Bishops To Queens: “Check Mate”
This reads like something out of The Onion, but it’s legit. From the AP:
The nation’s Roman Catholic bishops adopted new guidelines for gay outreach Tuesday that are meant to be welcoming, while also telling gays to be celibate since the church considers their sexuality “disordered.” [snip]
The statement, “Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual Inclination,” was adopted by a 194-37 vote, with one abstention, at a meeting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.
Let me start with the title, “Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual Inclination.” It sounds like something right out of the 1950′s, kind of like “Rehabilitation for Wayward Young Women” or “Tolerance Toward Those Exhibiting Negroid Tendencies.” With a title like that, you can be sure it’s not filled with progressive ideas.
The statement in a nutshell:
The bishops also underscore Catholic opposition to gay marriage and adoption by gay and lesbian couples, but also say children of gay Catholics can be baptized if they are being raised in the faith.
Under the guidelines, parishes are instructed to help Catholics avoid “the lifestyle and values of a ‘gay subculture.’” Gays also are discouraged from telling anyone about their sexual orientation outside a close circle of friends and supporters in the church.
I wonder how they help them to avoid the gay lifestyle? I suppose they prevent them from going to the gym, force them to wear clothes from Wal-Mart and convince them they really don’t need moisturizer. And exactly who are these “supporters in the church?” Supporters of immigration reform? Supporters of speed bingo night? Or are these the “I don’t believe you should get married, have sex or adopt children” sort of “supporters”?
Anyone who knowingly persists in sinful behavior, such as gay sex or using artificial birth control, should refrain from taking Communion, the bishops said.
So how does that work? When the tray comes around you just pass? Suddenly everybody in the church is jotting down notes on who took Communion and who didn’t. Your reason might have been that the Triscuit doesn’t fit into your Atkins diet but now everybody’s praying for your soul because you’re a “Gosh dang queer” who engages in protected sex. How anybody could consider the use of a condom sinful is beyond levels of stupidity than I can even grasp. If there is a God, I imagine him throwing his hands up in the air in frustration saying, “I’ve given you AIDS and homosexuality, when are you people going to get the message that I want you to wrap your wieners and stop having so many Me-damn kids??!!”
“The tone of the document is positive, pastoral and welcoming,” [Bishop Arthur] Serratelli said. “Its starting point is the intrinsic human dignity of every person and God’s love for every person.”
Absolutely. Being told your way of life that hurts nobody is sinful is the kind of positive, uplifting message that keeps a smile on your face all day long. And nothing makes a person feel more welcome than being considered “disordered.” Can people really say stuff like that with a straight face?
The guidelines condemn discrimination against gays and say it’s not a sin to be attracted to someone of the same sex – only to act on those feelings.
I wonder how they’d feel if Congress decided it’s not a sin to be Catholic- only to practice those beliefs. Surely they wouldn’t see that as discrimination either.
Amen!