Heroes Finale

I haven’t talked television in awhile (actually, I haven’t talked anything in awhile- I’m such a bad blogger). I don’t think I mentioned it but I did a major overhaul on my tv shows this season, dropping a few completely, pushing a few back to the summer and adding one or two new ones. My favorite new one is “Heroes,” which had its season finale last night. (What follows is sort of spoilerish if you haven’t seen it yet). I guess the best term for describing the finale is “interesting.” It didn’t live up to my expectations but it was, well, interesting. The biggest disappointment for me was the big matchup between Sylar and Peter. I expected a lot more than some puffy cheeks and a couple punches so here are my thoughts on how it should have gone down:

Peter and Sylar meet up and exchange their “‘Sup?”s. Parkman comes out shooting and before Sylar thrusts the bullets back at him, he redirects a couple toward Peter. Peter gives an “Oof” and pulls them out. Lame-ass Nikki, not knowing who is who, grabs the meter and whacks Peter with it. He gives another “Oof” then he says, “Stupid bitch- I’m the good guy!” Now, possessing her strength, he backhands her and she flies across the courtyard (to the cheers of every fan).

Peter then makes a comic book-like statement such as “Hey watchman, looks like your time is up” and swings at Sylar with the meter. Sylar smirks then uses his smelting ability to destroy it and Peter tumbles to the ground. Rendered momentarily blind by his massive bangs, Peter resorts to his mind-reading ability. He hears the words “I’m special” repeated over and over from Sylar’s head, but each one is said in the voice of the various people he killed (plus an extra one from Jack Handy).

D.L. has crawled over to Peter and now says, “Nobody treats my woman like that” to which Peter responds, “Dude, this really isn’t a good time.” Right then, we see the enormous red sculpture drop right on top of Peter. (Dramatic silence while the camera pans across the distraught faces of the onlookers). Sylar scans the bunch and, pointing with his scalping finger, says, “This is like Christmas: I don’t know which present to open up first.” Then we see Peter use his new phasing ability from D.L. to rise through the sculpture and land a Nikki-sized hook on Sylar’s jaw.

Sylar says, “For shitssake, this is only a one hour episode, no more fooling around” and uses his cryokinesis just as Peter is attempting to fly away. Peter is frozen about five feet in the air and drops to the ground. (More distraught looks to the sight of the Petersicle). Then Peter starts to glow and the ice melts away. When Peter reaches mid-defrost, Sylar rushes toward him to steal his brain but is intercepted by our favorite Hero, Hiro. He says, “You such evir virrain, Syrar. I must kirr you” (to which Sylar and everybody else giggles). Then Hiro does his little Samurai song and dance and Sylar goes down.

Now at room temperature, Peter’s mind-reading once again takes control and he overhears the other heroes’ thoughts: “Peter’s a pussy,” “All those powers and the little Japanese guy’s the one who killed Sylar,” “Hopefully that frost destroyed those stupid bangs,” etc. He starts to glow again and begs Claire to kill him. Everybody else thinks it’s to save the world but really, it’s because he’s ashamed of being such a failure as a hero.

Nathan appears to help out his little bro and the two fly off into space. Our heroes on the street all look skyward in anticipation. A couple seconds later, Nathan is back. He says, “What? I should let this perfect jawline be destroyed because he can’t control his powers?”

Then Peter goes kaboom and a few moments later whisps of bangs fall on poor Claire’s tearful cheeks.

The end.