My four-year-old nephew got a Power Rangers costume for Halloween that he's been wearing for the last month or so. He has no idea how fortunate he is to have a costume he can enjoy for more than one night. When I was a kid, Dad used to take us to Thrifty's where we had about 10 minutes to decide which $1.99 piece of splendor it would be that year. I don't even know if they still make those costumes, the ones with the hard plastic mask and painted apron. Those costumes brought a lot of excitement to Halloween. Would this be the year I suffocate trying to breathe out the pin-sized hole? Would the slightest spark to the apron ...

My website keeps track of some non-essential information about my visitors and occasionally I check it out to see what new random site is linked to mine. While doing so today, I noticed I had some lengthy visits by people from Nigeria and Iran. It's somewhat rewarding to know that despite the political and social turmoil these people experience every day, they recognize the importance of what I had to say about Britney Spears in the "Fashion Police" column. [tags]britney+spears, fashion+police, website+search[/tags]

When the planes hit the twin towers, I was horrified. When the tsunami struck Southeast Asia, I was sick. None of these victims saw it coming and none stood a chance. But when news reports came in about about all the dead from Hurricane Katrina, I have to admit, I didn't shed any tears and I didn't spend long periods contemplating the situation. Yes, I feel sorry for the invalids who were deserted by their caretakers. But the healthy people who died because they chose to hold down the fort? Nope. Add 'em to the Darwin Awards. Hurricanes don't pop up out of nowhere. There's always plenty of advance notice. When I lived in Hawaii, we knew for several days ...

I'm on hold while I write this. My friend called me about 10 minutes ago (well past midnight, which is actually a pretty good time to call me) then told me she had another call and asked me to hold. It just occurred to me that I don't even know how my call waiting option works. It's not because I'm a technological idiot. In fact, I'm the rare geek who actually reads the manual before using a new electronic gadget. I don't know how to use the call waiting function because I never bother with it. Most of the time I'm on the phone, I just wanna get off (and I don't mean that in a 1-900, $.99 a minute ...

The woman who threw her three small children into the San Francisco Bay plead "not guilty" today, saying that voices in her head told her to do it. How come when people hear voices in their head, they're never told to do good things? "President Bush, what prompted you to resign the presidency, thus ensuring the prosperity of America?" "The voices in my head told me to do it." Wouldn't that be nice? Never happens. The death penalty is too humane for this evil bitch. [tags]voices+in+head, san+francisco+bay, president+bush[/tags]

Last season I was totally addicted to Joey. Seriously. How could I not be? They brought in the best comedy writers, the best casting directors and a star from one of the most popular sitcoms of all time and created what is probably the most unfunny piece of drivel to ever air on a prime-time network (and I make this declaration even having seen a couple episodes of Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza). I repeat, in all honesty, I watched Joey every week. My fascination with it is not just comparable to seeing a car wreck on the side of the road; It's a car wreck with the decapitated heads of Madonna and Michael Jackson strewn about and ...

...away. So I thought my first real post should be about something fun I've done and right now, it doesn't get much better for me than seeing Green Day. Sure, over the years I enjoyed their songs about smoking pot and masturbating as much as anybody, but then I heard their current album American Idiot. It's a brilliant rock opera with catchy tunes, and lyrics with real substance- an ambitious attempt that actually succeeds. I was blown away the first time I heard it and suddenly ...

It seems like everybody has a blog these days so I figured I'd show off my ability to use the "shift" key with my own. Some of my blogs may be funny, but that's not my main purpose. Mostly, my intense dislike of the phone has left a lot of my friends wondering if I'm still alive, so I hope to share some of the thoughts I'm skipping over the phone right here. Feel free to add your comments.