CONTACT		BIO		PHOTOS		VIDEOS		FASHION POLICE		MYSPACE  FACEBOOK

She Bangs…But Won’t Be Banging Him

It's taken me a few days to post this because there's a lot that I've had to process and come to terms with. After John-John and before Clooney-pie, my celeb crushes were Antonio Sabato Jr. and Ricky Martin, who are probably the two most beautiful male specimens to ever walk this planet. Antonio is so stunning that, as a friend can attest, I swerved my car and almost caused an accident the first time I saw his Calvin Klein underwear billboard on Sunset. That's some powerful art. Then I saw him at a party and there's a slight chance that I may have ever-so-gently brushed up against him as I passed. ...

Tags: antonio sabato jr., ricky martin, ron jeremy

Three Minutes In Hollywood

The action never stops. 1:12 am- Two guys run full speed toward my car. One tosses a bag to the curb as they keep running. I'm guessing they weren't getting a jump on the next Olympic trials. 1:15 am- I have to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting Ron Jeremy who darted in front of my car. I know he doesn't look like he can dart but I assure you, he darted. The funniest thing to me is that even in the dark I knew it was him before I ever saw his face. He's certainly got his own inimitable style. This of course got me thinking about the ...

Tags: hollywood, olympics, ron jeremy

Nobody Should Put Baby On The Cover

Rumor has it that photos of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's twins may have been purchased for as much as $11 million. Given that this is not the first time magazines have paid such high prices, I'm inclined to believe they do so because celebrity baby pictures actually sell magazines. WHY?????? I get that my interest in all things baby is not on par with the average person's but for the life of me I can not understand what is so fascinating about pictures of someone else's newborns. They all pretty much look the same to me. I would understand the curiosity if the babies had cleft palates or cone heads-- you know, something a little out of the ordinary. But we're ...

Tags: angelina jolie, brad pitt, magazine, twins

Bizarre Harping

As someone who often has to backtrack when the words I say don't come out the way I intended them to, I'm somewhat forgiving when others do the same. Ok, maybe it doesn't seem that way in here because I tend to exaggerate the foibles of celebrities but in reality when someone makes a retraction I let the offending statement slide. However, I do think there's a limit to how much stupid shit a celebrity should spew in the course of an interview before one of their lackeys gives them a nudge and whispers, "Dude, you're coming across like a jackass." Gwyneth Paltrow could have used such as ...

I’m Fucking Matt Damon

I can't stop singing this damn song so I'm passing it along in the hope that infecting others will help me return to my usual tune, "I'm fucking George Clooney." (FYI- It was a gift from Sarah Silverman to her man Jimmy Kimmel for the fifth year anniversary of his show).

Heath Gone

In the last week, two young celebrities have met untimely deaths and since this stuff usually happens in threes, Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse would be wise to check the expiration dates on their respective deals with the devil. While Brad Renfro's death garnered less press than his breakthrough role in "The Client" did, Heath Ledger's will surely be talked about for years to come. The police say no foul play was involved but I call foul on the woman who found him and (naturally) decided her first call should be to none other than an Olsen twin (I guess the wiser Uncle Jesse wasn't available). If I discovered a movie star's ...

Celebrity Skank-Off

The big Celebrity Skank-Off between Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan has become an exciting race with Britney's recent hit-and-run charges. For those having trouble keeping track of who's in the lead, let's break down the numbers: Crotch shots: Photographs of each of their nether regions are in abundance but Nicole takes up the rear (ahem) since she actually knows enough to wear underwear with a short skirt. This also makes it impossible to tell if she's courting pedophiles with the bald look like her peers so it cost her a few points. Britney earned a few extra points because she was already a ...

Bye Bye Merv

I just read that Merv Griffin passed away. I had a great experience with him a few years ago and thought I'd share. I was asked to be a part of a new show called "The Court of Common Sense." It was sort of like "Judge Judy" except that the decisions were based solely on common sense rather than the law. Needless to say, I loved the concept. Every day for about a week we did run-throughs in Merv Griffin's Beverly Hilton office. A run-through is when you test out a show and hopefully work out the kinks before the pilot is filmed. There were only a handful of us involved ...

Cash For Trash

I thought I was done with Paris Hilton for awhile then along comes a story like this: LOS ANGELES (AP) -- An empty can of gourmet dog food taken from Paris Hilton's trash fetched $305 in an eBay auction. The sellers were from the Web site HollywoodStarTrash.com, which also listed several other Hilton items for sale on eBay. A used toothbrush sold for $305; two envelopes sent to her while she was in jail sold for $510; and a Coke can pulled from her trash went for $51. It kind of scares me that there are people in this world with free access to the Internet who can spare $300 on an empty can of dog food. WHY???? What's the plan? Will ...

Paris’ Jailhouse Rock

I feel guilty that I haven't shared all the information I've received from Paris' PMS (Private Messaging System). Probably the juiciest news came a couple days ago: Monday @ 1 pm: Paris ate a bowl of baked beans. Monday @ 1:15 pm: Paris farted. Juicy indeed. Paris' PMS was money well-spent. Beyond that, our favorite heirhead has been busy crying and phoning elderly newswomen. Oh, and she found God. I guess that explains that "undisclosed medical condition" she's suffering from: she's nuts. It's been well-documented here that I don't believe in God but I do believe if God does exist and he hasn't found you in 26 years maybe it's because he didn't want to be found. I can't help but picture ...

Next Page »

Copyright © 1999-2008 Jenée.net. All rights reserved. Any jokes attempted in this blog are done so under the supervision of a professional. Do not try these on your own blog.