Comedian Jenée: People are Idiots

Afghanistan ’08- Day Four

After two days of flight delays, we finally got out of Bagram via convoy. I was excited to check out the countryside only to have the driver instruct us to keep an eye out for a particular Toyota Corolla suspected of being an IED (improvised explosive device). Nice- I travel halfway around the world only to be told to keep my eyes peeled for a car I can see every day back home. As we drove past little kids they’d give us a thumbs up, which I thought was really cool. Apparently some of them flash other fingers as well.

For most of the drive there really wasn’t much to see other than the occasional mud huts the locals live in and lots and lots of dirt. Forget about seeing the ocean- I’ll bet many people in these parts live their whole lives without ever seeing grass.

We drove to Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan, where they don’t quite grasp the concept of driving lanes. They just put their cars wherever they can fit. Supposedly our military has the right of way but I didn’t notice any special treatment being given to us in the madness. It was actually kind of fun. At least, it’s fun when you’re in an up-armored vehicle but in a regular car, probably not so much.

We stayed at Camp Eggers, a small base with only about 400 soldiers but probably half of them came to our show. I have to admit, it wasn’t my greatest performance. Prior to coming here I was told I couldn’t discuss a variety of topics including sexual harassment, religion, homosexuality, the Bush administration and a couple other things. In other words, I couldn’t do half my usual act. A few times I got to bits I wasn’t allowed to do and sort of blanked on what came next, which meant there were some awkward transitions. If it were a comedy club I wouldn’t care too much about some flubs but out here I feel bad if I don’t give the troops the best performance I can. Tonight will be the first night since I’ve been here that I can sleep eight hours in a row so hopefully that will help me get it together before the next show.

After the show, I hung out with a bunch of soldiers around a campfire. The conversation was good, though sitting around a campfire where people are chugging near beer just isn’t quite the same but they make the best of it. I think I’ve mentioned before here that the big difference between overseas military shows and comedy club shows is that the soldiers don’t just enjoy the shows, they appreciate them. Many of them make a big deal about us coming out here, which makes me feel guilty because my reason for being here is hardly selfless. It’s a great adventure for me for a couple weeks then I get to go home.

They’re all here for 6-15 months with only two weeks of R&R to visit with their spouses and children. Afterward they go home for a few months then they get deployed to Iraq or some other fabulous locale. And not just men, there are plenty of women here who are away from their young children for such long periods. I mention all this because even though I’ve done the overseas gigs before, when I’m home I don’t think I’m as conscientious as I could be about thanking soldiers who have returned from deployment but I will make a greater effort to do so when I go back and hopefully some of you reading this will as well.