Evacuate, Fools!
When the planes hit the twin towers, I was horrified. When the tsunami struck Southeast Asia, I was sick. None of these victims saw it coming and none stood a chance. But when news reports came in about about all the dead from Hurricane Katrina, I have to admit, I didn’t shed any tears and I didn’t spend long periods contemplating the situation. Yes, I feel sorry for the invalids who were deserted by their caretakers. But the healthy people who died because they chose to hold down the fort? Nope. Add ‘em to the Darwin Awards.
Hurricanes don’t pop up out of nowhere. There’s always plenty of advance notice. When I lived in Hawaii, we knew for several days that a hurricane was on the way. Finally, the sirens sounded around 5 am one September 11th to let us know that a category 4 hurricane named Iniki was going to strike the islands later that day. The information on the tv said that people in my area should evacuate. So guess what I did?
I evacuated.
Admittedly, I don’t know if my adherence was because of their warnings or because I figured my little shack situated between Waikiki beach and the Ala Wai Canal wouldn’t survive a fire hydrant leak, much less a hurricane. But I headed to a friend’s house in the hills.
So now, with Hurricane Wilma approaching Florida less than two months after Katrina, I get to read these gems in the news:
“We were all packed and ready to go. But personally, now I feel we will be safe and better off here,” said Lori Thompson of Key West, who had considered driving to Orlando.
It sure would be nice if they listed Miss Thompson’s meteorology credentials to explain her decision, because everything I’m hearing on the news is they’re about to get pummeled.
“Fewer than 10 percent of the Keys’ 78,000 residents evacuated,” Monroe County Sheriff Richard Roth said. “I’m disappointed, but I understand it,” Roth said. “They’re tired of leaving because of the limited damage they sustained during the last three hurricanes.
Ahhh, they’re tired of driving 20 minutes to higher ground.. I wonder how tired one gets after 20 minutes in churning floodwater. Their rationale for not leaving is that they didn’t suffer damage in the last few hurricanes? Don’t these people understand odds? If I survived a plane crash, I’d start flying all over the world (since I’d practically own the airline after the settlement). Major turbulence wouldn’t bother me in the slightest because I already beat the odds. But these people think that after three misses, the fourth will surely be a miss as well. The residents of Arkansas should thank the people of Florida for replacing them in every comedian’s punchlines.
“We were born and raised with storms, so we never leave,” Ann Ferguson said from her front porch in Key West. “What happens, happens. If you believe in the Lord, you don’t have no fear.”
Given the rest of her idiotic statement, I’m forced to assume Miss Ferguson’s use of the double negative is a result of the Floridian public school system and she actually means “if you believe in the Lord, you have no fear.” Great philosophy because we all know the Lord’s great track record of protecting his believers. You keep putting your fate in the Lord’s hands and I’ll watch for you on the news.
