Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots

Pope Tip

I’m Voting For Obama Because…

The grumbling about President Obama’s job performance began around day three by Democrats and Republicans alike. Apparently many people thought we’d elected Harry Potter and with the wave of his magic pen, there would be peace on Earth, economic prosperity for all and airwaves free of Kardashians. Let’s face it, even if Obama had accomplished those things, Fox News would still find something to gripe about, like the number of his gray hairs or the size of his flag pin (and really, any news organization upon which the phrase “flag pin” is even uttered, should have to remove the word “news” from its moniker).

It’s as though people didn’t (and still don’t) recognize the massive hole we were in (insert second Kardashian joke here) and understand it was going to take a while to get us out. I’ve recognized it and I’ve always appreciated the job Obama has done. I’m not a reluctant supporter of the president, I’m an enthusiastic one.

I know I’m not going to change any minds by writing this. Heck, many people have already cast their votes. I’m sharing this because I’m sure it’s somewhat of a mystery to people on the right why I support Obama, just as it’s a mystery to me how they can support Mitt Romney. So here are some of my reasons. I’m voting for Obama because…

The test told me to (kinda)

Granted, my mind was already made up but I took one of those online tests to match me with the best candidate (my results). It actually determined the best one for me is Jill Stein (Green party) at 87% but Obama is close at 86%. Romney trails far behind at 25%. Try it for yourself and see if you selected the right candidate for you.

He’s done some GREAT things

Obama secured a prominent legacy for the distinction of being the first black president. But he will also be remembered as the first president to come out of the closet and declare that homosexuals should have equal rights even while half the population disagrees. And he will be remembered for implementing a health care system where other presidents have failed or haven’t even bothered to try. It’s a flawed system but it’s finally a step in the right direction. Certainly he has had other great accomplishments but these are two for the history books.

He’s not a Republican

For the bulk of my adult life, I’ve peacefully coexisted with Republicans. I’ve had to because my family was mostly comprised of them (happily, the key word in that sentence is “was”). It was just accepted that the Dems were the baby-killing tree-huggers and the Repubs were the gun-toting tax-critics. They were more about money and we were more about compassion. We all just agreed to disagree…please pass the turkey. But the Republican party of late has gone in a decidedly backward direction, as exemplified in its recently-adopted platform (comparison of both platforms). It refuses to grant gays marriage equality and wants to deny them the opportunity to openly serve in the military (seems to me that the people who shouldn’t be able to serve openly are bigots). The GOP wants to replace family planning in schools with abstinence-only education and wants to force women to bring children into this world that they don’t want or they don’t believe they can adequately care for (“Yes, little Joey, you weren’t brought into this world because of love but because of federal law. Be good while I go score some meth”).  The GOP wants to push a religious agenda (especially a Christian one) ignoring science and favoring the writings of an ancient book. Global warming…the environment…stem cell research…I could go on and on but suffice it to say, I think the GOP platform of today is awful and downright scary and it’s the reason I like someone a little bit less when I find out they’re willing to associate themselves with such policies.

Things ARE getting better

Republicans are renewing the old “Are you better off now than you were four years ago?” line. Here’s the way I see it: if you gain 10 pounds a year for eight years and then gain five pounds a year for the next four, you may not be in better shape than you were four years ago but that IS progress. Unemployment has declined almost 2% under Obama (after skyrocketing 4% under Bush). The economy and housing market are bouncing back. Obama has removed us from two wars and involved us in fewer military conflicts than any other president in recent times. And in case you haven’t heard, he got Osama Bin Laden. Yeah, the increasing debt isn’t good and there’s debate about how much responsibility lies with Obama. But I do have hope that investing in the future (renewable resources, small businesses, people’s health and education) will pay off. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney’s plan is to sock a couple trillion dollars away in anticipation of more war and then hope enough jobs can be created to cover the massive loss in revenue from lower taxes to the wealthy. Thanks, but I’ll stick with the plan that’s showing some progress.

He’s not Romney (then again, Romney isn’t even Romney)

The one comfort I can take in the possibility of a Romney presidency is that there’s always the chance he’ll end up supporting all the same policies I do. While reading about Romney’s history, it was blatantly apparent to me that this is a guy who has always done whatever it takes to get what he wants. His flip-flopping positions aren’t gradual evolutions but rather calculated measures to achieve his next goal. I’m sure if he becomes the world’s most powerful man, his next job aspiration will be God. He really is the Etch-a-Sketch master and I’m rather shocked that enough people have fallen for this embarrassingly transparent tactic and allowed him to reach the level of presidential candidate. I will give him a slight nod: he was easily the most palpable of those fighting for the GOP nomination but when the competition is Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Ricky Perry and Herman Cain, even a turd– an actual turd– manages to seem less crappy.

He can’t be re-elected

This isn’t actually relevant in my decision to vote for Obama but it is a reason I believe he can have more success in his second term. The Republicans have spent the last four years cock-blocking Obama and shamelessly admitted so. Senate minority leader Mitch McConell brazenly stated, “”The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term President.” He then ran off to pull a girl’s pigtails. Frankly, I wouldn’t put it past the Democrats to do the same thing to Romney. But take a re-election bid off the table and perhaps the president and congress can work together and make some faster (and better) progress. And with politicians on both sides of the aisle positioning themselves for 2016 runs, that’s an incentive for more congressmen to push policies popular with all Americans. If there’s one thing that can be counted on, it’s politicians acting in their own best interest.

His Veep doesn’t frighten me

As bad as I think Romney would be for our nation, Paul Ryan would be infinitely worse and if the devil decides the time has come to collect upon Mitt’s soul, we would be in some serious trouble.

There’s nothing about his policies I strongly oppose

I do differ from the Democrats on some issues, none of which I would consider fundamental. But I don’t understand how people can say they feel strongly about an issue and then vote for someone who opposes that position. A single issue shouldn’t be the reason to vote for a candidate but a  single issue should be enough reason to not vote for a candidate. Would you vote for a candidate who was perfect in every way… but he opposed equal rights for blacks or women? Ok, some people would but I can’t justify voting for someone while vehemently opposing any of their policies.

People who voted for Obama in ’08 are voting for Romney this year because they THINK he will be better for the economy. The top economists in the world can’t say for sure who will be better for the economy and there’s certainly no historical evidence to prove that a Republican president is better. Yet average Joes have the audacity to believe they know who will be better. Ha! It’s really just a crap shoot. I don’t know who will be better for the economy but I do know that promoting equal rights for those who don’t have them and preserving existing rights are the best path for our country. I’ve heard some people say that all that matters this year is the economy and social issues can wait. I wonder how many of them would be willing to put rights they take for granted on hold for four or more years? That’s what’s at stake here. Social issues always matter.

He stands for the principles this nation was built upon

Even if someone had a crystal ball that guaranteed Obama would tank the economy and Romney would bring prosperity, I’d still vote for Obama. Money isn’t everything and what we surely stand to lose under Romney isn’t worth a few extra bucks in my pocket. I won’t diminish the importance of a strong economy but it should come in addition to freedom and liberty and equality, not in exchange for it. We’re known as the land of freedom, not the land of economic surplus. We’re the land of opportunity, not the land of opportunists. We don’t pledge jobs and tax breaks for all, we pledge liberty and justice for all.

Obama’s slogan this year is “Forward” and he’s the candidate to continue moving us in that direction.

Mitt Gump

 

Money Money Money

 

My Only…

…post of 2011. Barely got it in under the wire. Gotta get my shit together next year.

IncompetenSe

I figure I should start the new year out right by writing a post to my blog that it probably appeared I’d abandoned. I’m going to blame my absence on the Facebook status update, which is really a much easier way to vent my frustrations.

In the time since my last post, the four year anniversary of my blog came and past. One thing that hasn’t changed in four years is that I still think people are idiots. In fact, they seem to be getting better at it.

One annoyance I’ve been dealing with involves my phone. I had to buy a new one a couple months ago and it’s been one hassle after another ever since. Just to give you an idea of what I’ve been dealing with, the first time I attempted to call the store where I bought it, the line was busy for half an hour. I didn’t even know the busy signal still existed but I was particularly surprised that a phone store lacked the technology to avoid it.

I later had to go into my local Verizon store and endured the opposite problem. The phone kept ringing and ringing. On the third extended ringing session, another customer and I exchanged annoyed glances so I knew I wasn’t the only one bothered by it. I went near the service desk and asked, “Does anybody hear that ringing?” Nothing. They clerks didn’t even look up at me. So I decided to take advantage of my apparent stealth status and picked up the receiver and then hung it up. I figured a pissed off customer on the phone was better than 10 in the store.

I don’t expect everybody to excel at their job but is it asking to much that people exhibit a minimal level of competence? You don’t have to be the pilot that can make a perfect water landing but you should at least be paying enough attention that you don’t overshoot your destination by a couple hundred miles. You don’t have to be the secret service agent who jumps in front of a bullet but you shouldn’t allow entry to the White House to be easier than entry to the corner dive bar.

My hope for 2010 isn’t that people work harder or longer, just better.

Health Care, Not Health I Don’t Care

I think it’s time for me to finally weigh in with my expert opinion on the health care issue. I’m comfortable calling myself an expert on the topic because it’s evident that a person doesn’t need to know anything about the facts of the proposed health care to be considered an authority. And actually, the crazier you sound and the more wildly you distort the facts, the better your chances are of getting your own show on Fox.

Specifically, I want to address the issue of whether the government should provide free/affordable health care. OF COURSE IT SHOULD. And not just health care insurance, our government should make adequate health care available to its citizens for free. It doesn’t have to be great– the waiting rooms can have hard seats and 20-year-old issues of Highlights– but it should get the job done.

There are two major complaints I hear about the health care issue. The first is that the U.S. can’t afford it. The government provides free education, free security, free legal services and even free room and board if you’re so inclined to rob a bank or have a few ounces of pot in your possession (though it’s only short-term housing if you molest a child). Why should health care be some sort of luxury?

The fact is, the United States is rich but we spend like a rapper after his first hit single. Our nation sends billions of dollars in aid to other countries each year, let’s start helping out the people at home. Perhaps some smaller examples of how we spend our money will put it into perspective. Early this year, our government spent over $300K to fly Air Force One low through New York City, scaring the crap out of everybody, for a stupid photo op. Apparently nobody at the Pentagon knows they could have accomplished the same thing with Photoshop for a total cost of about $500.

Even more recently, Los Angeles spent $1.4 million of taxpayer dollars on the Michael Jackson memorial. Concert promoter AEG donated the $90K it earned from the event to the city and do you think that money will offset the cost? Nope. It’s going toward a $620K memorial wall to fallen L.A. police officers. That’s not a typo. It’s a brass wall that costs over half a million dollars. A Facebook group dedicated to the officers costs nothing and would probably attract more visitors. If that’s not enough, perhaps the city could instead give $620K cash to the fallen officer’s families so they can afford the private health care insurance they probably lost when their husband/wife/parent died.

It seems like on the rare occasion when the government does make cuts, I’m the one who gets screwed. I recently reported for jury duty and during orientation I learned it was Juror Appreciation Week. I immediately reached under my seat hoping to feel a key but then I heard those unfortunate words, “Due to cutbacks…” You know what they gave us? A mechanical pencil. And they didn’t even give it to us until the end of the day because apparently they were afraid too many people would show up for jury duty to score that free fucking pencil.

The second complaint I hear a lot about the health care issue is sort of a variation on the first. It’s the ‘ol “Why should my money go toward other people’s health insurance? Maybe they should get jobs that pay better” argument. Anybody who feels that way should take it upon themselves to force people out of their cushy minimum wage jobs. Stop supporting establishments that pay their employees substandard wages and stop employing Juanita who cleans your house for six hours for 50 bucks. Force businesses to bump up their pay rates so their employees can afford to purchase their own health insurance without government assistance. Once that happens, you can wash that $20 Big Mac down with a $10 coke, satisfied with the knowledge that your tax dollars aren’t being spent to cover someone else’s health insurance.

Green Day: Los Angeles

I’m a little slow in recapping Tuesday night’s show at the Forum because the intense contact high from massive amounts of weed is just wearing off. The scent is to be expected at a concert for a band who derived their name from smoking bud all day but the kids really outdid themselves in their pot consumption for Green Day’s final U.S. tour stop.

The evening got off to a bad start for me. When I purchased the tickets a few months ago, I did so as soon as they went on sale and selected “best available.” The two tickets that popped up appeared to be killer seats just to the side of the stage so I snatched them up but on closer inspection I realized they were actually in the upper section. So I made another attempt and picked up a floor ticket.

Because of my Green Week tour, I was a bit slow about unloading the extra tickets so the night before the show I offered them to my brother and his wife and he turned them down. So in the recent past both my brother and sister have declined Green Day tickets, my mom and aunt said they didn’t even know who they were and my two nephews (age 6 and 8) refuse to even listen to any music that isn’t by AC/DC or Alice Cooper. I’m down to my dad, older brother and 96-year-old grandpa as the only hopes left in my family.

I tried hustling the tickets in the parking lot but I’m a horrible salesperson under the best of circumstances and when doors opened I wanted to get a decent spot on the floor so I let them go for a painfully low price but thanks to the Phoenix tickets I sold, I still came out ahead for the week.

Venues always say no cameras allowed but at the San Diego show the security guys said they didn’t really care about little digital cameras just not the fancy professional ones. To be on the safe side, I tucked my camera into my cleavage and had no problem getting past their pat down, which consisted of a finger slide down the sides of the arms and legs. Since I had a seat at the Phoenix show I didn’t bring the camera but I put it in my familiar spot for the L.A. show. I couldn’t believe it when the security lady pressed her hand between my breasts. I was quite literally busted! With no other reasonable hiding places on my body, I had to make the long haul back to my car and settle for taking pictures with my camera phone instead.

I squeezed into a spot about 15 feet from the stage right next to a couple with their 8-year-old son. I warned them that the surge when Green Day took the stage would be really intense so they needed a little barrier around the boy. When the kid heard I’d been to other shows this week, he asked if they played “She.” “She” is an old song they always play but I was surprised he’d even heard of it. It turned out this wasn’t a situation where the parents dragged the kid to the show but the other way around. Needless to say, I rather liked the kid at that point and signed up for security detail on his behalf.

Just as the drunk bunny finished up his set signaling that the show was about to start, two bitches shoved their way through the crowd, knocking into a bunch of us, including the kid. I yelled, “Hey! Watch it!” and one shot a few insults my way. At that point, a sizable amount of my drink may have accidentally spilled on her. Probably noticing that I was a good four inches taller than her, she moved a few paces away from me and then punched me a couple times on the arm. Then she tried to make a dash through the crowd and somehow some of her long hair got caught in my tight hand grip. I know, I know. It was all stupid and immature and I’m not usually the scrapper type but their shoving really pissed me off, especially where Green Day’s mini fan base was concerned.

My joy over the little tyke waned as I and a couple others really did seem like we were on duty to protect the kid and I was disappointed that he didn’t want to go onstage for a very cool stunt during “East Jesus Nowhere.” Luckily the family hightailed it after about half an hour and I was able to bounce to my heart’s content.

I was actually satisfied being farther back than I was at the San Diego show because I wasn’t crushed against people. But when a group of guys finished moshing leaving a large gap on the floor that wasn’t filled by the people in front of me, I couldn’t resist a little “Excuse me, please” as I passed them to move forward to within a couple feet of the stage. As I mentioned in the San Diego blog, I watched the end of that show from the back of the pit so it was cool to be up close this time around.

One of the coolest moments was when Billie Joe took a stage dive with his guitar into the crowd, a risky move among a pack of rabid fans. Watching the panicked scurrying of the security team as they got him back up within seconds was rather amusing.

The show was again mostly the same. I was disappointed that I never got to hear three of my favorite songs off their new album (“Horseshoes and Handgrenades,” “Viva la Gloria!” and “Peacemaker”) but I was thrilled during the L.A. encore that Billie Joe played an acoustic version of “Macy’s Day Parade,” which I never thought I’d hear live.

But the absolute coolest moment of my whole tour came after the show ended. Billie Joe had just finished “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” which is always the last song so I turned to leave when I noticed a commotion from the crowd. Drummer Tré Cool had run back onstage and threw his drumsticks into the crowd. The insane scramble to grab them left about a dozen of us on our butts. As I stood back up, I saw a drumstick underneath me and snatched it up! It’s even got the groove marks on it (which I stupidly thought were teeth marks at first). As exciting as it was at the moment, I later realized it’s just one more piece of crap that I have no use for but can’t throw away. Maybe someday my nephews will wise up and appreciate Green Day and I’ll pass it on to them after I become that asshole who brings the kiddies to one of their concerts. And I totally would because a Green Day concert is an incredible experience and I would be thrilled to be able to share it with them.

My Green Day photo album (more pics and videos to come soon).