The New Monopoly
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Hasboro is updating the 70-year-old Monopoly game and they’re asking for the public’s suggestions. I have a few ideas to make the game more modern and realistic:
The corners “Go,” “Jail” and “Free Parking” will remain the same, but they’ll each now share space with a Starbucks. Every time you land on one you’ll have to pay $10 for a double decaf mocha latte.
The cheap properties- purple and blue- are on indian land. Owners are allowed to build casinos for the price of four hotels.
The pieces:
I have no idea what an iron and a dog have to do with real estate, so I suggest for pieces a Blackberry, a briefcase, a Mercedes, a credit card and a bottle of Xanax.
Chance and Treasure Chest cards:
That Columbia Records and Tapes club membership you welched on comes back to haunt you with a blip on your credit report. Pay an additional 10% interest on each property.
A sex offender moves into the neighborhood, which threatens to lower property values. Pay $1,000 for each house, $5,000 for each hotel for a lynch mob to drive him out of town.
You save the life of a teamster. Advance to the nearest utility. If it is already owned- fuggedaboutit. It’s yours now.
Dropped phone call costs you a big deal. Pay $300 to get out of your current cellular contract.
A Hollywood location scout has chosen your properties for reality shows. Receive $1000 for each house, $5000 for each hotel.
Bad time to get lonely on a business trip- that hooker has a dick. And a badge. Go directly to jail.
Your new accountant’s questionable deductions go unquestioned by the IRS. Collect $5000.
Terrorists attack. Lose all houses and hotels.
Think they’ll use any of my ideas?
Jerry Sienfeld wrote:
Great Blog…I’m not sure if the “old shoe” is especially relevant for a game piece either…perhaps consider updating with a “really bad hairpiece”, to pay tribute to one of the greatest real estate sheister’s of all time – Donald Trump…
Kristi wrote:
Ruth Dynamite wrote:
You’re definitely on the right track. You might also consider changing the real estate names. Park Place might become “Meat Packing Place” or “American Girl Place”? You could add starter-castle/McMansion-type properties like “Haliburton Heights” or “Stepford Way”? Maybe a duplex “(Mullet Forest Villas”) and a low-rent apartment complex (“Chlamydia Row”)? I’d buy it.
Stefanie wrote:
That post was hilarious! Seriously, use it as a writing sample. I especially liked the “bad time to get lonely on a business trip.”
Bricolage Fantasy » Weekend Note wrote:
[...] Updating Hasbro’s monopoly games. Janee has some idea. The pieces: I have no idea what an iron and a dog have to do with real estate, so I suggest for pieces a Blackberry, a briefcase, a Mercedes, a credit card and a bottle of Xanax. Chance and Treasure Chest cards: That Columbia Records and Tapes club membership you welched on comes back to haunt you with a blip on your credit report. Pay an additional 10% interest on each property. [...]
Ben wrote:
That’s great, even if Hasbro won’t value your efforts.
Best wishes from germany!
I guess you should think about the high-price places. Can’t be, that everyone stumbling on these can get them and keep them. Maybe just jump over them, when moving, and being able to buy them, when having a special “Your bank loves you!”-card. Not to forget the “Loose everything! Someone offended you of being perverted or gay or just too normal.”-card.
Winston McCrary wrote:
I like your rules they are good add in’s to the game, I have some good idea’s to about Monopoly. the driection the game is heading is in a time were the game is starting to be more real, the game i made up is called govrnment VS the street. I know what you are saying you can’t sell drugs in the game of Monopoly, oh but you can if you give me 5 min of your time i can discribe you the game that will be played in every home across the country.
first off Government VS the street is played with the same rules as normal monopoly and is best played with the money and houses of two Monopoly’s. The drugs are in the form of the house, one green house is 50$ and the red house is worth five geen house. in the very begging of the game befor any body can by poperty drugs are sold for 50$ after you pass go the price of the drugs goes up to 150$ a green house, as soon as you by your first poperty you can lay as much as 1,ooo dollors worth of drug on one place but once you put drugs on you can not take it off intial you sell the poperty or the police take it of, the police is just another peice that starts at go to jail and goes around the bored after every body has rolled in that sires,i’ll get back to the police later that has more to do with goverment side, when you put drugs on a property it is place at the bottom of the property and is sold for 50$ for every green house there, there are place’s like the rail roads, borad walk and park place and the purple’s. the rail roads are like trafficking, if you own all four rail roads you can move your drugs around the borad only on the onwners turn,the drugs on the rail road are sold for 100$ a green house but van only place up to 4 on one place if you crowd all of them you can no longer move them intail you sell it or the cops take ether way some one is doing time if you get cought trafficking the punisment is wores then if you were selling on a regular property. If you like my idea or want to hear more please say so on this page and i will finish telling how to play, i am just to sleepy right now and have a lot more to write
Winston k.McCrary