People magazine has declared Matthew McConaughey its “Sexiest Man Alive.” I can’t help but wonder what happened to last year’s winner. Did he let the title go to his head, gain 40 pounds and discontinue his hair plug treatments? Did he show up at a premiere in a turquoise Members Only jacket? Was he bumped off by one of this year’s hungry contenders? That begs the question: is it really necessary to include the word “alive” in the title? I can’t imagine there would be a lot of reader backlash when their favorite 14th century poet doesn’t win.
I just don’t understand how someone can be anointed with a superlative like “Sexiest Man Alive” and never win it two years in a row. For that matter, it’s very suspicious that the person who beats out a couple billion other men is always an American in the entertainment industry.
It’s time for People to infuse their titles with a little accuracy, so I offer some suggestions for next year’s declaration:
- Sexiest Man We Know Of From Our Limited Awareness Of The World
- Sexiest Man Alive (But We Haven’t Seen All The Pygmies)
- The Guy Who Had The Hottest Picture Taken Just Before This Issue Went To Publication
- One Hot Dude With A Powerful Publicist
- The Best Looking Guy To Return Our Phone Calls Last Week
- Sexiest Man In Hollywood Who Thinks This Will Help His Stalled Movie Career
- Sexiest Guy Sleeping With One Of Tom Cruise’s Old Flames
- Sexiest Male Celebrity Who Hasn’t Been Arrested On Drug Charges (In The Last Year)
All I’m saying is People magazine needs to show George Clooney a little respect- at least until he’s no longer alive.
Dennis Dale wrote:
How about, “Most in need of disguising his true sexuality.”
houseband00 wrote:
or ” not labeled with an über-shmüber umlaut?”
Marcus Beaubier wrote:
it just speaks to how spoon fed and fickle we’ve become. What’s sadder to me is when people become celebs because of their notorious lifestyle and not because of any substance.
Ashes of Life wrote:
This is great stuff, keep us laughing!
Casey wrote:
I eat up your jokes like it was jell-o, (green flavored) and I love jell-0! I commend you for your efforts.
Strayntn wrote:
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Strayntn wrote:
Uh huh…there’s ugly people in the world too, but seeing as how spoon fed and fickle I am, I prefer outrageous people, (James Dean), notorius? (James Dean)..and I’m lost here…substance..(James Dean) or is that he drank alot of booze (substance…abuse?), outrageous man!, and crashed and died! Notorius!!!!
He can’t help it he was purdy…
Carly wrote:
I AM familiar with attractive men, however, I am NOT so familiar with the process of choosing the “sexiest man alive”. I am only assuming that there is a forum of stay at home moms in a board room somewhere kicking around possible candidates like Warren Beaty, Rob Lowe, Pierce Brosnan, Patrick Swayze, and Charlie AND Martin Sheen (YES, they come as a set). How the HELL did they come up with the naked, high bongo player in his traveling “rancher”? George Clooney- Yes, I have quite satisfying fantasies about Mr. Clooney in suspenders, however, before any fantasies ensue with country boy Matthew McConaughey, I would have to demand a shower, and a shave. There’s just something about him that always looks slighty dirty- and not in a good way….more in that- I’ve travelled 400 miles in my truck with my dog…oh, and I dont have any running water- kinda way.
Oh well, that’s just me. I’m sure I can list a few more delicous celebrities to throw into the running for next year.