Honor Tokin’
One of the judges who weighed in on the Anna Nicole Smith paternity suit and the issues surrounding custody of her remains was busted for smoking pot in a public park.
Is anybody else starting to think this is all a big hoax? Between the 57 potential fathers, the crazy estranged mother fighting to have her buried in Texas instead of with her son in the Bahamas and now the stoner judge, this is all too ridiculous even for ANS. I have a feeling she’s alive and well and signing a very lucrative deal with the E! people for the next season of her reality show.
His Final Cut Up
Comedian Richard Jeni died over the weekend, apparently from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the face. Naturally, the comedy community is abuzz. I didn’t know the guy personally and wasn’t a fan of his work but he was quite successful and you can’t help but pause and wonder why? While I have no intention of mocking the way he died, I do need to mock this statement I read in a news article:
Authorities have scheduled an autopsy for Monday to determine the exact cause of death.
Do they really need an autopsy? I have no medical background but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the cause of death was a gunshot wound to the face. Though it wouldn’t completely surprise me if one of these Hollywood coroners on retainer from a publicist came back and said, “It was Cancer. The gunshot wound didn’t help, but the Cancer’s what killed him.”
Do Do Do Do. Do Do Do Do.
As I was walking to my car tonight, for some reason I started singing Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” (at least, I was singing what I think are the lyrics, though I probably wasn’t even close). I have no idea why that popped into my head since I probably haven’t even heard the song in a couple years. Then I got into my car and turned on the radio- which I haven’t done in about three weeks- and guess what song was playing? And it wasn’t like I flipped through the stations for a little bit, it was on the very first station.
I’m not sure if it was just an enormous coincidence or if I’ve stumbled upon yet another gift that I’ll never profit from. Perhaps it was a sign that I’m supposed to uncover great mysteries in the music industry, like why Jennifer Lopez has a singing career.
Unfortunately, I fear that my new psychic powers are draining my intelligence because I then spent a good half an hour trying to figure out why the clock in my car suddenly displayed a different time than the ones on my phone and computer.
Eyedull VS Eyedoll
It’s all over the news: Antonella Barba remains a contestant on American Idol (well, for the next 48 hours anyway) despite some racy photos even though Frenchie Davis got the boot for the same thing a few years ago. Now people are crying out that it’s racism because Davis is black and Barba is white. Are these people for real? They actually think it’s about race??? For those unfamiliar with the two women, check out their photos side by side:
It’s totally unfair the way the matters have been handled, but it’s pretty clear that race was not the issue.
STFU W/ LOL
With the advent of the Internet came the introduction of the term “LOL.” I’m sure it served a useful purpose when it was first used, presumably by Al Gore after receiving a good anal rape joke in the only email ever to have just one “fwd” in the subject (since he’s apparently responsible for everything related to the world wide web). But it didn’t take long for amateurs to abuse the acronym to the point of being annoying. First they used the term as a response to moderately amusing statements:
“Poker? I didn’t even know her!”
“LOL!”
The letters stand for “laugh out loud.” If a comment barely made you snicker, find another term. But loosely throwing around LOL only encourages mediocre humor.
Next came the LOL in response to one’s own statement:
“Poker? I didn’t even know her! LOL!”
Just as in conversation, laughing the loudest at your own joke doesn’t make it any funnier- it just makes you look lame. Good rule of thumb: if you have to tell people it’s funny, it probably isn’t.
Finally, LOL started being used in lieu of an actual apology:
“Oops. I screwed up. LOL!”
I’ve already accepted the fact that most people can’t utter the phrase “I’m sorry.” I don’t know why this is so difficult to say since it really makes life much easier when you can. But LOL is definitely not interchangeable for “I’m sorry.” In fact, it sounds like the person’s mocking the situation rather than apologizing for it. And that’s just irritating. Then when you call them on whether or not they think their screw up is funny, they inevitably say, “No, I swear. LOL.” And that’s when I want to use my bionics to fry their mother board (but, like most of the other Heroes, I’ve yet to learn how to control this ability of mine).
If you’re one of the millions addicted to “LOL,” it’s not too late to weed yourself off it. Start by limiting yourself to just one LOL per post or email (for some people, I know this will be a challenge and they’ll simply substitute LOL with a bunch of emoticons, which are equally overused). Only write it when you actually laughed out loud. I know, silly concept. Or try breaking away from it all together with other terms: “heh heh” for a chuckle, “hee hee” for a giggle, “ha ha!” for a guffaw or better yet, come up with something original. Let the term “LOL” return to a place where it actually has significance because frankly, I’m getting headaches from trying to figure out what new terms like “ROFLMAOWMSOMN!” mean.
