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My Oscar Picks

Last week I promised to send my reviews of the four best picture nominees I watched and I figure I better get this up before the ceremony so that I can bitch about the winners tomorrow: Michael Clayton- This movie was boring with a capital "Zzz." It took me three days to watch the whole thing. Any movie that features George Clooney in almost every scene but can't hold my attention has to be pretty awful. Clooney stars as a "fixer" for a law firm- he fixes people's problems. His friend has a problem that could create problems for the law firm so he tries to help his friend with his problem but he has his own problems so the firm ...

And The Winner Is… Me!

For the last five years I've bartended at the Academy Awards without having seen many (some years, any) of the best picture nominees beforehand. This year I decided to make the event more interesting by watching them all so that I wouldn't accidentally shoo away another best actor nominee. I got through four of the five pictures when, naturally, something better came along and now I won't be working the Oscars- that's because I'm going to Afghanistan instead! Ok, so "better" is a matter of perspective. This is something I begged to do the day after 9/11 (otherwise known as 9/12) but the company I've done overseas gigs for in the past never booked any tours in the area. ...

I’m So Depressed

I'm pretty buzzed right now so excuse me if I ramble on and make a bunch of typos. But I really am more depressed than I've been in a long time so I did a few shots of Jaeger. In my early 20's I used to do about five shots of Jaeger just to get the night started but it's been several years since I've done even one. I have to admit I gagged doing them tonight. Guess I'm out of practice. And no, the depression is not because Lost had its season finale and it will be nine months until there's a new episode. I'm actually trying to hold off on watching the finale as long as humanly possible ...

I Worked The Oscars And All I Got Was Hep A

Ok, I don't know that... YET. But as I was finishing up this recap, news reports started swirling that a prep cook with the company may have exposed people to the virus at a bunch of events earlier this month. When I filled out my Oscars paperwork a few weeks ago, I took with me a turkey sandwich and a salad- both of which fall into the category of raw food the employee supposedly handled. Information sent by the health department says there is only a two week window in which vaccinations for the virus can be given so I fall outside that window. ...

The Second Annual Oscar Barkeep Awards

My Oscars recap just keeps getting longer and longer so I decided I'll finish that later and get to what little good stuff I have to share on this year's ceremony. So here it is, The Second Annual Oscar Barkeep Awards Favorite Academy Awards bar quotes: "Can I just get tap water? I don't have any money" and "Do you have Jessica Biel's credit card?" I don't know why, but for some reason that just sounded funny being asked that. Best tipper: Steve Carrell (Diet Coke). BTW- he was accompanied by the woman who recently played his girlfriend on "The Office" (the one who broke up with him after he sent out a Christmas card in which he'd Photoshopped his face over her ...

Year Five At The Oscars

Prior to last year's Academy Awards I wondered if that would be the final one I'd work. Then I arrived at the Kodak to learn it was a cash bar and Diet Coke had made some commemorative bottles and right then I knew I'd do it again. Since we only served about six bottles of the 50+ cases we had, I saved a few from the trash dumpster and put them on eBay. I expected them to do well- maybe $25-40 for a six pack- but I was flabbergasted when the first few sold for upwards of $150 each. Yes, there are suckers who ...

Last Call From The Academy Awards Bartender

For the past four years I've bartended at the Academy Awards. This is the last of four posts about my experiences (part one, part two, part three) This year's Oscars did not get off to a good start for me. I'd had website problems the night before that kept me up way too late considering my 11am call time. Then my cell phone alarm didn't go off and I woke up at 10:45! Granted, the time I'd set it for was only 15 minutes earlier, but that 15 minutes makes all the difference. It was somewhat of a miracle that I woke up on my own that ...

Getting To The Academy Awards

For the last four years I've bartended at the Academy Awards and will do so again this year. This is part three of my experiences (Part one, part two) One reason I think working the Academy Awards is a hassle is because it involves some pre-show effort on my part like going to one location to fill out paper work for the background check then another location to have my picture taken for an Academy Awards access pass. Security for the Oscars is tight. They slide mirrors under all vehicles entering the garage then force you to clear one or two metal detectors before entering the building. Actually, the security looks tighter than it really is. Since I live around the corner from the Kodak Theatre, I just walk to the event but for some reason I'm not allowed to just walk into the building, I have to be in a car. So last year I just jumped in someone's car and none of the security checked my credentials, nor did they examine my bag which was large enough to contain all kinds of dangerous materials. They did sift through my bag at the metal detector station but I later realized I got through with a decent sized knife. I remember thinking at the time, "I could stab Nicole Kidman right now if I wanted to." Not that I have anything against Nicole Kidman (or that I'd stab anybody in couture, for that matter) it's just one of those things that popped in my head when I discovered the security lapse. Two years ago, I was lucky I even made it to the event. Due to some poor scheduling on my part, I was working at Laffs in Tucson up until the night before the Oscars. As soon as I finished my Saturday night late show set, I hit the road. All I wanted to do was get home as fast as possible so I could get a couple hours of sleep. I stopped in Quartzite for gas and went into the bathroom to change into sweats and wash my face. As I was doing so, a woman walked into the restroom and asked me something, which I missed because of the running water. I said, "What?" And she mumbled it again. I still missed it so I was about to turn off the water when she said "Nevermind." I finished up then realized what she'd asked: "Is that your wallet there." I figured this out because I knew I'd brought my little wallet in with me and no longer had it so I must have left it in the stall. When she came out I said, "I just realized you were asking if I'd left my wallet in there. Yeah, I did." She said, "What wallet?" I glanced inside the stall and sure enough, my wallet was gone.

Academy Awards Recap Coming

My site was totally screwed up for a few hours yesterday so I wasn't able to post my final story on my past Academy Award experiences. I will post that later today along with my recap from this year's event. In the meantime, I've got some eBaying to do... [tags]academy awards, oscars, bartender[/tags]

More From The Academy Awards Bartender Files

For the last four years I've bartended at the Academy Awards and will do so again this year. This is part two of my experiences (Part one) As I mentioned yesterday, Oscar money isn't all in the tips. Ebay is what makes the event really worthwhile. The amount of dough people pay for stupid memorabilia is ridiculous. But that's the kind of stupid I like. First on the annual auction block is the Oscar pin we have to wear, which serves as a classy sort of access pass. In addition, I can usually get my hands on a few programs left on the bar. Then there's usually some sort of booklet or trinket given out at the Governor's Ball (which is the official after party that everybody ditches within an hour). Since I don't work that party, those are a little harder for me to come by but sometimes I can find a forgotten one on my way out. At the end of the day, fifteen minutes of computer work ends up bringing in as much or more money than eight hours of hard labor. What a mixed-up world we live in.

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