There’s this chain letter type of thing going around on Facebook for which you’re supposed to write 25 random facts about yourself then tag 25 friends and make them do the same. It’s not exactly a chain letter because it doesn’t say you’re going to die or end up at the bottom of a Ponzi scheme or anything like that but people are spreading it nonetheless. I opted out of tagging 25 people and just tagged the people who tagged me and a couple others I felt like annoying. But since I’ve been such a horrendous blogger lately I decided to copy and paste it here as well. Some of this may be repetitious to anybody who’s read my blog for awhile but I was too lazy to think up new stuff.
25 Random Things About Me
1. I forged a check to the school cafeteria at age 6. I filled it out perfectly but got caught because I used a pencil and I printed the whole thing, including my dad’s signature.
2. I jumped out of a moving car at age 7.
3. I twirl my pasta counterclockwise. The only other rightie I’ve encountered who twirls in that direction is my twin brother.
4. Even though I twirl pasta with my right hand, I eat almost everything else holding the fork in my left hand. I started doing that many years ago when I realized how inefficient it was to keep swapping hands every time I had to use a knife.
5. I can raise my left eyebrow but not my right.
6. I have a fairly large birthmark on my right thigh that was dubbed my strawberry because that’s exactly what it looked like when I was a child. But it tasted like chicken.
7. I have AB negative blood, as do my three siblings and my mom. My “dad” insists he has O positive blood, which is why I have to put the air quotes around “dad.”
8. I had a World of Warcraft addiction for awhile, which I think is illegal if you’re not a 17-year-old boy. Even worse, I had the most juvenile character names including Fugly, Sup, Warrihore, Whorlock and my priest, Holyshiite (and yes, I returned to WOW briefly with the recent release of Wrath of the Lich King because I had to rock that new Hero class). For the Alliance!
9. In 8th grade, I screamed in a silent classroom just because I’d always wanted to do it. I suspect my complete and utter unpopularity in high school had something to do with that.
10. As a teen, I was an active member of Rainbow Girls in which I served as a Grand Officer and wore big frilly hoop dresses and hairpieces. I’ll have to post some photos just to freak out the people who know me today.
11. When I wasn’t doing charity work with Rainbow, I was cruising the bars with the fake ID I obtained at age 18.
12. In the second semester of my senior year in high school I had over 20 absences in every class but managed to get 5 A’s and 1 B. The lone B was in English (go figure), which was first period where I had over 30 absences (and where my diligent twin just shrugged his shoulders every time the teacher asked where I was). Public schools discriminate against night owls with believable fake ID’s.
13. I’m a very active sleeper—I walk and talk. It seems to be getting worse as I’ve had a few occasions recently when I was all the way to my front door before I came around.
14. I’m shrinking. I was 5’10” from the age of 13 but on a doctor’s visit a couple years ago, I learned I’m now 5’9 ¼. ” It’s possible that extra height was just from the Aqua Net I used in the ’80s.
15. My website/blog is Google’s top result for the search terms “Jenée” and “people are idiots.” Other interesting search term positions: “idiots” (45th), “people are” (6th), “comedian” (82nd), “GUYnecologist” (3rd), “palin turkey killer” (9th), “hummer blow jobs” (9th), “amish singles” (3rd), “girl blows donkey” (2nd), “girl vomiting video” (8th). Yeah, it’s a classy blog.
16. I hate talking on the phone, particularly with strangers—it borders on a phobia. Sometimes it will take me a couple days just to listen to voice mail messages.
17. I can type 70+ wpm but can only text about 3 wpm. On top of that, I’m compelled to proofread my texts for proper spelling and grammar so it’s not the speediest communication method for me.
18. I’ve been to the Academy Awards five of the last six years and will be back again this year. And I’ll keep going back until I finally have my Clooney moment at the bar. Then I can die.
19. My mantra, “serenity now,” comes from Frank Costanza on Seinfeld. Whenever I’m injured or stressed, I repeat this over and over like Rainman.
20. My favorite food is movie theatre popcorn (with butter flavoring, which is actually yummier than real butter) even after living on it for a year when I worked at a movie theatre as a teenager. It’s been three years since I’ve seen a movie in a theatre so I’ve been missing out on my favorite food for quite awhile.
21. I enjoy long road trips by myself except in states that recently implemented photo speed enforcement because I can’t talk my way out of a ticket that arrives three weeks later. Arizona’s cheap gas prices don’t do much to offset a $181 ticket.
22. I lost 10 pounds over the last four months just by switching from 7-11’s French Vanilla Cappuccinos to McDonald’s Sugar Free Vanilla Iced Coffees (so don’t be hatin’ on the Golden Arches).
23. I can recite the Gettysburg Address in less than 40 seconds.
24. I’ve been fired from four jobs. Insubordination is a common theme in my work history. Actually, it’s apparent that it’s a common theme in all areas of my life.
25. And now that I’ve listed 24 “who the fuck cares?” facts about me, here are some semi-interesting ones that I won’t go into detail about because I’m a bitch like that: I was chased by a rampaging elephant on the streets of Honolulu. I had to call the cops on a tv star who was smoking crack in my living room. I was 86’d from Hollywood’s Sky Bar for jumping in the pool during club hours. I spray painted my name on an actual bomb in South Korea. I supported myself through college getting paid to drink (and believe it or not, I’m still not an alcoholic but I try). I fired a semi-automatic weapon and drove a Humvee in Afghanistan. I got to work the croupier stick at Caesar’s Palace. I followed Andrew Dice Clay my second time ever doing standup. I completed a list of 25 facts about myself.