Step One: Get A Brain
Tonight I went to the supermarket (others may refer to it as “7-11″) and noticed that the soda machine has instructions on it. Let me be more specific: It instructs people how to pour a Coke. Not only that, it’s divided into FOUR steps (grab cup, add ice, add soda, place cover on top). My car’s manual for changing a tire has four steps. I believe the instructions for detonating a nuclear bomb has three (open cover, push button, shit your pants).
I can’t help but wonder what made someone decide this was necessary. Maybe the people at 7-11 noticed a lot of customers standing in front of the machine crying “THIRSTY…SOOOO THIRSTY” and banging all the buttons. Then when the liquid came out, they tried scooping it up with their hands. So some marketing genius came along and said, “If we tell people to put the soda in cups, we’ll sell more!” And then 100 other people with master’s degrees from Harvard said, “That’s a brilliant idea!”
The thing they failed to realize is that if someone is too stupid to know how to pour a soda, they’re probably too stupid to understand the directions.
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- Staff Desk » June 23, 2006 Newsletter - [...] http://www.jenee.net - Jenée's a comedienne living in L.A. Also very funny; here’s a pretty characteristic post: http://jenee.net/get-a-brain/ [...]
It’s not as bad as directions on a crosswalk that tell you to
1. Push button
2. Wait for picture of man to appear
3. Walk
No joke! Do they think people will see the red hand and say, “Oh…that’s beckoning me, I must walk into traffic.” Idiots.
:mrgreen: Ok, forget the stupid people, and imagine the person that actually sat at a computer typing the damn instructions out…makes you wonder what was going on in his head at the time…
They forgot the most important part – insert straw!!
Oh, my. This one actually made me laugh out loud–especially the steps for detonating a nuclear (or, as some idiots say, “nucular”) bomb.
I think you are being critical. I hate judgemental people. I grew up in Westchester behind Iron gates. The first time I went to 7-11, I did not know what to do. I filled the cup with soda and then ice. This made a big mess. I did not know about the lids so I walked to the register sloshing it all about. I resent the implication that I am not smart. I am just ultra high class and don’t know much about the mundane softdrink pursuits of common people.
I’m glad you’re not in charge of the nuclear bomb detonation instructions. If it detonated when you pushed the button it would be messy. You should actually wait until it has travelled a safe distance before you start thinking about the detonation. I pray that George Bush hasn’t written down your detonation instructions. Charlie Currie North of the Border – the one that doesn’t need a fence