Anybody Seen Granny? (AKA What’s That Smell)?
From the “truth is stranger than fiction” files:
The body of a Cincinnati woman spent the last couple years at home propped up in front of a tv, per her last wishes (making me wonder if her static viewing habits is the reason for ABC’s dramatic ratings shift and why “The George Lopez Show” is still on the air). After the 61-year-old’s death in August 2003, her caretaker left her upstairs in the home with the television and air conditioning running because she said, “Don’t bury me. I’ll be back.” This alone makes the story of Terminator Granny fascinating, but there’s more:
Family members continued to live downstairs.
Police went to the house last Wednesday after a relative who hadn’t seen the lady in 2 1/2 years called them. They found a staircase behind a door blocked by a basket and climbed to the second floor where they found the body. They said the odor of death was noticeable.
It took 2 1/2 years for the relative to realize she was missing and call the cops? As I understand it, 80% of all senior citizen deaths are discovered within two weeks of an offspring’s birthday. Apparently Terminator Granny wasn’t too consistent with those $12 birthday checks (speaking of which, I’d like to use this space to wish my twin brother John a happy birthday- saves me a phone call).
That’s always been my big fear- that because I don’t have a regular schedule and because I’m so bad at returning calls, I might die and nobody would notice for awhile. I shudder at the thought that the last public word on me would be from one of my neighbors on the tv news saying, “There was this horrible smell in the building so bad it made me gag…. turns out it was Jenée.” (And then the cheesy reporter would say, “At least the comedienne went out with a gag. For channel two news I’m…”)
Terminator Granny’s death seemed to be common knowledge among all but the one clueless relative. Friends and family would occasionally stop by to say hi to her mummified body and her former caregiver recently bought her some new clothes (I’m not making this stuff up). There’s something very depressing about the fact that a dead lady receives more gifts and visitors than I do. And in that part of the country, she’s probably having more sex too.
In case anybody’s wondering, the reason the family endured Terminator Granny’s stench for 2 1/2 years was to honor her religious beliefs (surprise, surprise) that she’d rise from the dead. I can tell you this much, if the body of an Atheist is being housed in someone’s upstairs, it’s not per the deceased’s wishes and it’s not receiving housecalls.
I suspect the atheist would receive as many housecalls as he did when he was alive.
Ever hear of a short story called “A Rose for Emily”? This story is just life imitating art!
“I can tell you this much, if the body of an Atheist is being housed in someone’s upstairs, it’s not per the deceased’s wishes and it’s not receiving housecalls.”
Atheist Madalyn Murray O’Hair’s dead body was not kept in someone’s upstairs but it was hidden at a Texas ranch until the police finally talked her killer in to confessing where he put her.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madeleine_Murray_O'Hare
I like you wit, your sarcasim. I wonder too, if I died how long it would take to for someone to say “whats that smell?”
She probably got more for christmas than you did too. What a sad state of affairs.
Happy Birthday right back at you, twin.
You actually took the time to shrink the font size on your Happy Birthday wish? I think you just might end up a 2 year stinker. Better keep the $12 checks flowing…
gpkpI enjoyed Reading your Blog. This one was one of the Best I read today. Thank you
I just added your blog to my book marks and will be checking back often.
Bangalore
OH my goodness….I just happened upon your blog b/c it was one of the recently updated! I live in the Cincy area and have been hearing about this on the news. You made me laugh out loud! I will link to you from my blog so that all my friends can read this. Thanks for the laugh!
Jenee,
Worse than that, I’ve heard of someone who has been allowed to stay in his job despite being technically brain dead for at least five years.
Maybe that’s why there’s a smell coming from the White House.
Greetings from Scotland!
LOL@ YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THE WHITE HOUSE…
This incident happened on my grandmothers street and the street I grew up on. I used to wave to these people all the time. I will never look at that street the same…Innocence is never really.
ps…I guess in a way, she did come back to life……She’s the life of the blogs, forums and late night talk shows.
That’s a sad and too often account of finding someone dead jenee, as a Christian believer it would be better to be buried cos for one thing it would be a whole lot more peaceful until the resurrection of the living and the dead to judgment. God bless you
Just discovered your blog, and you’ve made me smile during some down time at a very boring day at work. Thanks, Jenée. (Very educational too… Alt 1-3-0. Thanks!)
Ok, I could spend the day reading these but I have to get back to work now, these are very funny, it’s amazing what we go through life, what makes it funny is how we look at it, Nice attitude
My question is “did anyone stop the SSI checks from comming?” Hmmmm
I haven’t heard of so many idiots in such a small square footage since I went to the Air Force Hospital (I’m talking about the doctors not the patients). I didn’t realize so many crazy people co-mingled and collaborated without the help of butterfly nets or strait jackets.
http://attitudeamy.blogspot.com/