I thought some of the regular readers might want updates on past blogs…

Arrested Development: The word today is that ABC and Showtime are interested in buying the show (if Fox ever officially cancels it). There IS hope!!!

Kazakhstani journalist Borat Sagdiyev: After the country of Kaz threatened to sue Sascha Baron Cohen (Da Ali G Show), he posted the following statements on his Borat character’s website:

I like to state I have no connection with Mr. Cohen and fully support my government’s decision to sue this Jew.

Since the 2003 reforms, Kazakhstan is as civilized as any other country in the world. Women can now travel on inside of bus, homosexuals no longer have to wear blue hats and age of consent has been raised to 8 years old.

Please, captain of industry, I invite you to come to Kazakhstan, where we have incredible natural resources, hard-working labor and some of the cleanest prostitutes in all of central Asia. Goodbye.”

Kaz has retaliated by shutting down his .kz website address. I think I’m falling in love with Cohen and I want to thank the Kaz government for all the publicity that will surely make his upcoming Borat movie a huge success.

The disappearing mole: It appears to be growing back, but it’s about an inch to the left. What the hell’s going on????

Stanley “Tookie” Williams executed: Now maybe all those celebrities can use their free time to help people who haven’t murdered anybody.

I have 3 friends on MySpace: I just checked in on my MySpace page and a guy I barely know asked me to be on his friends list. The only way he could have found me was by sifting through Doug’s 6500 friends. How could I say “no” after all that trouble? Oh, and Green Day finally accepted me. I know I said I’d remove them but that’s the sort of thing one says when they think they’ve been rejected.

New musical obsession: Well, it’s a new musical interest anyway. But the fact that I haven’t heard one Green Day song in over a week should please anybody who’s concerned about me. Last week I watched Saturday Night Live for the first time in ages because a comic I know (Dane Cook) was hosting. It’s a huge accomplishment to achieve this level of success because of his standup and not because he’s a big movie or tv star. Anyway, his monologue was great but the rest of the show was horribly unfunny (the writers should be embarrassed).

I was fast forwarding through the musical guest I’d never heard of (James Blunt) and there was something about his expressions, even in high speed, that made me want to hear a few notes. I liked him instantly. He had this really interesting sound and performed the sort of ballads that make you want to write the movie scene around the song. I’ve been enjoying his album “Back to Bedlam” ever since. The way I’d been rocking out to “St. Jimmy” lately, other LA drivers should thank Mr. Blunt for my musical switch.

I discovered something interesting about him: I checked out his website to see if he was going to be performing in LA (missed him at the Wiltern in November) and in his bio I read that he was a captain in the British army and was stationed in Pristina, Kosovo at the same time I performed there (all the other bases I worked were US military but Pristina is NATO). Makes me wonder if he saw me perform and wrote the song “You’re Beautiful” for me (hee hee…and I really and truly believe Green Day are my friends).

Profanity hang ups: I was speaking with a customer service rep. the other day when she said, “You will have to keep this conversation professional or I’ll discontinue the call.”

I wasn’t yelling or anything so I had to ask, “What exactly hasn’t been professional?”

She said, “Your use of profanity.”

“You mean the word ‘jackass’?” I asked.

She told me that if I said it again she’d hang up on me. I would understand if I’d called her a jackass, but what I said was that “I look like a jackass” because of a policy of theirs that isn’t published on their website. Regardless, who considers “jackass” to be profanity anyway? All the really bad words can be identified by their first letter and I’ve never heard anybody refer to “the j word.”

I suddenly switched from jackass mode to smartass mode. “You gotta be kidding me.” She had an accent so I asked, “What country are you in that I can’t say that word?”

“I’m in Florida.” Of course. They’re ALL in Florida these days.

I responded, “If I’m not allowed to use words that the FCC has determined to be permissible on the public airwaves, how am I supposed to know what words I’m allowed to use with you? Is there a list on your website where I can find what words are and aren’t acceptable?”

She hung up.

Ninety percent of the calls I make to companies are preceded with the message, “This call may be recorded for quality control purposes.” Naturally, this wasn’t one of them. I called back hoping to get her again because this time I wanted to call HER a jackass but I got someone else. I started to explain the situation to the next rep. but she too threatened to hang up.

What can I say? People are idiots.