In the last week, two young celebrities have met untimely deaths and since this stuff usually happens in threes, Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse would be wise to check the expiration dates on their respective deals with the devil. While Brad Renfro’s death garnered less press than his breakthrough role in “The Client” did, Heath Ledger’s will surely be talked about for years to come.

The police say no foul play was involved but I call foul on the woman who found him and (naturally) decided her first call should be to none other than an Olsen twin (I guess the wiser Uncle Jesse wasn’t available). If I discovered a movie star’s cold, lifeless body then spotted George Clooney’s number on the speed dial, sure, I’d be tempted to give him a ring. But I think I’d have enough sense to cut short a 911 call before dialing Georgie’s digits.

Oh, I forgot to mention Ledger was naked, which apparently is an obligatory fact to include in any article regarding his death. I would understand including his state of dress if he were wearing something like a Member’s Only jacket or culottes, because those would speak to his state of mind at the time of death. But when the legitimate news sources repeatedly go out of their way to mention that he was naked it sounds like they’re trying to titillate and that’s just so Enquireresque.

I feel bad for the guy for the way his body was traipsed through a crowd of photographers in a trash bag. It’s such an undignified final appearance for anybody- they might as well have brought him out in all his glory. It seems particularly unceremonious for movie stars who are used to traversing the red carpet of their own accord and I’m a little surprised nobody’s created special body bags for celebrities. Maybe some ambitious designer will get on that and have them included in the Oscar swag bags. I think a lot of celebrities would appreciate the opportunity to make one final best dressed list- and the designer would certainly benefit from one last “Who was he wrapped in?” nod.

I served Heath champagne on his biggest night in show biz and he seemed like a nice enough guy who tipped well. Actors may be a dime a dozen in this town but good tippers are a C-note a dozen and for that he will be missed.