My poor nephew Zach. Last year he stumbled upon a video of Santa being shot on Christmas Eve, and here he is discovering that his gingerbread house has gone into foreclosure. I fear if Santa doesn't get him that Playstation he's dying for, the only bailout he'll need is from jail. Here's wishing everybody a Mele Kalikimaka!

Off the TelePrompTer: "Police are asking for the public's help in finding this man accused of raping three interns here at channel 7 news. He is an African-American male who's approximately 12 inches from the chest up. Witnesses describe him as well-dressed with excellent diction and say he might be wearing some sort of hearing device. Police have absolutely no clue as to his identity or his whereabouts. After all, they're the LAPD." [tags]lapd, channel seven news anchor, rapist, african american, kabc, marc brown[/tags]

My friend sent me this article and said it's from Australia. I don't know if it actually happened, but it would be awesome if it did: Round Like a Shot Going to bed the other night I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but was told no one was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible. I hung up. A minute later I rang again. "Hello," I said. "I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now because I've shot them." Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars ...

Well the first photo from Bessie and Billy Bob's Tennessee wedding night is in and I have to share. Because I'm 12. For immature eyes only!

My sister sent me the following pictures with the caption "Tennessee Wedding." While I don't have definitive proof that the wedding took place in Tennessee, I think the evidence speaks for itself: “Brad and Angelina's kid won't have anything on our offspring." (Including that extra chromosome).

Thanks to bobgirrl's trackback, I found this site: JesusPets. Like her, I originally questioned if it was legit but after reading a few of the posts, I see it's not. And it's hilarious. A little sampler for you: If you're a Christian, you've got a big problem on your hands. After you're swept away to walk the streets of gold with Jesus, red hot lava is going to pour from Mt. St. Helens and right over your dog, leaving his burned body encased for millennia until discovered by godless alien archeologists. And what do you suppose they'll do to his charred yet supple and hermetically sealed haunches? They are godless after all. (What would you do? That long space ...

Bad time to get lonely on a business trip- that hooker has a dick. And a badge. Go directly to jail.

More tv stuff that's too good to not share... In the past I've bragged about my amazing skills with the remote control. Well, little did I know that the Public Service Announcements I breezed through during the last episode of The Office were actually spoofs of NBC's cheesy "The More You Know" PSA's. NBC put 16 of them up on their website and a few had me close to tears they're so funny. My favorite is "Know Your Bears," though all of the ones featuring Rainn Wilson are particularly funny. That guy kills me. You have to check these out. The Office PSA's: Office Relationship “Thumb” common misperceptions....

Even if Seacrest had the talent to justify that many shows, no mortal being could maintain that kind of pace and keep up with the needs of a 40-year-old woman. Although, judging by the tight-lipped kiss with Hatcher, it doesn't appear he's fulfilling anyone's needs other than his publicist's.

If I didn't already have 10,000 t-shirts I never wear, I'd get this one because this is hysterical. (Photos from: Samizdata.net) Available from T-Shirt Hell for $18. Actually, they have a bunch of great shirts. Some of the funnier ones (at least, the ones I'll admit to thinking are especially funny): I THINK I MAY HAVE THE ASIAN BIRD FRU- I MEAN FLU (DAMN IT'S STARTING ALREADY) YOU'LL REGRET READING THIS SHIRT WHEN THE SKETCH ARTIST ASKS YOU TO DESCRIBE MY FACE I MAY HAVE ALZHEIMER'S BUT AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE ALZHEIMER'S (Front) THERE'S A FUCKIN' ASSHOLE LOOKING AT ME (Back) ...STILL LOOKING AT ME 1f u c4n r34d th1s u ...

Since my eyes have been permanently scarred by this image, I felt the evil need to force it upon others. In case it’s not clear, this is a statue of Britney Spears. Giving birth. On a bearskin rug. Doggy style.

As promised, I've thrown myself into the MySpace mix with guns blazing. I was really surprised how many of my close friends had MySpace pages and how many groups there are that cater to my very specific interests. I hope you'll check out my page and let me know what you think. I guess I should mention that the MySpace picture is a little more current than the photo on this site so it may come as a surprise to some of the regular readers: Jenée's MySpace page

I had zero interest in the Olympic games until I heard about the gold medal peformance for stupidity. This newest entry to the "Agony of Defeat" reel occurred during the women's snowboard cross finals. It plays out like a laughably unrealistic scene from a bad movie: The race begins with four women vying for the three medals. At least they tell us those are women tearing down the mountain at warp speed but it's hard to tell with the baggy clothes and helmets. Actually, even without the helmets it's kind of hard to tell if some of them are really women. About 10 seconds into the race, one contender literally flies off the screen into no man's land and she's ...