Sep

Killing Baddies

Posted in Blog

I followed up my 9/11 memorial in typical American fashion: by shootin’ up a bunch of foreigners. I did so Delta Force style.

Today’s adventure games are so realistic, it’s almost like you’re really there. They even have locals who throw rocks at you and yell, “Leave us alone.” I don’t like people throwing rocks at me even in a game and have been known to bitch slap some of them with my rifle. And if they were also cackling in one of those really annoying languages, I can’t say for sure I wouldn’t do worse to them.

The details really are incredible. You can even add plugins to increase the gore factor (which of course I did). We’ve come a long way since Pong.

Having completed all the campaigns on my latest Delta Force Black Hawk Down mission, I feel like I now have some knowledge to share with people should they be in real combat situations. The first thing I’d like to explain is the concept of “friendly fire.” From what I’ve seen, friendly fire usually occurs when some dumbshit teammate decides to run directly in front of my line of fire. When bullets are whizzing by, take a moment to find out where they’re coming from. Friendly fire also frequently occurs simply because a solider with the maturity of a six-year-old doesn’t like your attitude or the way you sometimes get stuck running into walls and thinks it’s funny to blow your head off at close range (I can’t help but giggle every time I do it).

If you’re in a war zone or any situation that requires you to be holding a gun, stay alert. When gun shots are fired, look around and take cover if necessary. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve killed 20 guys only to walk around the corner to find another one facing the wall kicking his shoes in the dirt. Two seconds later as he’s lying next to his innards, maybe he’s thinking, “I guess that smoke break could have waited.” On a similar note, if you happen to see that pile of 20 guys right in front of you, you might want to think twice before turning that corner ahead.

When shots are being fired directly at you, MOVE. And I mean move somewhere else. A lot of guys think that’s the time to show off their Lord of the Dance moves, which allows me to pop off the 20 bullets necessary to finally hit them.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that my opponent will often cease firing at me when I have to reload my weapon. Maybe this is some courtesy of war I’m not familiar with but I do appreciate it. If you’re in real battle, just hope you’re up against someone who’s well-versed in wartime etiquette.

Should any of my readers be heading off to Iraq or Afghanistan and want additional combat tips, please don’t hesitate to ask.