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People Who Annoy Me #581

… Those who blame every heat wave on global warming.

… Those who say every cold spell is evidence against global warming.

… Those who think Wikipedia is the ultimate resource.

… Those who think Wikipedia is a worthless resource.

… Those who park their SUV’s in spaces marked “compact.”

… Those who drive erratically because they’re holding a cell phone. Buy a damn Bluetooth headset already.

… Those who take me too seriously. Seriously, don’t.

… Those who are new to Southern California who argue that our heavy winds are called “Santana winds.” Maybe that’s the origin but we call them “Santa Ana winds.” You’ll sound like a dufus if you use the former term.

… Those who use a lot of clichés/idioms, usually incorrectly (i.e. “If we just buckle up and grab the bull by the balls, it will be like taking candy from a tiger”). If you can’t hack accurately, come up with some new material.

… Those who say the most important thing in their life is their religion (above family even) but they have a penchant for breaking the Ten Commandments.

… Those who drink gallons of water on a road trip then want to pull over every hour to pee. That’s great that you consume the recommended daily amount of water. Do it when we arrive at our destination.

… Those who think that leaving their phone number on my voice mail is some kind of race. Slow the fuck down. If your message included words like “ASAP,” or “urgent,” you might want to think about repeating the number. S-L-O-W-L-Y.

… Pretty much everybody else.

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