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My Hand, My Wishes

On Monday’s finale of The Bachelorette, a big deal was made over her suitors asking for her father’s permission to propose to her, an archaic tradition I can’t believe is still practiced. It made sense back in olden days when a marriage meant the loss of a good farmhand or butter churner but in today’s age of food processors and women living on their own for a good while before marrying, it’s rather insulting to the woman.

Asking for the father’s permission suggests that the father has control over his daughter’s life and subsequently, the husband will be in control. Fuck that. I don’t want anybody thinking he’s the boss of me and I have no interest in a henpecked little man who thinks he needs to ask permission for anything. Asking for the father’s permission also makes him the boss of his future son-in-law, as exemplified on the finale when Sean Penn’s request was followed by the father’s order that he cut his hair. While I agree that he’d look better with shorter hair, I don’t want my dad thinking he can give style orders to somebody I’ll be appearing in public with.

It’s one thing for a guy to tell the parents (not just the father, you misogynistic bastards), “I’m going to ask your daughter to be my wife and I hope you’re okay with that… but if you’re not, tough shit.” But asking for permission is ridiculous because what if the parents say no? Would the guy back off from the woman he loves? Of course not, which makes it an empty courtesy. Granted, it would never go down like that in my household because if I ever brought a guy home to my parents it would be my dad who would beg the guy to marry me before I could even make the introductions.

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