathering minute pieces of evidence wears pants that tight. But I suppose if I looked that good in tight pants at her age (or even my own age, for that matter) I’d forgo comfort as well.
The Apprentice- The team rewards started going downhill last season when one involved spending the day with original Apprentice winner Bill Rancic on one of Trump’s construction sites. I’m sure some of the candidates were wondering if they’d lost the task and if that was a punishment. This season, the first reward was lunch with Trump then last week they won the opportunity to outfit men entering the workplace with suits. Hey, I think it’s great when the reward involves charity work but when introduction of said service includes the phrase, “The Trump signature suit collection,” it loses a bit of the altruistic factor. If philanthropy was really as important to Trump as he professes, perhaps instead of starting the season by pointing to his private jet and saying, “Someday, you could own one of these,” he could point to a free clinic he’s building and say, “Someday, you could give away one of these.”
Lost- Always awesome but where does everybody keep disappearing to? There was the guy in the hatch who said he was getting out of there and took off running- and nobody asked where he was going. The French woman and the Others come and go and Michael hasn’t been heard from in ages. Maybe they’ve all taken refuge on the other side of the island with the crew filming the next Survivor. They can take the boring characters but they better leave my favorites, Locke and Sawyer, alone. If I could have Sawyer call me “freckles” just once in that charming way of his, it would make my tormented, freckle-faced youth all worthwhile.
Survivor- There’s a reason the show’s ratings have dropped drastically this season: awful, awful casting. We’re already five episodes in and I don’t know a single person’s name. And I don’t care. So far I’ve seen nobody to really like and nobody to really hate. Not only do they have bland personalities they seem stupider than usual. First there was the girl who returned from Exile Island and gave everybody the impression she’d found the immunity idol. She was practically begging the others to call her bluff. They did- first chance they got- and she was history. Next there were the two guys who drank the wine the tribe had won. Have they never watched previous Survivor installments? Selfish consumption= immediate boot. And so it was for one of the winos. Now there’s the guy in the majority alliance asking to be set free of his obligation. That strategy is even dumber than being in the minority alliance and actually sticking to his obligation. Where are the liars and sneaks? Those are the one I love to see on Survivor.
The Amazing Race- Where Survivor failed in casting, TAR outdid itself. I usually like TAR as much or more for the locations than the competitors but they brought in some fun personalities this season. My early favorites are the hippies and the nerds but I enjoy almost everybody. I like the guy from team MoJo only because he said to his misty-eyed girlfriend, “You’re not gonna cry are you?” when they missed out on some plane tickets. His comment was totally insensitive but her tears were hypersensitive. Good for him for calling her on it. I even like the dumb jocks because they cop to some of their lame attributes; I appreciate that sort of self-awareness. Plus it’s going to be fun watching their inevitable demise as they trip all over themselves trying to hook up with the pink girls. The pink girls, by the way, are an embarrassment to their Girls Gone Wild sisters everywhere. There’s no reason they shouldn’t have been able to find 20 guys to put their motorcycle together for them on the first episode. Every season needs a villain and the obvious early contender for that role is the overaggressive doctor. When you see guys like him, you kind of understand why some kids shoot their parents. He’s the “I’m right” guy and the “I told you so” guy and the “Blame everybody but myself” guy all rolled into one. He’s going to aggravate the hell out of me but characters like that make reality shows fun so I hope he sticks around awhile.
Mid-Season replacements- I watched the first episodes of the heavily-hyped, Sons and Daughters and Free Ride. Given the poor ratings of Arrested Development, I’m curious why two networks chose to make vastly inferior reproductions. Free Ride showed slight potential but Sons and Daughters was awkward and unfunny. It’s just bad enough to end up as a top 10 hit. Meanwhile, I have yet to watch what could be the last two episodes ever of Arrested Development. The sadomasochist in me is holding off until I hear the show’s fate.
Now that I’ve finally caught up on the crap, I have the long-awaited Sopranos to look forward to, though, it really won’t be the same without Drea de Matteo’s character. Maybe they can play her death off as a bad dream, which is surely how she views her stint on Joey.
