For the first time in eight years, I watched the Academy Awards live from a vantage point away from the Kodak Theatre. And now I remember why so many attendees spend most of the night at the bar-- that is one boring show. Some thoughts on the Oscars: -- Judging by Reese Witherspoon's black eyes and ragged dress, it appears that Chris Brown already has a new girlfriend. --I wonder who wore the sheet with the higher thread count: Jessica Biel or Tilda Swinton. I hope they were smart enough to bring along the ...

I had a change of plans and won't be returning to the Oscars this year but I did watch all of the Best Picture nominees (clocking in at a total of almost 11 hours) so of course I have to weigh in. I haven't given away any spoilers so it's safe to read if you haven't seen the films. Slumdog Millionaire: Since I tend to be disappointed by films with too much hype, I decided to start with the favorite just to get it out of the way. The story unfolds like a grim Forrest Gump, in which the extraordinary events of a young man's past provide him with the answers ...

Every May when the winner of American Idol is announced, I swear it's the last season I'll watch this piece of garbage. Then January rolls around and it somehow ropes me back in. I lose a part of my soul with every season and I fear that if I keep watching, by season 12 I'll be laughing at prop comics and attending Celine Dion concerts with a fanny pack around my waist. This year, the show is back with a fourth judge, Kara Dioguardi, whose name Simon still can't pronounce correctly. I'm used to people butchering my name and I rarely ...

In my last post, I mentioned some unusual search terms people have used to find my blog and today comes one that's a rainbow of fruit flavors: "using skittles for anal sex." What I find particularly amusing is the fact that my blog isn't the sole result, in fact, it isn't even the first result. It is 10th out of over 32,000 results. People are freaks. And just to absolve myself of some of that freakishness by putting the usage in proper context within my blog, the terms were used (separately) in response to a bizarre Sharon Stone quote that I commented on here: "Things That Make You Go…Hummer."