Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots

You Look Familiar. Have We Met?

The face transplant performed yesterday fascinates me. I’m anxious to see if one person’s facial features will look similar when placed on another person’s bone structure. Consider the ramifications if it does. Would people be willing to donate their face when they die? I’m sure there would be plenty of people anxious to receive a dead hottie’s face. “Fuglies” could be added to UNOS to await a transplant. When donors become available, the recipients would debate who got the better organs. Sure, hearts and kidneys save lives but great faces improve lives.

In a matter of time, doctors might get it down to an outpatient procedure and everybody would be doing it. Right now it’s surprising when a friend suddenly shows up one day with enormous breasts. Imagine if she showed up with all new facial features (and still tried to convince everybody “of course they’re real”). I guess, technically, that would be the truth. The supermodels of the world would be in constant fear for their lives and might actually see turning 30 as a relief. If this technology had been available in the past, Elvis would never be completely dead. And the news reports when Princess Diana died may have sounded very different: “Last night, the princess died in an automobile accident. Unfortunately, her face could not be saved.” Movie stars who die young could still enjoy a lengthy career. Angelina Jolie could die tomorrow and the next day her face would be available to the highest bidder on eBay (with shipping and her agent’s phone number included).

I do think facial transplants are a great idea for people whose faces have been severely mutilated, but I hope they never become available to the masses. If they do, Angelina’s face would probably end up on Joan Rivers’ shriveled old body. And nobody wants to see that.