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Signs My Date Is Too Young For Me

The first time I ever heard of The Jonas Brothers was on Christmas, when my niece-in-law (is that a term? It’s my brother-in-law’s niece) was bopping around to their music on her mp3 player so I had a listen. They sing that freakishly catchy music that I’ll never seek out but if I ever hear it on the radio I’m sure I’ll find myself singing it for hours afterward. Since then, I’ve come across several pictures of the teenyboppers and I’m afraid to find out how old they are because the future hotness potential of the middle one makes me a little warm. Is it wrong to have impure thoughts about a youngun’ as long as I’ve mentally aged him by 5-10 years? I’ll admit it’s far from a perfect science, a lesson I learned with Prince William (who could have predicted the freckle-faced redhead would turn out to be the sexier one)?

With another birthday tomorrow (the big two five- please, don’t ruin it for me), I should probably be looking for more age-appropriate men but the fact is it’s slightly less depressing to date an immature 21-year-old than to date an immature 41-year-old. But given my intense fear of hearing the term “cougar” being used in reference to me, I decided it’s time for me to set some guidelines so I’ll know when young is too young.

Signs My Date Is Too Young For Me

… He’s proud of himself for identifying AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.”
At the chorus.

… He uses the phrase, “Today my professor said…”

… He mentions his three roommates, none of whom he’s obligated by law to support.

… He knows the first name of the Jonas brother I think is hot. (Correction: will be hot)

… He’s not embarrassed to say he can’t buy me a drink because he only has $16 in his bank account. And his ID was confiscated the last time he tried to get into Hyde.

… He says he grew up watching the “Real World,” having seen all the way back to the New York season. You know, the one with Coral and Mike.

… He can’t type to save his life but he can text 75 words per minute.

… He doesn’t think twice about asking me my age.

… We’re on a date and he points out a cast member from “The Hills.”

… He’s watched “The Hills.”

… I joke about someone’s simple chronic halitosis and he thinks I’m referring to weed.

… I mention “The Breakfast Club” and he asks if it’s an after-hours. And if he’ll be able to score X there.

… I feel compelled to calculate how many years it’s been since my first menstrual period.

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