As I stood in line at Sav-on today, I browsed through the baskets leading to the cashier. They contained the usual items: batteries, candy, water, EPT Plus.

Huh? A home pregnancy test???

Yes, the brilliant minds at Sav-on determined that EPT Plus fits into the category of “impulse buy” (and/or “stocking stuffer”). Don’t they realize a pregnancy test is always the first item on the shopping list and never an afterthought? No woman gets in line, sees the boxes of EPT and says to herself, “Come to think of it, my belly’s getting quite large and I haven’t had my period in six months. Maybe I should buy this.”

A home pregnancy test is one of those items a person goes to the story specifically to buy, like Depends or Kaopectate. And nobody wants to pick up these products with a bunch of other shoppers watching. They want to find them on the middle shelf of an empty aisle so they can throw them in the basket quickly. Then they find wrapping paper, balloons, a card and a rubber chicken so it looks like some elaborate gag gift. At least, that’s what I’d do, because with my luck, I’d grab one of these items then run into some guy I’d been dating for only a week.

If they’re going to display a home pregnancy test as an impulse buy, the least they should do is fill another basket with condoms. That way, if any of the tests come back negative, maybe the store will get some repeat business from the ones who “learned their lesson.”

I’m tempted to return to the store and purchase 10 boxes of EPT. When the cashier shoots me the inevitable look, I’ll give her a wink and say, “Thanks for the reminder to load up before spring training begins. This could be my last year to nab a pro.”