Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots

My Oscar Picks

Last week I promised to send my reviews of the four best picture nominees I watched and I figure I better get this up before the ceremony so that I can bitch about the winners tomorrow:

Michael Clayton- This movie was boring with a capital “Zzz.” It took me three days to watch the whole thing. Any movie that features George Clooney in almost every scene but can’t hold my attention has to be pretty awful. Clooney stars as a “fixer” for a law firm- he fixes people’s problems. His friend has a problem that could create problems for the law firm so he tries to help his friend with his problem but he has his own problems so the firm helps him with his problem so he can help them with their problem. Read that last sentence over and over for two hours and that time spent will be more entertaining than what I spent watching this film. The fact that this was nominated for best picture is a testament to the fatal charm of George Clooney and apparently the members of the academy are bigger suckers for it than I am. As for Clooney’s acting nomination, well, I don’t recall him mispronouncing any words and I never heard him yell, “line” so I guess he got the job of an emotionless man done. Tilda Swinton, who was nominated for her supporting role, uttered about 10 lines total and filled the rest of her onscreen time with bizarre mouth gestures. Being the Brit that she is, she has a nasty lower grill so in all fairness I should mention I was somewhat fixated on that and perhaps missed out on some of the finer points of her performance.

No Country For Old Men- Unlike Michael Clayton, this movie had some action, which it needed because it had no dialogue. I’d love to see the script that was nominated for best adapted screenplay because it couldn’t be longer than 40 pages. That’s probably a good thing since the only character whose dialogue was of much interest was Chigurh, portrayed by Xavier Bardem. The premise is that Josh Brolin’s character stumbles upon some money that Chigurh wants, presumably to buy more hot rollers (I don’t know how that guy found the time in his busy killing schedule to curl his hair each day). In his quest to retrieve the money, Chigurh destroys everybody and everything that gets in his way and even a few things that don’t. Dude gets a hard on from death. The movie is set in pre-DNA 1980, which allows Chigurh to be a slippery fella, much to the chagrin of the small town sheriff played by Tommy Lee “Call me Ishmael” Jones (who apparently gets a hard on from playing law enforcement officers chasing elusive bad guys). Bardem made for a creepy homicidal “ghost” and his nomination in the supporting actor category is well-deserved. Overall, it was a fairly entertaining film- a few slow points balanced by some very suspenseful ones- but not one I’d consider a best picture. And that last scene perplexed me enough that I had to watch it over. I still don’t get the significance of it and I think the previous scene would have been a more sensible ending.

Juno- I decided to break up the bleak dramas with Juno. To truly appreciate this film, I think you have to erase the notion that it’s a comedy from your mind. While it is lighthearted, it doesn’t provide the sort of chuckles that warrant the comedy label. The story is about a sardonic teenager named Juno who goes to bed (or rather, to chair) with her friend and gets knocked up. She considers abortion for about two minutes then baby fingernails and raspberry condoms change her mind and she decides to give it up for adoption.

One of the highlights for me was seeing Arrested Development‘s Jason Bateman and Michael Cera in the same program, even if they didn’t actually share any scenes together. Cera has become the new go-to-virgin and the master of awkward delivery. The funnier moments were usually thanks to him- everything he says just cracks me up. I like the best screenplay nomination for this as it’s a compelling story with clever dialogue. In fact, on paper (or on a blog) I think this could be laugh out loud funny, but often the dialogue is a bit too clever to be coming from a 16-year-old’s mouth. However, Ellen Page does a convincing job of delivering it and I think her nomination in the best actress category is just the first of others to come.

Atonement- Of all the best picture nominees, this one held the lowest expectations for me going in. I’m not a big fan of period pieces, particularly ones involving British accents (except when the title is preceded with the words, “Monty Python’s…”). But early prominent use of the word “cunt” gave me hope that this wasn’t an old lady’s tea-time flick. Set in 1935, the cuntiness begins when a mini-Chloe Sevigny lookalike pegs a crime on the wrong dude, which seriously crimps his cunt action. I started to get caught up in the romance of the story, until about halfway in when the film couldn’t decide if it was a war flick or a romance. Apparently the director decided he might have an Academy Award calibre film so he filled it with a bunch of artsy fartsy stuff instead of telling the story. I think movie makers will love it and give this the award for best picture but it fell a bit short for me.

The film showed some scenes from different points of view, which I kind of liked. But when you go that route you have to be careful about continuity and I noticed a couple of obvious goofs. One being when Keira Knightley’s character comes out of the fountain she has wet bangs in her face (from Briony’s view) but her hair is pulled back in the subsequent view. The other goof is in the library where we see a close up of a shoe dropping then in the wide shot a few seconds later the shoe is back on the foot. It’s not a big deal but I’m always amazed how stuff like that escapes the director and/or the editors.

Without having seen There Will Be Blood, my vote for best picture goes to Juno, though I don’t think any of them were really spectacular. The fact that critics have called this a strong contest sort of explains why I don’t see many movies anymore. What’s the point of spending 10 bucks on a mediocre film when I can watch Lost every week for free?