Members Only
Last night I went dancing at a club on 80’s music night and noticed a hot guy. The attraction soon ended when I spotted him on the dance floor. Now, maybe I could forgive the fact that he danced the same way most 14-year-old boys danced back in the 80’s but then I made the horrific discovery he was wearing a turquoise Members Only jacket. I realize it’s shallow to judge somebody harshly because of their appearance. But come on- it was a Members Only jacket. And it was turquoise. How much depth is one mere mortal expected to have?
He approached me, which I had anticipated, because really hot guys always seem to want to talk to me about two minutes after I’ve noticed some glaring flaw in them- like they’re gay or married or wearing a turquoise Members Only jacket. He seemed very nice and I tried to convince myself the jacket wasn’t that bad, especially in comparison to the guy in the corner wearing the pink headband and break dancing. Didn’t work. I kept hoping he’d give me some sort of sign that the jacket was a joke, in which case I’d think he was the coolest guy ever. Nothing. His whole demeanor told me, “I’m used to hitting on girls in my hip Members Only jacket.”
Later he asked me for my phone number and all I could think about was what if I went out with him and he wore that jacket or, even worse, what if he decided to dress up in his parachute pants and skinny piano tie? I really don’t care what others think about me, but apparently I have a great deal of concern for what others think about the clothing style of my companions. I mean, certain really bad choices indicate some sort of mental deficiency, right? And that’s a perfectly legitimate reason to decline sharing my number, which I did.
I’m aware that my Seinfeldian pickiness will probably leave me old and alone but a woman has to have certain standards and there’s no way I’m letting a Members Only penis get near my public vagina.
Er, well, you know what I mean.
5 Responses to “Members Only”
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It was an 80’s club. I can remember what I wore and how I looked in that era. Thank god I got married and my wife cleaned out my closet. I do admit to hiding the parachute pants for a few years. Maybe he just thought the club was themed and he was really impressing you. Now he probably thinks you are hiding behind a herpes breakout.
I must admit that I’m also guilty of the same ‘Seinfeldian pickiness’ and would prefer to have companions who are confident and well dressed. However, in your case, if he is hot, shouldn’t you give him & yourself a chance by seeing him again in another setting, say in a cafe? Who knows, he may dress differently then…
Thanks for checking in, jamdaddy. I guess I should clarify that it was 80’s music night at the club and everybody seemed to get the idea except this guy and break dancer boy. Like I said, if he’d given me any indication the jacket was a joke (or costume) I’d have gotten a kick out of it.
There was no mention of venereal diseases on either of our parts (pun not intended, but I’ll keep it). But I’d be much more receptive to dating someone with herpes than someone with a turquoise Members Only jacket.
Springclover- you make a good point about giving him a chance. While the jacket was the initial deterrent, there were other factors that made me think we wouldn’t make a good match. Plus, if I planned to see him again, I couldn’t have written this blog, so clearly I have my priorities in order.
A guy admit to a mistake? Have you really dated much? Ok, I am really kidding and I guess after 20 years of marriage I can look back and laugh. Meet your date at his place so you can pick his coat. Plus if you have to file a police report or restraining order you have his address.
Finding a Hot partner is worth the extra trouble. Finding brains, well try posting a good solution to that.
jenee’s horror was justifiable dammit..member’s only jackets were just a rip off of Mike Brady’s every day wear. barf me out the door…how can you consider sexy when the dude reminds ya of a freak with an afro, married to a woman with a wesson do and 3 pretentious asshole daughters and the boys gotta take their shit, cause Dad needs to be seen in bed with a woman on tv?
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